And back up we go....
I've been trying to work on being more positive. When I go for walks with our roommate, he voices similar negative feelings about things in his life, and the social worker hat goes on. I tell him how normal some of those thoughts and feelings are, and we discuss steps to changing things in his life to make those feelings of inadequacy go away. I tell him to start recognizing those thoughts and immediately countering them with positive thoughts. And then I laugh: not at him, but at myself. These are the very same things I used to tell some of my therapy clients, the same things the nutritionist told me, and the same things I have told myself time and time again. It comes so easily to tell someone else to stop being so hard on themselves, to look at the bright side, to make mini goals to achieve an end result and to stop looking at the forest instead of the trees. Yet it's so hard to enact in my own life.
Monday, September 24, 2012
Monday, September 17, 2012
186.6 - 61.6 pounds to go
The scale is just not cooperating with me, and it's really starting to weigh on me (ha! see what I did there!) I met with the nutritionist and came clean about my lack of good decisions lately, but even with the slip-ups here and there, neither of us can explain why the scale suddenly jumped up 9 pounds a few weeks back, or why it's not going back down.
Emotionally, things have been really rough for me the last few months. After deciding that my relationship with my mother was nothing short of toxic and making the decision to estrange myself from my parents, I've been on a huge emotional roller coaster. I've had days where I'm fine and things seem clear to me, and then I have days where I seemingly cry for no apparent reason. It's one of the toughest decisions I've ever had to make and it's constantly bubbling beneath the surface.
During my meeting, the nutritionist and I discussed what could be causing the scale to not reflect my efforts. Sure, I've not been diligent about getting in my 12 glasses of water per day. Yes, there have been days (more than I'd like to admit) where I was over my calorie goal. Of course there are also days where the food choices I've made were not so stellar (birthday week wherein I had cake every night for 6 nights!) And unfortunately there have been days where I've neglected going to the gym or getting out for a walk. But for the scale to suddenly bounce up 8-9 pounds is unexplained. My belief that it was only water weight from a weekend of bad food has since waned after watching the scale stay up for weeks.
And then she asked about my thoughts and attitude toward myself. Let the waterworks begin! As I sat there blabbering on about my mother and how I am allegedly a "horrible daughter," I saw myself get smaller and smaller. Contrary to how I would describe myself, mentally I am horribly negative and tough on myself. And while there is no explanation as to why the scale is being so unkind lately, one thing was very clear: I have to learn to be positive.
My homework for the next few weeks is rough, but absolutely necessary. First, I need to identify my keys for success. One of the examples we wrote down was that I'm able to get my 12 glasses of water in when I'm mindful of the time and set time limits (e.g. 3 glasses by noon.) The second thing I need to do is to negate all of the negative thoughts I have by immediately countering them with a positive. So instead of repeatedly telling myself, "You only managed to lose 59 pounds in a year," I need to tell myself "But I lost 59 pounds! And over 40 inches!" Lastly, she suggested I focus more on picturing what I want the scale to read, rather than on what it says. Every night and every morning I step on the scale. This is hugely not recommended. I, personally, like seeing the difference between the two numbers and I know the reasoning behind those numbers enough to not freak out. Could I stop? Absolutely. That's not where my problem lies. My issue is that the numbers are not going down. Since the beginning of the year, I've lost roughly 15-20 pounds, which is barely even trying in my opinion. And lately, those numbers are bothering me. There's no explainable reason and it's starting to negatively impact how I view this journey. So instead of focusing on "the scale said X this morning," she wants me to envision stepping on the scale and seeing a smaller number and being excited about it.
So, do I think a mental overhaul will help the numbers come down? I'm not sure. The mind is a powerful thing, I won't deny that. While I don't think it's the only reason the scale isn't moving, I'm up to trying whatever I can in an effort to get back on track. Plus, I could use a little less negativity in my life!
Emotionally, things have been really rough for me the last few months. After deciding that my relationship with my mother was nothing short of toxic and making the decision to estrange myself from my parents, I've been on a huge emotional roller coaster. I've had days where I'm fine and things seem clear to me, and then I have days where I seemingly cry for no apparent reason. It's one of the toughest decisions I've ever had to make and it's constantly bubbling beneath the surface.
During my meeting, the nutritionist and I discussed what could be causing the scale to not reflect my efforts. Sure, I've not been diligent about getting in my 12 glasses of water per day. Yes, there have been days (more than I'd like to admit) where I was over my calorie goal. Of course there are also days where the food choices I've made were not so stellar (birthday week wherein I had cake every night for 6 nights!) And unfortunately there have been days where I've neglected going to the gym or getting out for a walk. But for the scale to suddenly bounce up 8-9 pounds is unexplained. My belief that it was only water weight from a weekend of bad food has since waned after watching the scale stay up for weeks.
And then she asked about my thoughts and attitude toward myself. Let the waterworks begin! As I sat there blabbering on about my mother and how I am allegedly a "horrible daughter," I saw myself get smaller and smaller. Contrary to how I would describe myself, mentally I am horribly negative and tough on myself. And while there is no explanation as to why the scale is being so unkind lately, one thing was very clear: I have to learn to be positive.
My homework for the next few weeks is rough, but absolutely necessary. First, I need to identify my keys for success. One of the examples we wrote down was that I'm able to get my 12 glasses of water in when I'm mindful of the time and set time limits (e.g. 3 glasses by noon.) The second thing I need to do is to negate all of the negative thoughts I have by immediately countering them with a positive. So instead of repeatedly telling myself, "You only managed to lose 59 pounds in a year," I need to tell myself "But I lost 59 pounds! And over 40 inches!" Lastly, she suggested I focus more on picturing what I want the scale to read, rather than on what it says. Every night and every morning I step on the scale. This is hugely not recommended. I, personally, like seeing the difference between the two numbers and I know the reasoning behind those numbers enough to not freak out. Could I stop? Absolutely. That's not where my problem lies. My issue is that the numbers are not going down. Since the beginning of the year, I've lost roughly 15-20 pounds, which is barely even trying in my opinion. And lately, those numbers are bothering me. There's no explainable reason and it's starting to negatively impact how I view this journey. So instead of focusing on "the scale said X this morning," she wants me to envision stepping on the scale and seeing a smaller number and being excited about it.
So, do I think a mental overhaul will help the numbers come down? I'm not sure. The mind is a powerful thing, I won't deny that. While I don't think it's the only reason the scale isn't moving, I'm up to trying whatever I can in an effort to get back on track. Plus, I could use a little less negativity in my life!
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
189.4 - 64.4 pounds to go
Ugh! I just cannot seem to get back on track lately. It seems like everyday includes either eating too much, or making bad food choices, or both. It also didn't help matters that last week was birthday week. Since my birthday was on Tuesday this year, we decided to invite people over on Saturday. But we couldn't just do nothing on the actual day! So we took the roomie to a local coney place we had never been to, then decided on a Japanese Steakhouse for dinner - not tons of sodium hiding there! No sir! And since I am a huge slacker when it comes to my birthday (denial maybe?), I didn't bake a cake. And since that isn't acceptable at all, we headed to a local grocery store bakery to pick one up. Since the roomie decided we should get a 13x9 cake rather than a really small cake, you know, because he would eat it all, I happily obliged. Stupid me! That really just meant that all three of us had cake every single night up until the weekend when I made a cake for the party. So, not only did we eat bad on my birthday, and a couple days after that, but we also had cake for dessert every night from Tuesday through Sunday, as well as some of the cookies I made for said party, plus all the traditional store-bought barbecue food because with all the baking I did (3 types of cookies, a 3-layer cake, and ice cream), I didn't have time or energy to care about making things like potato salad - though I did make baked beans!
So, the scale being up, *again,* should really come as no surprise, it's just a little defeating. I see the nutritionist this weekend and I am really ashamed just thinking about going and telling her how awful things have been. I also have a training session that morning and being as I haven't been since August 24th, I'm really not looking forward to the butt-kicking and soreness that will inevitably occur. Okay, I lie, I kind of am, but talk to me about it Saturday and I may sing a different tune!
So, the scale being up, *again,* should really come as no surprise, it's just a little defeating. I see the nutritionist this weekend and I am really ashamed just thinking about going and telling her how awful things have been. I also have a training session that morning and being as I haven't been since August 24th, I'm really not looking forward to the butt-kicking and soreness that will inevitably occur. Okay, I lie, I kind of am, but talk to me about it Saturday and I may sing a different tune!
Monday, September 3, 2012
188.6 - 63.6 pounds to go
This backward slide has got to end. I figured that the issue was excess water weight from all the sodium in our not-so-great food choices lately, and maybe it still is, but I thought that the scale would reflect that by now.
Our camping trip was far from what I had expected. Since we hadn't been camping in probably 8-10 years, we ended up renting a little cabin in a state park. I had no idea you could do such things! When we got there, I initially thought the place was kind of cute. It was a small cabin with just a main room with the beds and long table with a mini fridge and microwave on top, and a decent sized bathroom. We unpacked, ran to the corner party store for some firewood and ice cream sundaes, and decided since the fire would take a couple hours to build and put us eating dinner at around 10:00pm, we'd head into town and grab dinner. What a joke! The bar we ended up going to was the only place we saw that was open (that wasn't a pizza joint) and was packed with people watching football, snacking, and drinking beer. I had assumed since it was so busy, it had to be a good sign. Instead, we left aggravated and wishing we had walked out. My food was barely room temp, our fries were cold, the waitress came by only to take our order and give us our food. I think we were there over an hour, easily. If it hadn't been for the fear of someone catching us walking out on our tab, we would have done so, especially when two different waitresses told us to have a good night (before giving us our tab) and asked if we had been given our tab.
Once we got back to the cabin, I started noticing all the little things I didn't like: the vinyl-coated hard-as-a-rock mattresses, the dirt/sand-coated floor, the lack of any sort of cellphone signal. Our bed sheet didn't fold under the corners, which meant that every time we moved, the sheets came off, leaving the vinyl exposed. Earlier in the week, I had pulled a muscle in my lower back, and the mattress did a wonderful job making it worse. Now add in there that my husband forgot his CPAP mask, meaning he would be snoring in addition to me being paranoid about the sheet coming off and my back being angry.
We ended up leaving the campground a day early. In fact, we really only stayed there from about 8:00pm Friday until 3:00pm Saturday, just enough time to unpack things and then re-pack them. No hiking (too many darn mosquitoes), no beach, just a fire to make grilled cheese sandwiches while we tried to decide when to leave. At least it was the best grilled cheese sandwich I've ever had! And I learned that I am apparently not nearly as outdoorsy as I wanted to be. I hate bugs, I hate germs (the vinyl mattress cover), I like clean floors I can walk around on barefoot, I like having WiFi or at least a signal so I can do things. I never felt more prissy in my entire life.
Our camping trip was far from what I had expected. Since we hadn't been camping in probably 8-10 years, we ended up renting a little cabin in a state park. I had no idea you could do such things! When we got there, I initially thought the place was kind of cute. It was a small cabin with just a main room with the beds and long table with a mini fridge and microwave on top, and a decent sized bathroom. We unpacked, ran to the corner party store for some firewood and ice cream sundaes, and decided since the fire would take a couple hours to build and put us eating dinner at around 10:00pm, we'd head into town and grab dinner. What a joke! The bar we ended up going to was the only place we saw that was open (that wasn't a pizza joint) and was packed with people watching football, snacking, and drinking beer. I had assumed since it was so busy, it had to be a good sign. Instead, we left aggravated and wishing we had walked out. My food was barely room temp, our fries were cold, the waitress came by only to take our order and give us our food. I think we were there over an hour, easily. If it hadn't been for the fear of someone catching us walking out on our tab, we would have done so, especially when two different waitresses told us to have a good night (before giving us our tab) and asked if we had been given our tab.
Once we got back to the cabin, I started noticing all the little things I didn't like: the vinyl-coated hard-as-a-rock mattresses, the dirt/sand-coated floor, the lack of any sort of cellphone signal. Our bed sheet didn't fold under the corners, which meant that every time we moved, the sheets came off, leaving the vinyl exposed. Earlier in the week, I had pulled a muscle in my lower back, and the mattress did a wonderful job making it worse. Now add in there that my husband forgot his CPAP mask, meaning he would be snoring in addition to me being paranoid about the sheet coming off and my back being angry.
We ended up leaving the campground a day early. In fact, we really only stayed there from about 8:00pm Friday until 3:00pm Saturday, just enough time to unpack things and then re-pack them. No hiking (too many darn mosquitoes), no beach, just a fire to make grilled cheese sandwiches while we tried to decide when to leave. At least it was the best grilled cheese sandwich I've ever had! And I learned that I am apparently not nearly as outdoorsy as I wanted to be. I hate bugs, I hate germs (the vinyl mattress cover), I like clean floors I can walk around on barefoot, I like having WiFi or at least a signal so I can do things. I never felt more prissy in my entire life.
Monday, August 27, 2012
187.4 - 62.4 pounds to go!
What a shamefully bad weekend of pigging out! There is really no shock to this weigh-in being so horrible. But I'm clinging to the fact that it has to all be water weight. My sodium was out of control and while I might have gained a pound, no way I gained 8.
We picked up our new roommate on Thursday, which meant grabbing lunch while there. I actually did pretty well with that: a chicken sandwich with avocado and lettuce, no sauce (they forgot) and fruit instead of chips. Then we stopped by a couple stores that sell exclusively cherry-themed goods. So yummy!
For dinner, we decided to treat the roommate to one of our favorite places because who wants leftover goulash their first night? So we took him to one of our favorite pizza places instead! And then came Friday night, after a long trip to Ikea, where we of course had lunch! So dinner was a great burger place that we hadn't been to in a few months.
Saturday was disastrous in terms of food. My oldest niece had her graduation party, so again, lots of bad food. I went into in with the mindset that I wasn't going to eat much, that we'd eat sensibly before and afterward. Not so much! I had made cake and Oreo cheesecake cupcakes, plus there was a cake from a bakery. Saying the fat girl emerged would be an understatement!
After we left the party, we both agreed we were really hungry. Even after all the food we had eaten, we just didn't feel full. Maybe it was because most of it was processed junk, maybe it was in our heads, who knows. So we picked up dinner from a favorite chicken place local to our area so the roommate could experience his third local area favorite.
This week, after all of that awful food and increase in calories, it has been really hard to get back into the groove. I've not been drinking enough water. I've gone over on calories a couple times. I've not been to the gym thanks to busy-as-heck schedules during the day and a lack of motivation after dinner.
This next weigh-in will actually be a day late as we are going camping, and while I intend to thoroughly enjoy myself, it will not be anything like last weekend! I felt fine up until around Sunday, when it felt like my stomach was going to war with all the horrible food choices I had made. So while I don't always feel like we eat the best we can, we've definitely come leaps and bounds!
We picked up our new roommate on Thursday, which meant grabbing lunch while there. I actually did pretty well with that: a chicken sandwich with avocado and lettuce, no sauce (they forgot) and fruit instead of chips. Then we stopped by a couple stores that sell exclusively cherry-themed goods. So yummy!
For dinner, we decided to treat the roommate to one of our favorite places because who wants leftover goulash their first night? So we took him to one of our favorite pizza places instead! And then came Friday night, after a long trip to Ikea, where we of course had lunch! So dinner was a great burger place that we hadn't been to in a few months.
Saturday was disastrous in terms of food. My oldest niece had her graduation party, so again, lots of bad food. I went into in with the mindset that I wasn't going to eat much, that we'd eat sensibly before and afterward. Not so much! I had made cake and Oreo cheesecake cupcakes, plus there was a cake from a bakery. Saying the fat girl emerged would be an understatement!
After we left the party, we both agreed we were really hungry. Even after all the food we had eaten, we just didn't feel full. Maybe it was because most of it was processed junk, maybe it was in our heads, who knows. So we picked up dinner from a favorite chicken place local to our area so the roommate could experience his third local area favorite.
This week, after all of that awful food and increase in calories, it has been really hard to get back into the groove. I've not been drinking enough water. I've gone over on calories a couple times. I've not been to the gym thanks to busy-as-heck schedules during the day and a lack of motivation after dinner.
This next weigh-in will actually be a day late as we are going camping, and while I intend to thoroughly enjoy myself, it will not be anything like last weekend! I felt fine up until around Sunday, when it felt like my stomach was going to war with all the horrible food choices I had made. So while I don't always feel like we eat the best we can, we've definitely come leaps and bounds!
Monday, August 20, 2012
179.4 - 54.4 pounds to go!
Finally! To see that scale dip below 180 was such a great feeling, and it happening this weekend was all the better. I celebrated one year on Sunday, even though I technically started this journey last July. But after some thought, I decided to go with the date I became truly serious. I had been trying to eat a little less and eat better, but it wasn't until mid-August that we joined the gym and I signed up with MyFitnessPal. So, yes it's off, but ignore that!
I met with the nutritionist on Friday and I guess it went okay. I had only lost 3 pounds since my last visit with her, which was 6 weeks prior as opposed to 4. That was a bit depressing, but I had gone into the weekend saying that all negative thoughts were going to be pushed aside. She also pointed out, again, that I was eating 1600 calories before and now I'm actually eating more than that and should ween myself back down. I tend to disagree on this point though. I think I was eating too little when I was starting out, so while it was great to have the pounds just dropping off, I'd rather go about this in a healthy manner. I've also been pretty good lately about hitting the gym at least 4-5 days per week, so I think 1850 calories is completely safe. And from the scale saying I dropped 2 pounds, I'm going to keep on the way I am for now! Aside from that, we changed up my meal plan a little bit. I'd recently been feeling really hungry in the late morning up until dinner and she decided maybe it was due to having too few carbs before/after a workout. I'd been trying to really up my protein and lower my carbs (I always go over 40%) but she said 85-90g of protein is just fine and that I should think about upping my carbs to 45% to help fuel my workouts. As always, I'm willing to try it! Being hungry so often is really annoying and if that helps, I'm all for it! Aside from that, we're trying to mix in more fruits and veggies - nothing too new there. I'm always really bad with veggies being as I hate most of them unless they are cooked. Her idea involves either a side salad with lunch or some leftover veggies from dinner. Why I had never thought of that, who knows. I'm also back to eating a full sandwich at lunch to see if that helps. I had recently started eating just the meat and cheese since I kept going over on carbs, but the last week or two, every time I would get to the gym before lunch, my stomach would start growling like I hadn't eaten all day and I would just feel like I couldn't give it my all. So, more carbs equals more bread and hopefully less stomach growling and fatigue!
I spent a good few hours on Sunday trying to find "before" pictures of myself that weren't half naked and completely embarrassing. The best I could come up with was one from October, after I had already lost 20 pounds. Looking back, I wish I had taken pictures not only in limited clothing to see all my rolls and jiggly spots, but in an outfit or two for comparison sake. But, I found the picture below and decided it would suffice. The shirt is an XL and it was pretty tight though the lighting poorly shows it. The pants are the dreaded Target pants that say they are a size 20, but I currently wear a loose 16 (omg, to say that!) and those 20's fit almost perfectly. But, what you can't see in the picture is that they were about three inches from buttoning. (I decided to keep that picture to myself for now!)
My favorite picture is this next one. I had calculated the number of inches I had lost in the last year and decided to get a picture of me showing the number of inches with a measuring tape. It also shows how lose the shirt and jeans are a little better since I'm not standing with my arms straight at my sides. It's so weird to remember those jeans being so stinkin' tight. My thighs barely fit and I was just praying for the day when I could zip them up, even if it meant laying down on the bed first!
I met with the nutritionist on Friday and I guess it went okay. I had only lost 3 pounds since my last visit with her, which was 6 weeks prior as opposed to 4. That was a bit depressing, but I had gone into the weekend saying that all negative thoughts were going to be pushed aside. She also pointed out, again, that I was eating 1600 calories before and now I'm actually eating more than that and should ween myself back down. I tend to disagree on this point though. I think I was eating too little when I was starting out, so while it was great to have the pounds just dropping off, I'd rather go about this in a healthy manner. I've also been pretty good lately about hitting the gym at least 4-5 days per week, so I think 1850 calories is completely safe. And from the scale saying I dropped 2 pounds, I'm going to keep on the way I am for now! Aside from that, we changed up my meal plan a little bit. I'd recently been feeling really hungry in the late morning up until dinner and she decided maybe it was due to having too few carbs before/after a workout. I'd been trying to really up my protein and lower my carbs (I always go over 40%) but she said 85-90g of protein is just fine and that I should think about upping my carbs to 45% to help fuel my workouts. As always, I'm willing to try it! Being hungry so often is really annoying and if that helps, I'm all for it! Aside from that, we're trying to mix in more fruits and veggies - nothing too new there. I'm always really bad with veggies being as I hate most of them unless they are cooked. Her idea involves either a side salad with lunch or some leftover veggies from dinner. Why I had never thought of that, who knows. I'm also back to eating a full sandwich at lunch to see if that helps. I had recently started eating just the meat and cheese since I kept going over on carbs, but the last week or two, every time I would get to the gym before lunch, my stomach would start growling like I hadn't eaten all day and I would just feel like I couldn't give it my all. So, more carbs equals more bread and hopefully less stomach growling and fatigue!
I spent a good few hours on Sunday trying to find "before" pictures of myself that weren't half naked and completely embarrassing. The best I could come up with was one from October, after I had already lost 20 pounds. Looking back, I wish I had taken pictures not only in limited clothing to see all my rolls and jiggly spots, but in an outfit or two for comparison sake. But, I found the picture below and decided it would suffice. The shirt is an XL and it was pretty tight though the lighting poorly shows it. The pants are the dreaded Target pants that say they are a size 20, but I currently wear a loose 16 (omg, to say that!) and those 20's fit almost perfectly. But, what you can't see in the picture is that they were about three inches from buttoning. (I decided to keep that picture to myself for now!)
 |
| XL Shirt and size 20 (really like a 16) pant. 10/09/11 vs. 08/19/12 |
My favorite picture is this next one. I had calculated the number of inches I had lost in the last year and decided to get a picture of me showing the number of inches with a measuring tape. It also shows how lose the shirt and jeans are a little better since I'm not standing with my arms straight at my sides. It's so weird to remember those jeans being so stinkin' tight. My thighs barely fit and I was just praying for the day when I could zip them up, even if it meant laying down on the bed first!
 |
| Showing the number of inches lost - 40.25" |
So, here are my tallies for the year.
Weight lost: 59.2 pounds (238.6 down to 179.4)
Inches lost: 40.25 (almost as many inches as pounds!)
Measurements from 8/21/11 and 8/19/12:
Neck: 16" down to 13.5" - 2.5" lost
Bicep (R): 15" down to 13.25" - 1.75" lost
Bicep (L): 15" down to 13" (estimated starting measurement) - 2" lost
Chest: 49" down to 41.5" - 7.5" lost
Waist: 49" down to 41" - 8" lost
Hips: 50" down to 45" - 5" lost
Thigh (R): 26" down to 22.25" - 3.75" lost
Thigh (L): 26" down to 21" - (estimated starting measurement) - 5" lost
Calf (R): 17.25" down to 15" - 2.25" lost
Calf (L): 17.25" down to 14.75" (estimated starting measurement) - 2.5" lost
I keep hearing the voice in my head saying that some of those measurements are probably off (just look at the new thigh measurements and the difference between the two). But I'm pushing them back because I know those were only a sampling. There's really no true way to know how many inches I've lost but just look at all the areas I wasn't measuring that are now slimmer: my chin, my fingers, my ankles, etc. So, 40.25" it is whether it likes it or not. Now to work on all the negativity!
Oh, I almost forgot the best (well, maybe not) part! I got my hair hacked off on Saturday, so I was fussing around with it on Sunday morning, trying my best to make it look decent. As I turned my head this way and that, I noticed wrinkles on my chin. Not age wrinkles, but "I've lost weight" wrinkles, the ones caused by excess skin. The only way I could describe it is if you've ever played with balloon weights made from filling a balloon with sand. I pushed the current fat aside, the wrinkles went with it and stayed. I pushed the other way, and again, they went that way. I came out of the bathroom telling my husband about my new, weirdly scary but fascinating discovery, pushing my chin fat this way and that for him to see. It's my first taste of the loose skin issue and it's one I've been afraid of since the start. I've no doubt in my mind that it will be an issue after 10+ years of being obese. But, I'd rather be skinny and worry about loose skin than be miserable and obese again. Mark my words, self - you are never going back to 250 pounds again!
Monday, August 13, 2012
181.6 - 56.6 pounds to go!
I was delightfully surprised by the scale this week. My water intake wasn't so great and the scale pretty much stuck at 183-184 all week. Saturday I was feeling pretty deflated: the scale was sticking again, one year is rapidly approaching, clothes felt like they were tighter than normal. And while it's never a feeling of giving up, it definitely leaves me wondering what else I can do differently. I'm definitely proud of how far I have come, I won't argue that, but I am a huge bit disappointed when I see that I've lost just barely more than 20 pounds since January 1st. Eight and a half months later, I was hoping to be a good deal lighter than I am now. Twenty-one pounds in eight and a half months is barely 2.5 pounds per month. Ugh! I miss how easy it was in the beginning, how the pounds were just flying off. Granted, I was eating about the same amount of calories as I am now, and I was 65 pounds heavier, but dammit, it was nice! I don't even want that overnight-I'm-suddenly-skinny dream so many have - just a constant 1-2 pound loss per week would be nice. I'll just keep dreaming, and hopefully make it happen.
So, next week marks one year. It's bittersweet as I see how far I've come, but also how far I have left to go. I keep holding onto that mantra of "the year is going to pass whether I do something or not." Ultimately, I have to remember that it won't matter how long it takes, that no one but me will care (and once there, even I probably won't!) and that the end is all that matters.
So, next week marks one year. It's bittersweet as I see how far I've come, but also how far I have left to go. I keep holding onto that mantra of "the year is going to pass whether I do something or not." Ultimately, I have to remember that it won't matter how long it takes, that no one but me will care (and once there, even I probably won't!) and that the end is all that matters.
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