Gym Anxiety

A couple days ago I did my first strength training circuit without the trainer by my side. Huge anxiety levels! There were so many people there, and I had to keep taking out my sheet of paper that she wrote on, figuring out which machine to use and what to set it all at. I had to keep skipping over machines because they were in use, and then I skipped a couple due to not knowing what to do or forgetting. I was supposed to do push-ups but couldn't figure out how to place the weight bar in the same position it was in last week. Then in all my anxiety, I forgot to throw the medicine ball around. And at one point, I couldn't find either of the stability balls I needed. Then I noticed one off in a corner with no one by it, so I went and grabbed it only for some guy to suddenly walk up and say "I'm using that!" Ugh, then get your ass over here and use the damn thing! Like I was going to hog it, do you see me?! Do you really think I could walk off with it for like half an hour? Really?!

Tonight I have to do strength training again and I am so afraid of it being busy in there. I know it'll get easier as I learn the machines. Then I have to learn new machines, and on my own, which is even more frightening. But there is no way we can afford the trainer. Time to become an expert at strength training I guess!

233.2 - 108.2 pounds to go!

Current Weight: 233.2 pounds

Current BMI: 42.65

BMI Lost: 2.15

Pounds Lost: 11.8

Pounds to Meet Mini-Goal: 8.2

Pounds until BMI is 'obese' instead of 'morbidly obese' (218): 15.2 pounds

Gym: Day 2, and Compliments Are Nice

So day 2 at the gym was a bit better. I changed before we went, which meant just throwing my purse into a locker. No changing in a hurry, praying no one comes in. No trying to hurry while the husband waits. We also took my oldest niece along as she is staying with us for the next week and a half. I wasn't sure if she would want to, or if I wanted her to, but it all worked out pretty well. Her and I rode stationary bikes and talked while Matt walked on the treadmill before joining us.

Somehow, the bikes at the gym are so much different than mine at home. Mine has less resistance bands, which means at the gym that I have to set it at 5-6 to feel like a 2 on my home bike. So one would think it would be easier to do more/go farther on the gym bikes. Ugh, if only. Instead I log my activity and see that I've gone considerably slower, like 5 mph slower. It just makes no sense to me. But today my outer thighs are slightly sore, so I must have worked them more than normal.

I met my trainer by chance. She was talking to a woman by us, then came over and asked how things were going. I was immediately annoyed that I said "I'm dyin'" and her response was "no no, we don't say those words around here! you're not dying!" Well yes, woman, I understand in the literal sense that I am indeed living, and in fact prolonging my life, but as a matter of speech, I was tired, sweaty, and wishing I could stop. So my trainer is this very thin, blond woman from CA who overly perky, enthusiastic and positive. While I understand why my husband points out that they kind of have to be, I know that while I am pushing myself to the point of hurting, I don't want a cheerleader. Well, maybe I do, but I don't!

Today I told two co-workers about our new "changed lifestyle." Both were extremely supportive, of course. One offered some tips, which the gym employees had already covered: strength training first, then cardio. I was taken a bit off guard at the info he seemed to have learned from his friend, namely because he's lost weight via depression/starvation. The other co-worker was "inspired." I told her to wait a good 6 months before being inspired, but it was nice to hear.

Gym: Day 1

Last night was our first night going to the gym and I learned a lot.

I felt like I took too much stuff with me for starters. I decided to take my bag, loaded with workout clothes, a towel, a book, my shoes. Then add my new purse, which is pretty big (to me) as well. I changed in a hurry, hoping no one would come in as I took my bra off or something, which thankfully didn't happen. But do I really feel like changing that fast every time? Do I go into a stall instead? Maybe I should do like my husband did and just wear my outfit there, lock up my purse and be done with it.

So first we walked on the treadmill. All I could do was notice the people around us that were jogging/running, pray my calves would not start burning, and ward off fears that people were watching my fat ass jiggle as I walked at my measly 2.2 mph. We did the 5 min cooldown at the end, which slowed us all the way down to .5 mph at the end and some woman was looking at us like we were dumb. Do people not do the cooldown?!

Stationary bikes were definitely outnumbered by the treadmills, ellipticals, and some other machine I don't know the name of. Thankfully, not many people seem to use them. The recumbent kicked my butt. It was nice not having my butt hurt and leaning back, but holding my legs up while peddling tired me out way faster than an upright bike. So, I switched! Now my complaint is that I go way faster on my bike at home, but as my husband noted, we had just walked on the treadmill. So now I'm torn between walking and biking, or just biking (which I can do at home!) While I think I should definitely walk to build up some muscle and gain speed, I'd much rather peddle my life away on a bike, and it burned more calories, which at this stage, I need to do!

Things, They Are a-Changin'

Things I have changed in the last couple/few months:

• Cooking/baking from scratch as much as possible
• Stopped drinking pop and now drink water 95% of the time
• Exercising more (tonight is our first night going to the gym!)
• Eating less and trying to exercise portion control
• Following Ramit Sethi's advice re: saving money, investing, etc.
• Stopped playing World of Warcraft!

235.6 - 110.6 pounds to go!

What a great feeling seeing the scale go down 3 pounds!

We still haven't hit the gym yet. We bought new shorts/pants, shoes, and locks for the lockers. We even know what bags we'll be using (him Nintendo, me Domo). I think the anxiety of not knowing what to do and how often is stopping me until a trainer calls us. It's silly, I know this and I tell myself this constantly, but I can't defeat the anxiety of going. Regardless, they should call tomorrow to schedule a meet-up, so there's not much longer.

Two Milestones Today

I rode the bike twice today! Twice!! The first time, I spent 32 min at the second resistance level. Normally I only spend about 5 min before I feel too tired in the knees/thighs, but today I spent the whole time on that level. Then we did some errands, got some more items for the gym, and I rode again while we watched a show... for 55 min! I feel great just knowing I rode not once, but twice, let alone on step 2 and for almost 90 min today! Crossing my fingers for a great weigh-in tomorrow!

Gym Anxiety

So today I signed up at a local gym and holy hell am I anxious, still. I tried to tell myself going in that they could care less about what I look like, that I'm the one who cares. It was increasingly hard to do so as they asked more and more questions about motivation to be there, what I've done before this, etc. As much as it costs to sign up though, I am sticking to it!

I signed up for only a couple of sessions with a trainer, mainly to figure out what I need to do the most. That's the part that has me the most anxious, aside from knowing I can't do a whole lot. To start, they make you meet with a head trainer who goes over some info, takes measurements and does a couple tests. One was on a treadmill. He had me walk for 5 min at 2.5 mph at a 5% incline. That little bit was so tiring and made the outside of my legs hurt so bad. I felt so pathetic being winded that fast. I understand a trainer has to be in really good shape and all, but it definitely made me feel like a huge loser.

So, measurements for future reference, which also reinforce why I feel like a big blob:
neck: 16"
bicep: 15"
chest: 49"
waist: 49"
hips: 50"
thigh: 26"
calf: 17.25"

Oww!

I realize that I didn't ride the bike for 5 days and therefore, my butt should hurt from riding the bike. But after riding for 3 days in a row, the pain isn't getting any better. So, today I bought a Zoic Urban Assault Wide Pad. After looking around at what others suggest for an aching rear end, I came across two suggestions: new saddle, or wear bike shorts. My big concern with a saddle was that most recommend going to a local bike shop to ensure you can try several seats, make sure it is fitted properly, etc. Seems a bit hard to a stationary bike. So shorts seemed like a good, no-brainer idea. Instead of a padded seat, pad your own seat! The price ranged a lot, as did size, and then I worried I would either get a pair that were too big or too small, or that they would eventually need replacing from losing weight. Somehow I came across the removable piece, and while there aren't any reviews that I can find (unbelievable, I know!), I figure you can't lose with something that fits in whatever you want to wear, no matter the size. That's my hope anyway....

238.6 - 113.6 pounds to go (again)

Two steps forward, one step back. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised being as I know what I ate and how little I exercised. I hadn't gotten on the exercise bike since Aug. 9! A whole 5 days without riding! Ugh! It seemed like every time I had good intentions to do so, we got home too late or I was tired from being outside, etc. I guess it just means that pretty soon, I might have to wake up earlier so I can do it before work. That alone might motivate me to get my butt on the bike even if it's midnight! I know, I know, then I'm not utilizing the exercise correctly and it could be helping me burn calories all day, but sleep is important! >.<

So, here's to another week. Hopefully it won't be filled with bad decisions again.

237.0 - 112 pounds to go

It felt great to see that all my hard work this week paid off. I ate a little better (not perfect, but better) and I rode the stationary bike 3 times. Moving the seat up another notch and forward a little bit seemed to help, so no expensive bike seat needed!

Current Weight: 237.0 pounds

Current BMI: 43.3

BMI Lost: 1.5

Pounds Lost: 8

Pounds to Meet Mini-Goal: 13

Pounds until BMI is 'obese' instead of 'morbidly obese': 19 pounds

Farmer's Market Haul

We finally went back to the farmer's market yesterday and for $25, I think we did pretty well!

• Bread (1 loaf) 
• Zucchini (1) 
• Squash (1) 
• Green beans
• Onions (3)
• Peaches (8)
• Corn (4 ears) 
• Potatoes 
• Cauliflower (1 head)
• Carrots 
• Garlic (1)

What A Dilemma

So today I face a dilemma I never thought I would have: whether or not to ride the exercise bike. And not like "ugh, I don't feel like riding it but I really should...boo." The dilemma is more that I rode for 24 min on Tuesday, and 25 min last night, and the seat has made my ass hurt really, really bad. I've been doing research this morning about different types of bike seats, wider seats, etc. and all I can really conclude is that it might be more of an adjustment issue. I guess the seat could just be too hard. Trying to find a better seat, or even info. about what the issue could be, is like finding a needle in a haystack. I found some interesting looking "lawn chair style seats" but a) they look like they would slouch onto the metal poles that hold them up and b) they cost half of what my bike did! I found a bunch of seat styles claiming they are wider, soft, gel, adjustable in width, the list goes on and on, but nothing really guarantees it will fix the issue. So, I guess even though I feel like riding tonight, I might have to take a night off, already. Sitting on it yesterday hurt tremendously bad, even with a pillow on the seat, until I adjusted to this magical spot, which then meant that my, um, nether regions and ass went numb.

I guess of all the things I could complain about, this has to be the best one!

Cutting Down Your Sugar Intake

Loving the Small Bites archive today!

• Cut down your sugar intake.  The average American adult consumes 22 teaspoons of sugar a day.  That’s approximately fourteen more teaspoons than what is recommended as a daily limit by the American Heart Association.  Start training your palate to get used to lower amounts of sugar by making small cutbacks today.  Usually add three packets of sugar to your morning coffee?  Try it with two.  Normally drink a 20-ounce bottle of soda with lunch?  Opt for a 12-ounce can.  Two weeks after implementing these changes, make a few more subtle cutbacks.
• Set up a fruit bowl at home. One of the easiest ways to make sure you’re eating the recommended two servings of fruit every day is to have it readily available.  Sticking an apple in the back of your refrigerator’s fruit-and-vegetable drawer serves no purpose.  Place the fruit bowl in whichever room of the house you spend the most time in, and fill it with fruits you like.  If the only fruits you like are Granny Smith apples and grapes, so be it.
• Stock up your desk drawers. Say farewell to the vending machine.  Next time you’re at the grocery store, stock up on healthful, work-friendly foods.  Some suggestions: nuts and seeds, 100% whole grain crackers, unsweetened dried fruit, 100-calorie bags of popcorn, and truly good-for-you bars like Lara, Clif Nectar, and Kashi Tasty Little Crunchies.

Give yourself two to three weeks to get used to these changes, and then see how you can gradually build your way up to better health.

Making Baked Goods Healthier

Another great post by Andy Bellati!

Highlights:

1. use whole wheat pastry or whole wheat white flour
2. make your own alternative flour, such as oat flour (grind quick cooking oats: 1.5 cups = 1 cup flour)
3. use unsweetened applesauce
4. add oat bran and ground flax (couple Tbls.)
5. consider using fruit as sweeteners (bananas, dates, etc)

Andy Bellati's Tips for Grocery Shopping - Twitter Style!

Source: http://smallbites.andybellatti.com/?p=6514
Before hitting the supermarket: Eat something.  Prepare yourself with list or tentative weekly menu.

Basic rule: Front of packaging = marketing (ignore!); back of packaging = actual nutrition information (read!).

Baking Aisle: Dried unsweetened shredded coconut = great snack/addition to homemade trail mix!

Beans/Legumes: Top-notch nutrition.  Canned? Go low-sodium (or rinse regular under cold running water for 30 secs; this also removes some gas-causing raffinose.

Bread 1: Sprouted grains offer higher amount of minerals.  Aim for > 3g fiber & <2 g sugar per slice.  Don’t get distracted by # of of grains/seeds.

Bread 2: 100% whole grain w/3 grams fiber offers more nutrition than white flour w/5 grams of fiber from isolated fibers (ie: inulin).

Canned soup: Bean-based best (more fiber & protein).  Aim for <700 milligrams sodium in whole can.

Cereal: Whole grain 1^st ingredient, <4 grams sugar, >4 grams fiber/serving. No “crunchlets” (artif. flavor + dyes + corn syrup + oil)!

Cheese: Organic whenever possible.  Strong flavors (i.e.: parmesan) best; small amounts yield lots of flavor.

Condiments: Prioritize spices (chock-full of flavonoids and antioxidants) over jarred spreads (ketchup, mayonnaise, etc.).

Dairy milk: Organic and grass-fed golden standard.  Organic but not grassfed is decent alternative.

Eggs: Here’s the awful truth: humane eggs not sold at supermarkets.  For that, get pasture-raised from local farmer or check out info at Animal Welfare Approved.

Frozen aisle: Plain veg, fruit, bean-based burgers (ie: Sunshine Burgers!) great standbys.

Grains: Quinoa & wild rice very easy to cook.  Try out!  PS: Add splash of canned coconut milk & lime juice to pot when cooking brown rice.

Non-dairy milks: Organic crucial for soymilk.  FYI: Plain varieties of most non-dairy milks contain 1.5 teaspoons sugar per serving; choose unsweetened.

Nut/seed butters: Should be one ingredient (ground nut/seed) or two (ground nut/seed + salt).  Everything else is unnecessary.

Nuts and seeds: all wonderful; hemp very high in protein, chia very high in fiber.  Different nuts/seeds = different healthful properties.  Mix & match!

Oatmeal: Go for plain and sweeten yourself with fruit (or just 1 tsp of sweetener of choice).  Top w/nuts or seeds for protein & fiber boost.

Oils: Flax, extra virgin olive, and hemp great for salads and raw dips.  Virgin olive, peanut, and coconut best for cooking.  Avoid corn/cottonseed/soy (too high in omega 6)

Produce 1: #1 priority: colorful variety.  Thin/no skin?  Choose organic if possible.  For best flavor/to support community, buy some local items!

Produce 2: Dark leafy greens a must!  Most offer vitamin K & calcium — a 1-2 super-boost for our bones.

Salmon: All Atlantic is farmed.  Most canned is wild.  Alaskan is only sustainable kind.

Shrimp: Domestic farmed a safer bet; those farmed in Thailand/India exposed to many pesticides, chemicals, and antibiotics.

Tuna: Chunk light lower in mercury than albacore, but if made from skipjack tuna, moderately high.  Canned in water best so omega 3s don’t get drained out.

Yogurt 1: Look for “Live & Active Cultures” seal.  Greek = more protein, less calcium. Plain best (but Siggi’s has flavors w/little added sugar).

Yogurt 2: If it comes in a tube and is brighter than lipstick, it’s “nogurt”.

239.2 - 114.2 pounds to go

Well, it definitely wasn't the greatest result, but at least I didn't gain! I was honestly expecting the scale to say I had gained. It was a horrible week for food, including eating fast food several times, a conference where I felt like I ate way more than I should have, and eating at several restaurants, which usually aren't much better than fast food when you think about it. So, a .3 loss is definitely welcomed!

We finally watched "Food, Inc." last night, which did exactly what I thought it would do: repulse me on many levels. I'm angry at big companies controlling everything just to make big profits, angry that animals are treated so horribly, and angry that consumers are shielded from knowing where and how their food was produced. This did the same as the other movie we watched a couple/few years ago (and I can't recall the name): made me realize we have to make smarter choices. I loved the ending of "Food, Inc" simply for pointing out that as consumers, we have the say-so! Not the big companies, but us! That's a pull I'd like to take advantage of more than I do!