179.4 - 54.4 pounds to go!

Finally! To see that scale dip below 180 was such a great feeling, and it happening this weekend was all the better. I celebrated one year on Sunday, even though I technically started this journey last July. But after some thought, I decided to go with the date I became truly serious. I had been trying to eat a little less and eat better, but it wasn't until mid-August that we joined the gym and I signed up with MyFitnessPal. So, yes it's off, but ignore that!

I met with the nutritionist on Friday and I guess it went okay. I had only lost 3 pounds since my last visit with her, which was 6 weeks prior as opposed to 4. That was a bit depressing, but I had gone into the weekend saying that all negative thoughts were going to be pushed aside. She also pointed out, again, that I was eating 1600 calories before and now I'm actually eating more than that and should ween myself back down. I tend to disagree on this point though. I think I was eating too little when I was starting out, so while it was great to have the pounds just dropping off, I'd rather go about this in a healthy manner. I've also been pretty good lately about hitting the gym at least 4-5 days per week, so I think 1850 calories is completely safe. And from the scale saying I dropped 2 pounds, I'm going to keep on the way I am for now! Aside from that, we changed up my meal plan a little bit. I'd recently been feeling really hungry in the late morning up until dinner and she decided maybe it was due to having too few carbs before/after a workout. I'd been trying to really up my protein and lower my carbs (I always go over 40%) but she said 85-90g of protein is just fine and that I should think about upping my carbs to 45% to help fuel my workouts. As always, I'm willing to try it! Being hungry so often is really annoying and if that helps, I'm all for it! Aside from that, we're trying to mix in more fruits and veggies - nothing too new there. I'm always really bad with veggies being as I hate most of them unless they are cooked. Her idea involves either a side salad with lunch or some leftover veggies from dinner. Why I had never thought of that, who knows. I'm also back to eating a full sandwich at lunch to see if that helps. I had recently started eating just the meat and cheese since I kept going over on carbs, but the last week or two, every time I would get to the gym before lunch, my stomach would start growling like I hadn't eaten all day and I would just feel like I couldn't give it my all. So, more carbs equals more bread and hopefully less stomach growling and fatigue!

I spent a good few hours on Sunday trying to find "before" pictures of myself that weren't half naked and completely embarrassing. The best I could come up with was one from October, after I had already lost 20 pounds. Looking back, I wish I had taken pictures not only in limited clothing to see all my rolls and jiggly spots, but in an outfit or two for comparison sake. But, I found the picture below and decided it would suffice. The shirt is an XL and it was pretty tight though the lighting poorly shows it. The pants are the dreaded Target pants that say they are a size 20, but I currently wear a loose 16 (omg, to say that!) and those 20's fit almost perfectly. But, what you can't see in the picture is that they were about three inches from buttoning. (I decided to keep that picture to myself for now!)

XL Shirt and size 20 (really like a 16) pant. 10/09/11 vs. 08/19/12

My favorite picture is this next one. I had calculated the number of inches I had lost in the last year and decided to get a picture of me showing the number of inches with a measuring tape. It also shows how lose the shirt and jeans are a little better since I'm not standing with my arms straight at my sides. It's so weird to remember those jeans being so stinkin' tight. My thighs barely fit and I was just praying for the day when I could zip them up, even if it meant laying down on the bed first!

Showing the number of inches lost - 40.25"

So, here are my tallies for the year. 

Weight lost: 59.2 pounds (238.6 down to 179.4)

Inches lost: 40.25 (almost as many inches as pounds!)

Measurements from 8/21/11 and 8/19/12:

Neck: 16" down to 13.5" - 2.5" lost

Bicep (R): 15" down to 13.25" - 1.75" lost

Bicep (L): 15" down to 13" (estimated starting measurement) - 2" lost

Chest: 49" down to 41.5" - 7.5" lost

Waist: 49" down to 41" - 8" lost

Hips: 50" down to 45" - 5" lost

Thigh (R): 26" down to 22.25" - 3.75" lost

Thigh (L): 26" down to 21" - (estimated starting measurement) - 5" lost

Calf (R): 17.25" down to 15" - 2.25" lost

Calf (L): 17.25" down to 14.75" (estimated starting measurement) - 2.5" lost 

I keep hearing the voice in my head saying that some of those measurements are probably off (just look at the new thigh measurements and the difference between the two). But I'm pushing them back because I know those were only a sampling. There's really no true way to know how many inches I've lost but just look at all the areas I wasn't measuring that are now slimmer: my chin, my fingers, my ankles, etc. So, 40.25" it is whether it likes it or not. Now to work on all the negativity! 

Oh, I almost forgot the best (well, maybe not) part! I got my hair hacked off on Saturday, so I was fussing around with it on Sunday morning, trying my best to make it look decent. As I turned my head this way and that, I noticed wrinkles on my chin. Not age wrinkles, but "I've lost weight" wrinkles, the ones caused by excess skin. The only way I could describe it is if you've ever played with balloon weights made from filling a balloon with sand. I pushed the current fat aside, the wrinkles went with it and stayed. I pushed the other way, and again, they went that way. I came out of the bathroom telling my husband about my new, weirdly scary but fascinating discovery, pushing my chin fat this way and that for him to see. It's my first taste of the loose skin issue and it's one I've been afraid of since the start. I've no doubt in my mind that it will be an issue after 10+ years of being obese. But, I'd rather be skinny and worry about loose skin than be miserable and obese again. Mark my words, self - you are never going back to 250 pounds again! 

180.2 - 55.2 pounds to go!

So, I'm having very mixed feelings about this week's weigh-in. On one hand, I am so ecstatic that the scale went down, especially by 3.4 pounds! But on the other hand, I feel like it won't last.

I saw my doctor on July 23 to get some blood work done. It had been a few months since my last profile, and even longer since my last cholesterol check. Of course, with all the stress and drama in my life lately, it wasn't all good news. I had been monitoring my BP since March when she agreed to take me off of it and the measures were never that great: not as high as they used to be, but still a bit high, particularly the top number. While I was there, I measure 140/87 and then 152/90. Years ago, that number was more around 155-160/110-15, so it has improved, just not as much as I was hoping. So the bad news is that she placed me on a diuretic (water pill) in hopes that it will help with the numbers a bit. This, in turn, equaled a big loss on the scale this week and now I'm left worrying that when I stop taking it, the pounds will go back on again.

The good news from the visit is pretty great though! My cholesterol came in at 202, just 2 points above "normal." It's not been that low, ever! My HDL increased, LDL decreased, and triglycerides decreased: all were considered in the "normal" range. At my previous visit, she had checked my glucose levels, even though I told her I had recently eaten, and then stated she wanted me to continue on Glucophage. This is always fun to explain to people taking a medical history as I am not diabetic, but have Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome which can cause insulin intolerance. The worst thing about this pill, for me anyway, is that it makes me really ill when I first start taking it, and I am horrible at remembering to take pills. Add to that the iron pills I was on, which really upset my stomach, and I was one miserable individual!

At this appointment, I got to tell her again, with shame in my voice, that I hadn't been taking either. She weighed me in, congratulated me on losing another 9 pounds since I saw her in March, and then informed me that depending on the results ,she may switch me to a timed-release glucose pill, a different type of iron pill, and since my vitamin D was also always low, a smaller dose of that. I felt so discouraged leaving there. I've worked so hard to lose those 65 pounds, hoping the whole way that I could get rid of my medicine cocktail, and I was leaving with the possibility of it having not changed. And then those results - I about did a happy dance! My numbers had gotten better in spots, but I truly think that eating out at restaurants, even though we were trying to make better decisions, restrained them from improving much.

So the great news is the improved blood profile! My iron is still low, but low normal. My vitamin D was normal due to all those wonderful walks outside! My cholesterol levels have improved to numbers I have never seen! But that cursed water pill. I sincerely need to learn to chill out and look into things like yoga and meditation. It seems unbelievable that I could quiet my brain, but it is definitely a goal!

We took new measurements and photos as well. I'm working on figuring out a way to overlay two photos so that I can see a true difference. Looking at two pictures side by side just doesn't show the inches I have lost very well I've noticed. I played around with one program and tried lining up my face but the differences were so huge that I started to doubt it's accuracy. Hopefully soon I figure out how to gauge if the two photos are truly the same scale.

Measurements from 8/18/11 and 7/31/12 - almost one year apart!
Neck: 16" / 13.75"
Bicep(R): 15" / 13.25"
Bicep(L): 15" / 13.5" (starting measurement is an estimate as it was not taken)
Chest: 49" / 42.5"
Waist: 49" / 42.5"
Hips: 50" / 45.25"
Thigh(R): 26" / 21.5"
Thigh(L): 26" / 22.25" (starting measurement is an estimate as it was not taken)
Calf(R): 17.25" / 15"
Calf(L): 17.25"/ 15.25" (starting measurement is an estimate as it was not taken)
Body Fat Percentage: 54% / 40.5%

That brings the total number of inches lost to 35.75, and a 13.5% decrease in body fat. None too shabby!

Current Weight: 180.2 pounds
Current BMI: 32.96
Pounds Lost: 64.8 pounds
BMI Lost: 10.68
Pounds to Meet Mini-Goal #3 (175): 5.2 pounds
Pounds until BMI is 'overweight' instead of 'very overweight' (176.5): 3.7 pounds

187.8 - 62.8 pounds to go!

I'm a bit shocked at this week's amount: I drank lots of water, I ate over some days in the beginning of the week, and under on days later in the week, I worked out hard on Friday. I'm just sort of at a loss as to why it wasn't a bigger amount. I was really kind of disappointed to meet with the nutritionist on Friday and report the same weight I had had the week prior (for weigh-in, not last meeting with her.) It still amounted to 4 pounds in 4 weeks, but we were aiming for the scale to move a bit more between meetings.

Our personal trainer really kicked my butt on Friday. He had me doing a few new things, and some harder versions of other things. From his comments and my soreness, we worked primarily on glutes and legs. I'm still sore today actually!

My meeting with the nutritionist went well, aside from the weight issue. I'm sure she doesn't want me to get discouraged, so she said 4 pounds was great. In my head though, I recalled her saying we wanted to started seeing more than 3. Yes, 4 is greater than 3, I am aware of that. But I figured we were aiming more for 6+. She chastised us for eating at restaurants so often (which we needed, again) and pointed out that could definitely be hindering things. We're going to try plotting out a weekly dinner menu with at least one dinner that can be eaten twice, and we're looking for more baked recipes. I informed her of my love for baking and explained that out of the two batches of cookies I made (32 total), I only ate 2, which I think is damn impressive! I also told her about a co-worker helping me try and get a side/hobby business going to feed my love of baking so that I don't have to eat what I make. I don't think she feels it's a very good idea as she told me I need a new hobby. I'm sure she's concerned about me gaining everything back. I have no intentions of giving up baking though - sorry! But, in the meantime, she's on a mission to help me find more dinners that are baked, so that I can enjoy helping with dinner and maybe calm the baking bug.

Yesterday at the gym we both received some really nice feedback. One of the trainers happened to be behind the counter when we were walking over to gather our stuff to leave. He did a double-take and said he hadn't realized it before but suddenly noticed I have lost a bit of weight. Then I headed into the bathroom to wash my face off and one of the staff members said the same thing. She was asking how we've been doing it and told us to keep it up as we both look great. Since she walked out with me, she caught up with the trainer who had previously commented and asked him if he had noticed. It's really nice to hear once in a while (not all the time cause then I get self-conscious!) since it's hard to see it ourselves. We took pictures on Sunday morning, before we had gone to the gym, and I explained how I feel like I need a magnifying glass to see any differences. I see some and I think the problem is that they are very slight. When you think about losing 60 pounds, it seems like there should be a huge difference because, well, imagine 60 pounds of hamburger! It's a lot! But on someone like me who had a lot to lose, and still need to lose about another 60, the differences aren't very big at first. It's kind of depressing that I got that huge and had that much to lose and can't enjoy the big differences yet, but I'm happy to be on this journey nonetheless.

This week going forward, at least until July when classes start up again for us, we're going to work on only going out once per week and following a dinner menu for the rest of the week. I'm also going to force myself to go to the gym more often. Ideally, I'd like to be going at least Monday, Wednesday and Friday to do some strength training and then head there or walk outside on the other nights. One year is coming up fast and I'm really not liking the potential one year total, so I need to step it up!

Here are the measurements for this week:
Neck: 14"
Bicep (R): 13.5"
Bicep (L): 13.75"
Chest: 43.25"
Waist: 44"
Hips: 45.75"
Thigh (R): 22.5"
Thigh (L): 21.75"
Calf (R): 15.75"
Calf (L): 15.25"

193.0 - 68.0 pounds to go

These are definitely the kind of weeks that make it or break it for people trying to lose weight. For the past two weeks, I've been diligently walking 2 miles at work. It takes me roughly 37 minutes and is quite hilly in some spots. Fridays are gym days now that we have a personal trainer again, and we've even been going on Saturdays as well. So why the half pound gains the past couple of weeks? I have not a clue.

My meeting with the nutritionist went well. I told her about being constantly hungry the last couple of weeks and she set me up eating more snacks throughout the day saying that it's a sign of a higher metabolism (which I remembered her saying, but shouldn't that mean a loss, not a gain?) I am all for eating more though because the last couple weeks have been awful! It eventually got to the point where my morning banana would not hold me through to lunch. Aside from that, I had only lost 3 pounds since my previous visit and she said she wants to see me lose more, to which I said "you and me BOTH!" I guess all I can do is hope that it's muscle building from my walks and personal training sessions, but I've not researched how quickly muscle builds to know if that's a plausible cause.

We did measurements and photos yesterday. Here are my starting measurements and yesterday's:
Neck: 16" / 14.25" ---- 1.75" lost
Bicep: 15" / 13.75" ---- 1.25" lost
Chest: 49" / 43.75" ---- 5.25" lost
Waist: 49" / 43.75" ---- 5.25" lost
Hips: 50" / 46.5" ---- 3.5" lost
Thigh: 26" / 22.5" ---- 3.5" lost
Calf: 17.25" / 16" ---- 1.25" lost

Total inches lost: 21.75

201.8 - 76.8 pounds to go

For the first time ever, I completely forgot to weigh myself yesterday morning! I think being on maintenance calories just kind of pushed it aside in my mind since I knew I really wasn't going to lose anything. So, being as I had already eaten breakfast by the time I remembered, I shaved a few ounces off the number it displayed to keep the number the same as last week. (This morning it read "201.2" so I don't feel bad now.) It was a bummer because I am so far off of where I wanted to be. MyFitnessPal just told me today that I've logged in for 170 days in a row, so I am 10 shy of 6 months. If I can lose three more pounds (unlikely), I'll be at 40 pounds lost in 6 months. Granted, I know that's good, but I was aiming for 50 so it feels like a let-down. I know, I know, 40 pounds is substantial, it could have been nothing (or a gain), I could have pushed myself harder, I plateaued, etc. etc. etc. but it's just that feeling of not meeting a goal. It will happen eventually, I am well aware of that, but it doesn't make it any less disappointing from a goal standpoint.

On another note, I've learned to not doubt what I think is happening to my body during this whole process. Last time I met with the nutritionist, she acted like I was overreacting to not have lost in a couple weeks and pointed out how I had been slacking off in my workouts. Her point during all of it was that the scale would eventually go down and that at our next meeting I would be under 200, so it wasn't worth worrying over. Over the weekend, I realized my next meeting with her, the "you'll be under 200" meeting, is next week, and guess  what? I don't think I'll be under 200. I'm okay with it, because there's nothing I can do about it, but it proved to me that both times now that I've mentioned an issue with the scale not moving, it's been downplayed like I'm just trying to hurry things along and I was correct! Something wasn't right! So, the takeaway here is listen to yourself! I knew what the scale had been doing, and I knew it wasn't time for it to start creeping downward. I'm just glad I decided to go on maintenance when I did vs. waiting a few more weeks to see what would happen!

I almost forgot! Saturday we did our measurements since we were busy the weekend before. Somehow, almost every single one of my measurements went up, which displeases me. I swear I need to get tattoos of dashed lines where my measurements should be taken. Here are the numbers from 01/01/12 and 02/04/12:


Neck: 14.25" / 14.75"
Bicep: 13.5" / 14"
Chest: 44.75" / 45.5"
Waist: 46.25" / 44.5"
Hips: 46.75" / 48"
Thigh: 23.25" / 23"
Calf: 16" / 16"

203.0 - 78 pounds to go!

200 is getting so much closer! It feels really weird to see those numbers on the scale. I still don't think my brain has quite caught up. It doesn't help that we don't have full length mirrors in the house. I've also come to realize this is around the weight I was in my senior year of high school, but my body was shaped differently. I don't think I had quite the flabby gut that I do now, so I don't feel any different than I did at 245.

Here are the measurements from 12/4/11 and 1/1/12, just to compare at one month rather than from the start:
Neck: 14.5" / 14.25"
Bicep: 14.25" / 13.5"
Chest: 46.5" / 44.75"
Waist: 46.25" / 46.25"
Hips: 47.75" / 46.75"
Thigh: 23.25" / 23.25"
Calf: 16.75" / 16"

That brings the total to 17.5" lost since August 21, and 4.5" since last month!

Oh! I also learned that since the week of Thanksgiving, I have lost 11.6 pounds! I've seen so many people comment that they either maintained or gained that I cannot even express how thankful I feel that the holidays are now past and I didn't gain a single pound! For as anxious and freaked out as I was, I showed myself that I really could enjoy the holidays and all the wonderful food, but within moderation without feeling deprived. Best thing is, I have goodies in the freezer to last me until at least spring!

212.4 - 87.4 pounds to go!

These last few weigh-ins have been really frustrating. The husband also gained about half a pound this week, so maybe it's increased muscle from the balance class we took early Friday? I really have no idea how long it takes for muscle to build. It's just odd that he and I gain and lose together (minus the ~1 pound gain I have everything month) which leads me to believe it's not overeating. We both eat different things for the most part, and we both vary everyday on whether or not we are over or under by a little bit. So the only reason I can come up with for weeks like this is sodium, muscle gain, or gremlins. Whatever it is though, I'd like it to go away! I had high hopes of hitting 200 on New Year's Day and I think after hovering around 212-213 for 3 weeks, it's pretty much not going to happen.

As I mentioned above, we did a sample balance class on Friday morning. We were the only two in the class, which may have been a good thing. It was a mix of things like squats and should-tap pushups with Bosu ball exercises. I'm still pretty sore even today in the upper chest and lower abs, but it's nothing compared to the last class we tried! I'm really hoping they schedule this class a little later than the sample (8 am!) so that we can take it every week! If the scale is going to be mean and not move, I at least want to tone up some more.

Yesterday was also measurements and photo day. I finally noticed some differences in my photos. One of the rolls on my back (god, that's awful to type) is smoothing out and my upper arms don't look like cottage cheese anymore. I also take a picture wearing a pair of size 20 jeans from Target and an XL shirt and I noticed the gap between the button and clasp is slowly getting smaller! I was able to get them on one day last week by laying down on the bed and they didn't feel too bad once I stood up, but I figured I would wait until I can properly button and zip them. Compared to a couple months ago, I've only got about an inch to go!

Here are the measurements from 8/21/11 and 12/4/11:
Neck: 16"  /  14.5"
Bicep: 15"  /  14.25"
Chest: 49"  /  46.5"
Waist: 49"  /  46.25"
Hips: 50"  /  47.75"
Thigh: 26"  /  23.25
Calf: 17.25"  /  16.75

That's a total of 13" since August 21 and 4" more than the last measurement tally!

Measurements and Photo Day

Yet again, I was disappointed by our pictures and measurements today. At just under 30 pounds lost, I still can't see a difference in the photos. I guess if I really squint, I can kind of tell my double chin is a little smaller, but otherwise the changes are too subtle to notice just yet. I'm thankful for all the people saying they can tell, including our hairdresser who hadn't seen us for 5 weeks. Which on that note, my crazy (literally) mother has been telling people that I am "unrecognizable." Part of me wonders if in her head I really am, or if she is trying to sabotage me. My hairdresser had just seen my mother 5 minutes before we got there and she had informed him "you won't even recognize her she's lost so much." As politely as he could, he said "I can tell you've lost weight, but unrecognizable? I knew who you were!" At the time, I just laughed it off as she's been telling others the same thing, including a friend of hers who said "according to your mom, you've lost like 50 pounds and then I saw you post to FB that you lost 20 pounds." Now I'm wondering why she would say such things. Am I supposed to be embarrassed I haven't lost that much? Is she really just trying to lie and brag to people to make herself look good (as the mother of someone who's lost so much, and probably the correct answer.)

Anyway, enough about that. Here are the measurements from 8/21/11, 9/16/11, 10/9/11 and 11/6/11:
Neck: 16" / 15" / 15.25" / 15.5"
Bicep: 15" / 15" / 15" / 14.5"
Chest: 49" / 48.5" / 47.5" / 46.5"
Waist: 49" / 48" / 48" / 47.5"
Hips: 50" / 50" / 50.5" / 49.5"
Thigh: 26" / 24.75" / 24.5" / 24"
Calf: 17.25" / 17" / 16.75" / 17.5"

In the bigger picture, I have to focus on the fact that I have lost 9" since 8/21/11 (as long as both thighs, biceps and calves have lost/gained the same inches.) Nine inches in 11 weeks isn't too shabby, right?

223.8 - 98.8 pounds to go!

Less than 100 pounds to go! WOOHOO!

Last week I was a bit worried. I started out the week craving so much food. We ate out a few times right off the bat simply because we were lazy (er, I was lazy, he was sick). Husband stayed home *all* week due to being sick, which I caught by Tues., which also meant no gym. Yup, zero trips! I remember on Sunday evening, as he was feeling cruddy from the cold just kicking in, we settled on pizza and a movie. I knew it was wrong, that it was a lot of calories, that I should only eat maybe 2 slices of pizza and 1 bread stick, but I just couldn't help myself. 3 pieces and 3 pieces of Crazy Bread later, I didn't regret my choices at all! If anything, I wanted more! >.< Come Tuesday, I ate the leftovers. I had a horrible doctor's appointment that was excruciatingly painful. So what did I do, I ran to food for comfort. /sigh

Add to that the trip to a Mexican restaurant where our fav. waiter changed to and who always gives us free dessert. We tried to eat relatively well. I chose fajitas again, which I never eat more than maybe a third of, and husband chose some steak thing. He had looked up the cals, added it to his journal, specified for the waiter which dish it was and he still got the wrong one (one that was WAY higher in cals). We're both too nice to have pointed out the mistake, esp. since the waiter is someone who we've requested for over 2 years now. But to drive the sword in even further, he brought us this huge brownie sundae. Omg, it was incredible! (It probably wasn't, but we don't eat dessert very often anymore, so it was!) Yeah, see what kind of a week we are talking about now?

We got better as the week went on. The colds let us, we ate at home, we kept checking the scale throughout the week to make sure things were okay. And while on one hand I keep thinking "don't you dare step on that scale other than weigh-in day!" I kind of think checking a couple/few times is good. It's good to know the difference between morning pre-food/dehydrated weight and end of the day post-food/hydrated weight. And it's good to catch things before they are out of hand. While I hope it doesn't happen, if I were gaining weight, I would want to catch it as early as possible to fix things.

We took pictures and measurements yesterday and decided to make them coincide. It'll be much easier looking back to say "I weighed X in that photo" if it's on the same day as a weigh-in rather than in-between. I was a bit disappointed that after combing over both photos and trying to spot differences, I saw none. I could tell the husband's double chin is getting smaller, but nothing for me. It might be too early, as he said, I was just hoping 20 pounds would show somewhere.

The new measurements didn't help much either. I think the hard part there is that it's hard to measure in the exact same place. I have freckles/moles I use as landmarks for certain ones, but not all. So while some measurements were down, others increased, which made no sense. I know, like he pointed out, that it could just be that he pulled the tape measure too tight last time, or it was in a different spot, but darn it, they better come down!

Current Weight: 223.8 pounds
Current BMI: 40.93
BMI Lost: 3.87
Pounds Lost: 21.2
Pounds to Meet Mini-Goal #2: 23.8
Pounds until BMI is 'obese' instead of 'morbidly obese' (218): 5.8 pounds

230.6 - Not Out of the 230's Yet

Yesterday's weigh-in was such a disappointment. I worked hard all week, I ate under 1550 calories ALL week, we were even good when we went to a family pot luck. People are telling me (and I know) it's probably just muscle, as evidenced by the decreased inches, but it's still a bummer. When you work that hard and stay that focused and disciplined, you hope to be rewarded with something you can see. Even though it was a disappointment, I'm sticking with it. So here's to a new week!

8/18/11 & 9/16/11 measurements:
neck: 16" / 15"
bicep: 15" / 15"
chest: 49" / 48.5"
waist: 49" / 48"
hips: 50" / 50"
thigh: 26" / 24.75"
calf: 17.25" / 17"

Gym Anxiety

So today I signed up at a local gym and holy hell am I anxious, still. I tried to tell myself going in that they could care less about what I look like, that I'm the one who cares. It was increasingly hard to do so as they asked more and more questions about motivation to be there, what I've done before this, etc. As much as it costs to sign up though, I am sticking to it!

I signed up for only a couple of sessions with a trainer, mainly to figure out what I need to do the most. That's the part that has me the most anxious, aside from knowing I can't do a whole lot. To start, they make you meet with a head trainer who goes over some info, takes measurements and does a couple tests. One was on a treadmill. He had me walk for 5 min at 2.5 mph at a 5% incline. That little bit was so tiring and made the outside of my legs hurt so bad. I felt so pathetic being winded that fast. I understand a trainer has to be in really good shape and all, but it definitely made me feel like a huge loser.

So, measurements for future reference, which also reinforce why I feel like a big blob:
neck: 16"
bicep: 15"
chest: 49"
waist: 49"
hips: 50"
thigh: 26"
calf: 17.25"