The Elliptical Was My Bitch

Last night when we left the gym, I was angry at myself. I rode the elliptical for 7 minutes as my warm-up before strength training and I was so tired. The longest I had ever gone on one was 15 minutes and it took all I had (imo anyway.) So leaving last night, I swore, "Someday, I'm gonna own that damn thing." Not own as in purchase, but ya know, more like defeat it. But I just could not use the elliptical.

Tonight, that changed! I went in thinking I would only ride it for 20 minutes. The husband had said he was aiming for an hour and I thought he was crazy. But slowly, the minutes climbed and I thought "if I can physically still push down on these steps, I can keep going." And keep going I did!

It should have been a nice round number, but half way through I decided to listen to music instead of watch TV. Dummy me, however, had the phone leaning against the "cool down" button so as I was doing something, I hit it. I about cried. I knew I was aiming for another 25+ minutes so I could take a picture. I had it all planned out in my head, and even considered trying to be in the shot. Instead, all I could do was prey that I could keep increasing the cool down minutes (to over 30!) and guess at how long it had been. Either way though, I'm proud. I set out to defeat that machine, and I think I did just that!

227.8 - 102.8 pounds to go!

So clearly Sunday was a great day! I was really hoping that the scale would wiggle down to 227.6 so I could lose 3 pounds even, but oh well!

The bigger part of my week was the class we took at the gym on Friday. The sign for the class showed kettlebells, so I was a bit excited thinking we'd be getting to play around with those. HA! Not even close! Here's a list of the exercises we did (all done twice except stretches):

• circuit 1: jumping jacks, push-ups, planks
• circuit 2: pelvic thrusts, stiff leg lifts, shoulder touch push-ups, kneel to stand drills (or kneel stand kneel drills)
• circuit 3: long stride sprints, squat thrusts
• circuit 4: traffic cone leg/arm swaps (we basically put our left leg out and touched the cone in front of us with our left hand, then jumped and swapped to the other side), Bosu ball arm thrusts (quickly), stability ball arm squeezes
• stretching: hamstring stretches, forward arm circles, backward arm circles, arching side stretches, camel/cat stretches, butterfly stretch.

Everything was extremely difficult for us. The first jumping jacks were fine, and then it all went downhill. I could maybe do 3 modified push-ups, and I held the plank for maybe 10 seconds. Pelvic thrusts were fine even through the second set. The stiff leg lifts I had to modify. He wanted us to lift our legs up straight and alternately lower them down and back up. Instead, I bent at the knees and kicked straight out. The should touches were brutal! I can't stay in a push-up position, let alone on one hand as I slap a shoulder. Ugh! And the kneel to stand drills hurt my knees.

The sprints were difficult only in that he wanted us to run to a cone and back, then across the room and back in long strides. "To the cone should be 3 steps!" HA! I think I was taking like 6-7. In comparison to the squat thrusts though, it was easy. I could at least just run. The thrusts made me feel like a frog and all awkward.

Come stretching time, I suddenly felt sick. I remember giggling during the arm circles as the instructor explained that in the military he was called "Giggles." He was telling us about a time when he challenged his instructor and I noticed my arms were super tired. We moved in to the arching side stretches and I recall feeling really tired. He came over as I put my arms down and forced me to stretch over toward my husband. I remember him explaining how it should arch like a bridge and made us into a bridge. And then I felt ill. The room was spinning, my eyes couldn't focus, I felt like I would be sick. I stood there, not sure of what to do. Was I going to puke? Could I walk to the bathroom? The sick feeling left but the urge to pass out was creeping up on me. Thankfully the instructor noticed and brought me a glucose tab while the others did some cat/camel stretches (of course, the one I really wanted to learn properly!) I felt a little better within a few minutes, enough to learn a lower back stretch (bend at the waist, hook fingers under toes or grab calves, alternately bend one knee at a time like walking in place). I felt sick for a good hour or so afterward.

Now the gym is asking us if we want to sign up for any of the classes on a regular basis and as time goes on, I think "we really should do something to push ourselves!" But being sore from Saturday through today makes me cringe at the thought of doing that class on a weekly basis.

Sunday Should Be A Good Day

So I peeked this morning at the scale, and yesterday morning as well. I had told myself it had to stop. Once a week, that's it! But this morning was a pleasant surprise - 238.0! This leads me to question Sunday's weigh-in. Did I really gain a pound? Was it water weight? Did taking a couple days off help somehow? Which let me tell you, two consecutive days off from the gym is BAD! I mean, it was good, but it made going back really hard. After just two days, I was tired and wanted to nap again after getting home. Once we were there though, even with my back hurting all day, it was easy to get going. I don't care for cardio days so much, but strength training days are almost fun! There are so many options, and once you start to get tired you just go swap to a different set of muscles. I get intimidated when there are lots of people and trainers in that area, but maybe soon I'll get over that.

Gym Fears

I have no idea what my deal was yesterday. Being as it was strength training day, I was looking forward to going to the gym for most of the day. A couple hours beforehand, I started to just feel mopey. I wanted to go home and lay on the couch, all evening. No exercise, no strength training, just couch. We still went, of course. Then the issue quickly became that it was bloody busy as hell in there. We parked and knew it was crowded and I repeated out loud that I had every right to be there, more in fact since I have so much to lose!

While doing squats, the head trainer corrected me on my foot positioning. No big deal and it helped cause the way I was doing it made my knees hurt! But then I noticed my trainer, exactly where I needed to be. Ugh! I know from training with her that she watches people. And having had the head trainer correct me, coupled with doing new things on my own that she never showed me, I was mortified. I ended up skipping a few exercises all out of sheer fear and embarrassment.

Heading home, I was disappointed in myself. I was angry we went and I didn't do as much as I wanted, and we were going to be eating late as usual. The prospect of waking up at 5am to go workout first does not appeal to me though. Maybe someday I will change my mind, but at the moment, no way!

I'm also dreading the inevitable S.A.D. that is coming up. The days are getting shorter and colder. I can just feel it deep down, clawing to get out. I desperately hope the husband has motivation to get me out the door. Now is when I really wish I had some followers for support later on. Or that I could live on the other side of the globe in a few months!

Gym Anxiety

A couple days ago I did my first strength training circuit without the trainer by my side. Huge anxiety levels! There were so many people there, and I had to keep taking out my sheet of paper that she wrote on, figuring out which machine to use and what to set it all at. I had to keep skipping over machines because they were in use, and then I skipped a couple due to not knowing what to do or forgetting. I was supposed to do push-ups but couldn't figure out how to place the weight bar in the same position it was in last week. Then in all my anxiety, I forgot to throw the medicine ball around. And at one point, I couldn't find either of the stability balls I needed. Then I noticed one off in a corner with no one by it, so I went and grabbed it only for some guy to suddenly walk up and say "I'm using that!" Ugh, then get your ass over here and use the damn thing! Like I was going to hog it, do you see me?! Do you really think I could walk off with it for like half an hour? Really?!

Tonight I have to do strength training again and I am so afraid of it being busy in there. I know it'll get easier as I learn the machines. Then I have to learn new machines, and on my own, which is even more frightening. But there is no way we can afford the trainer. Time to become an expert at strength training I guess!

Gym: Day 2, and Compliments Are Nice

So day 2 at the gym was a bit better. I changed before we went, which meant just throwing my purse into a locker. No changing in a hurry, praying no one comes in. No trying to hurry while the husband waits. We also took my oldest niece along as she is staying with us for the next week and a half. I wasn't sure if she would want to, or if I wanted her to, but it all worked out pretty well. Her and I rode stationary bikes and talked while Matt walked on the treadmill before joining us.

Somehow, the bikes at the gym are so much different than mine at home. Mine has less resistance bands, which means at the gym that I have to set it at 5-6 to feel like a 2 on my home bike. So one would think it would be easier to do more/go farther on the gym bikes. Ugh, if only. Instead I log my activity and see that I've gone considerably slower, like 5 mph slower. It just makes no sense to me. But today my outer thighs are slightly sore, so I must have worked them more than normal.

I met my trainer by chance. She was talking to a woman by us, then came over and asked how things were going. I was immediately annoyed that I said "I'm dyin'" and her response was "no no, we don't say those words around here! you're not dying!" Well yes, woman, I understand in the literal sense that I am indeed living, and in fact prolonging my life, but as a matter of speech, I was tired, sweaty, and wishing I could stop. So my trainer is this very thin, blond woman from CA who overly perky, enthusiastic and positive. While I understand why my husband points out that they kind of have to be, I know that while I am pushing myself to the point of hurting, I don't want a cheerleader. Well, maybe I do, but I don't!

Today I told two co-workers about our new "changed lifestyle." Both were extremely supportive, of course. One offered some tips, which the gym employees had already covered: strength training first, then cardio. I was taken a bit off guard at the info he seemed to have learned from his friend, namely because he's lost weight via depression/starvation. The other co-worker was "inspired." I told her to wait a good 6 months before being inspired, but it was nice to hear.

Gym: Day 1

Last night was our first night going to the gym and I learned a lot.

I felt like I took too much stuff with me for starters. I decided to take my bag, loaded with workout clothes, a towel, a book, my shoes. Then add my new purse, which is pretty big (to me) as well. I changed in a hurry, hoping no one would come in as I took my bra off or something, which thankfully didn't happen. But do I really feel like changing that fast every time? Do I go into a stall instead? Maybe I should do like my husband did and just wear my outfit there, lock up my purse and be done with it.

So first we walked on the treadmill. All I could do was notice the people around us that were jogging/running, pray my calves would not start burning, and ward off fears that people were watching my fat ass jiggle as I walked at my measly 2.2 mph. We did the 5 min cooldown at the end, which slowed us all the way down to .5 mph at the end and some woman was looking at us like we were dumb. Do people not do the cooldown?!

Stationary bikes were definitely outnumbered by the treadmills, ellipticals, and some other machine I don't know the name of. Thankfully, not many people seem to use them. The recumbent kicked my butt. It was nice not having my butt hurt and leaning back, but holding my legs up while peddling tired me out way faster than an upright bike. So, I switched! Now my complaint is that I go way faster on my bike at home, but as my husband noted, we had just walked on the treadmill. So now I'm torn between walking and biking, or just biking (which I can do at home!) While I think I should definitely walk to build up some muscle and gain speed, I'd much rather peddle my life away on a bike, and it burned more calories, which at this stage, I need to do!

235.6 - 110.6 pounds to go!

What a great feeling seeing the scale go down 3 pounds!

We still haven't hit the gym yet. We bought new shorts/pants, shoes, and locks for the lockers. We even know what bags we'll be using (him Nintendo, me Domo). I think the anxiety of not knowing what to do and how often is stopping me until a trainer calls us. It's silly, I know this and I tell myself this constantly, but I can't defeat the anxiety of going. Regardless, they should call tomorrow to schedule a meet-up, so there's not much longer.

Gym Anxiety

So today I signed up at a local gym and holy hell am I anxious, still. I tried to tell myself going in that they could care less about what I look like, that I'm the one who cares. It was increasingly hard to do so as they asked more and more questions about motivation to be there, what I've done before this, etc. As much as it costs to sign up though, I am sticking to it!

I signed up for only a couple of sessions with a trainer, mainly to figure out what I need to do the most. That's the part that has me the most anxious, aside from knowing I can't do a whole lot. To start, they make you meet with a head trainer who goes over some info, takes measurements and does a couple tests. One was on a treadmill. He had me walk for 5 min at 2.5 mph at a 5% incline. That little bit was so tiring and made the outside of my legs hurt so bad. I felt so pathetic being winded that fast. I understand a trainer has to be in really good shape and all, but it definitely made me feel like a huge loser.

So, measurements for future reference, which also reinforce why I feel like a big blob:
neck: 16"
bicep: 15"
chest: 49"
waist: 49"
hips: 50"
thigh: 26"
calf: 17.25"