200.4 - 75.4 pounds to go!

Apparently I needed a break: a long one that spanned 4-5 months and included whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted it.

The bad news? I went from my low weight in August of 179 back up to 205-ish. Yeah, that is a very harsh pill to swallow. Of course it wasn't worth it, I would change things if I could, blah blah blah.

The good news? I'm back on the horse again and I think the break was genuinely needed. Last year was rough for me. I stopped talking to my parents on two different occasions for several months at a time, we had several major home purchases crop up, and we had a roommate move in. Add to that the focus I was putting on myself to eat right and exercise and get the scale to move, only to see it move 15 pounds in 8 months, and you have a disaster on your hands! Of course, we all go through life's ups and downs. In my opinion, that's what makes life worth it! But, in the moment, it almost defeated me.

Our ex-roommate is a wonderful person, and I thoroughly enjoyed having him around and teaching him some of the things I was going on this journey. But, I let him become an excuse for how I made decisions. I cannot be trusted around food. Bottom line. If you suggest buying cookies at the store, I'm 99.9% likely to give in to your request. Start eating said cookies, and I am 99.9% likely to join you. Eat big portions of food, again, likely to join you. Things quickly spiraled out of control and while we weren't completely back to eating fast food and drinking pop, we were headed there fast!

The best news is that I am back. I had my fun, but I've had enough. My size 16 jeans that were a perfect fit are now a little snug. New bras that fit perfectly now require an extender. Shirts feel like they cling in places they didn't before. It is all a harsh reality that I not only gained back 25 pounds, but I gained back 25 pounds of pure fat. But, it's temporary!

Part of me was scared to try this all again. For 8 months I did as I normally was to lose just 15 pounds. Sure, now I think 15 pounds would be great! But all of that effort equating to that small of an amount, this early in the game, killed a little part of me. And now I have this little voice in my head telling me, "Why bother? It's just going to happen again, ya know!" Every day is a constant struggle to control that voice.

So, here goes a fresh start. I've been back to eating healthier foods and following the meal plan my nutritionist laid out for me. I cleaned out our pantry and tried to make the healthier snacks more accessible. And I'm just generally feeling more excited about feeling better. The scale not moving was rough, but I should have focused on the bigger picture. It's always important to celebrate the little things.