186.6 - 61.6 pounds to go (and a reset!)

I am officially sick of this plateau. Beyond even. I try to talk myself into focusing on the positives, but most days I just feel defeated. When you're counting calories and adding in more and more exercise and still not seeing the scale move, it wears on you. And over the weekend, it got to me. I threw my hands in the air and decided to message someone on MyFitnessPal whom I consider a knowledgeable resource. I was combing over the last 8 weeks in my head, wondering what I could be doing wrong and my conclusion was: nothing. I'm eating out less often, I'm exercising more, I'm pushing myself, I'm still logging everything that goes into my mouth, and yet the measurements and scale aren't moving. Something has to be wrong.

So, off to him I went, messaging him in the middle of the night, venting to him my frustrations. I explained my confusion at yet another plateau, at the increase in hunger which drove me to up my calories by 200 per day, and the need to "do more" given by the nutritionist. I gave him background information, like how I ate 1600-1650 calories per day since the start and only recently increased them, and that the first plateau landed in January, didn't end until mid-February, and yet here I am again. And in typical fashion, I walked away with a wealth of new information to consider, such as how lots of cardio while cutting can actually hinder weight loss.

Essentially, his hypothesis, which stems from this article is that my body is under too much stress. You create stress on the body when you cut calories. Now add even more stress by exercising, and adding more and more exercise because the scale isn't moving, and we have a bad formula. Too much stress can lead to chronic levels of cortisol, which can lead to decreased hormone levels like ghrelin and leptin, decreased metabolic rate, and water retention. When reading over the information, it makes sense. Do I know how accurate it is? Absolutely not. However, from what I have researched, it seems like a plausible explanation. There were times during the winter that I would barely exercise and yet the scale moved. Messed up levels of ghrelin and leptin can wreak havoc with appetite and I was recently going through that phase where I couldn't eat enough. I can't blame the nutritionist for telling me to stop being lazy and get the scale moving faster, but it might very well be too much. On the outside, it makes sense that cutting calories and exercising more would mean bigger weight losses. But on the inside, it also seems logical that my body could be freaking out and wondering what is going on! 

So, for the next 2 weeks, I'll be following Dan's advice, because quite frankly, at this point, I can't afford not to. Eight weeks of not seeing any progress is truly weighing on me and I don't want to risk sneaking food or giving up completely. His advice is as follows:

• Eat at TDEE for 2 weeks, which equals a glorious 2400 calories per day.  I used the Fat2Fit calculator, entered my current weight as my goal weight, and used the moderately active number. Dan suggested lightly active, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. I'd rather gain a pound than potentially not reset things.
• 90% clean food - no more than 5-6 ingredients listed, no chemicals, minimal processing, etc. (which I already do)
• Avoid soy (pretty sure I already do this too)
• Start a strong lifts program or a similar heavy lifting program (3 days of heavy lifting)
• Walk on rest days, but no running, HIIT, power walking, or other intense cardio! Allow diet to be the primary means of losing!
• Watch macros
• Protein should be at least 1g per pound of lean body mass, so at least 86g per day per this calculator
• Fat can shift from .3-.7g per pound of lean mass, so 26g-60g per day
• On workout days, eat less fat and more carbs, such as fruits, bread, pasta, starch (because carbs are fuel!)
• On rest days, eat more fats and less carbs. Greens are good choices as they have less carbs.
• Subtract dietary fiber from carbs to get true carb number

Appreciating the Scenery

Today I decided to stop being so hard on myself. Yes, it stinks that the scale is not moving as fast as it was before the New Year. Sure, it's frustrating to be at least 20 pounds heavier than I had aimed for at the moment. It's disappointing that I still can't wear all the clothes that my ultra generous co-worker gave me back toward the beginning of the year. It's not fair, it sucks, and it makes me want to stomp my feet and "throw a wobbly" as I saw someone call it. But, that's life. It's still a journey no matter how long it takes.

I still meet little goals along the way, learn new things about myself, and change and grow in many ways. Plus, my brain is having a really hard time catching up with things, and the slower I lose, the more I notice the little things. Just the other day I was sitting somewhere and looked at my thighs and thought "wow, they really look quite a bit smaller!" Today I decided to stop being so bummed about all of the things that haven't gone my way, and focus on some of the accomplishments I have made:

• 59 pounds lost - almost 24% of my highest weight
• 52 pounds, or 21.75%, since beginning this journey on August 18, 2011
• Under 200 pounds, and not only under 200, but under 190
• Taken off blood pressure meds
• 33" lost 
• Went from a size 24/26 pant to a size 16
• Down from a size 24/26 or 3X top to an 18/20 or XL
• It's summer and I'm wearing sandals that last year hurt because my feet were swelling so bad; this year they feel too big
• My wedding ring has a ring sizer on it and a lot of times it still feels too big
• I started at the gym huffing and puffing doing 2.5 mph at a 5% incline; now I can go 3.5 mph and double the incline
• I could barely walk the short way around the campus I work at, now I'm constantly looking for ways to add more distance
• I jogged half a mile, which wasn't much, but I still did it and proved to myself that I could
• Husband and I walked .3 miles to a restaurant for dinner and I had to have him go get the car and come pick me up; now I can walk over 3 miles and not bat an eye
• I can do planks, and side planks, and boat pose, and lots of other things I thought were "too hard"
• I can feel bones I've not felt in a long time, if ever: collar bones, upper shins, hips
• I've gained muscle, or at least defined them; seeing my biceps makes me proud
• I went without pop for about 9.5 months, drank some, and hated it
• Haven't had "fast food" (aka McDonald's, Taco Bell, Wendy's, etc.) since January; it wasn't my choice and I ate half of a very plain salad

Ultimately, no one but me will care how long it took to get to my final destination. And in the end, even I won't care. It just matters that I get there - and I so will!

185.8 - 60.8 pounds to go!

Less than a pound to go until the half way mark. That is such a huge relief!

Last time I checked in I said I would up my calories if the scale didn't move, and thank goodness it did. I didn't end up working out a ton more like the nutritionist wanted. I'm a bit apprehensive about that, to be honest. There are so many different viewpoints on things that it's hard to know who the believe. I've read in many places that losing weight is primarily about the food you eat and getting enough sleep, and exercise comes last. Then there's the whole "calories in vs calories out" argument, which is true to a point. So I've struggled with choosing what to do. Yes, I want the scale to move faster, who doesn't? But I also know slower is better, and if I am working out 2 hours a night now, what's to come later?

I had a hard time sticking with my meal plan this last week. I took Wed and Thurs off so that the husband and I could celebrate our anniversary. Really what this means is I didn't eat meals and snacks like I should have and do on workdays. Not sure why I have struggled with this from the start. Days I work, I want snacks! Days I have off, I eat just "meals" and that's about it. Though, I guess to be fair, there are days like our last training session where I am hungry, and want to eat snacks, but errands get in the way.

This week I am going to try to motivate myself to hit the gym on my lunch hour. My walking buddy is down for a little bit and it's getting hotter outside, so I figured I'd change things up a bit by doing my walking HIIT routine and burning about double what I do walking outside. And maybe next week I'll hit the halfway mark....

187.0 - 62.0 pounds to go

Ah, plateaus: depressing, frustrating, demotivating. It's rough watching the scale stay within the same couple pounds week after week. It's tough knowing I wanted to see the scale lower than it is by this date. It's difficult to figure out what caused it, why it's happening, and what to do. It nags, making me wonder why I'm bothering, what the point is, and who cares. It eats at me every time I step on the scale, log the weight for the week, and watch the one year date rapidly approach. And in spite of all that, it is worth it. It's tough, but it's temporary. I've come so far, there's no way I'd give up now.

I had the husband take my measurements before meeting with the nutritionist. Most of them stayed the same, a couple supposedly increased, a few decreased by a quarter of an inch. Considering they are subject to human error, since it's not like I have tattoos of where to measure, I wasn't really counting it as a victory.

The nutritionist seemed to think I'm just not doing enough anymore. Walking 40-50 minutes everyday isn't enough, nor is strength training once a week (this one I agree with.) So while it could be a plateau (which I thought she didn't believe in after the last one), she just wants me doing more. And I am willing to try, but I also feel like I have no life as a result. But, that's the price I have to pay for overindulging for so long.

Aside from exercising more, the nutritionist wants me to work on only eating 400-500 calories at dinner. This is going to be rough. Dinner is traditionally the biggest meal and to cut it way back just feels odd. And 400 calories at dinner is not a lot. I meticulously log all of my food, I create recipes when we cook from scratch, we try to cut out a lot of things, but sometimes it doesn't help. So I am trying, but I may need to gradually step down. One tip she gave me, that I loved (but shamefully haven't tried yet) was to take 1/3 less. As a typical American, if it's on my plate. By taking less, I may noticed I'm satisfied and save some calories, and if I'm not full, I can go back for the remaining 1/3 and feel like I am getting seconds. We'll see how that goes - I am hopeful.

Last night I couldn't bring myself to go to the gym. I had come home from work, started on dinner, ate, and then watched TV while letting it digest some (working out while full is BAD!) and decided I didn't want to come home and go to bed. Instead, I made myself proud and did a strength workout at home! I've done plenty of body weight exercises that I have no excuse to not do them at home: planks, side planks, calf raises, etc. And while I didn't take as long as I do at the gym, where I'm going from spot to spot and/or putting things away, I still managed to get a decent burn. I'm not sore today though, which might mean I need to make things harder on myself.

So, here's hoping for a better weigh-in this weekend. If the number doesn't move again, I'll up my calories to maintenance. The nutritionist stated the obvious in that I need less calories now that I weigh less, however, I don't think I am eating at maintenance. If 1800 calories a day is maintenance (1500 net after exercise), I greatly do not look forward to the future. Instead, I think I was eating pretty close to BMR (after exercise) for a while and my body is wondering what's going on. The first plateau was 5 months in, this one was at 4-4.5 months in. I just wish I had started steadily losing as much as I was before the first plateau. My body seemed to start the year off by saying, "ok, fun's over...we're not losing that much every week anymore. Deal with it!" I guess I just have to fight back.

186.8 - 61.8 pounds to go

I'm late in posting for last week, but my weight was the same last week and this week, so I'll roll it all into one post.

Apparently what I thought was a trend of plateauing on the scale for a couple weeks and then losing decently for 2-3 weeks was a myth. And these are the times when losing weight is the hardest. It's not hard to stay motivated and keep doing what I know is the right choice in the long-run, but it mentally breaks you to see the scale not moving. Even when you think you are prepared for it, and maybe even okay with it, you aren't.

I upped my calories from 1625 to 1800 last week. My line of thinking is that for the amount of activity I was doing (40 min walks M-Th, training on Friday), I was probably eating too little. The new calorie amount also lines up with the nutritionist's revised meal plan, so I don't feel like it will set me back.

Until I do measurements next week, I won't truly know if this is a plateau or not. However, if it was, then hopefully I broke it with all the days I was over on calories this week. It was husband's birthday last week, so we went to our fav place: a Japanese steakhouse. And against my better judgement, I ate it all, again. Then we splurged on popcorn, pop, and candy at the theater. (FYI: after not having pop in nine months, I can honestly say I do not miss it one little bit!) As if one day of being over wasn't enough, we also had a barbecue over the weekend to celebrate his birthday with family and friends. I did manage to eat in moderation, however, the cake and ice cream I made were too-die-for and clocked in at about 1,000 calories combined. And, uh, we ate the leftovers of everything Sunday and Monday as well. Don't judge me!

This coming Friday I meet with the nutritionist and sadly, if my weight stays the same throughout the week, I'll be reporting a 1 pound loss since I saw her a month ago. I'm thinking of doing measurements a couple days early to see if they have changed before I meet with her, but I'm still on the fence about it. In the event they are the same, it would probably be a good thing to know so that she can lift my spirits and give me some ideas.

187.6 - 62.6 pounds to go

The scale, she is fickle.

I think I did really well this week. We only went out to restaurants twice this week (yes, that's more than once, I know!) We went to the gym a few times, I walked at lunch like usual. So it may just be the change in routine I guess. I hope. If not, the nutritionist will have some brainstorming to do. I'd certainly hope I'm not plateauing again after only losing 15 pounds.

Another staff member at the gym noticed the difference in our appearance after we checked-in. While I was waiting, he was asking me how things have been going and how many inches I've lost. That struck me: he asked about inches and not weight. The number on the scale is huge for most people yet it can be so deceiving, which is why it's so important to take measurements as well as use the scale.

So, here's to another week. I have our meal plan all made out, which takes the stress out of frantically trying to figure out dinner in 30 minutes. And we'll see if the scale keeps with the latest trend. If so, the next two weeks should be 1.5-2.5 pounds losses.

187.8 - 62.8 pounds to go!

I'm a bit shocked at this week's amount: I drank lots of water, I ate over some days in the beginning of the week, and under on days later in the week, I worked out hard on Friday. I'm just sort of at a loss as to why it wasn't a bigger amount. I was really kind of disappointed to meet with the nutritionist on Friday and report the same weight I had had the week prior (for weigh-in, not last meeting with her.) It still amounted to 4 pounds in 4 weeks, but we were aiming for the scale to move a bit more between meetings.

Our personal trainer really kicked my butt on Friday. He had me doing a few new things, and some harder versions of other things. From his comments and my soreness, we worked primarily on glutes and legs. I'm still sore today actually!

My meeting with the nutritionist went well, aside from the weight issue. I'm sure she doesn't want me to get discouraged, so she said 4 pounds was great. In my head though, I recalled her saying we wanted to started seeing more than 3. Yes, 4 is greater than 3, I am aware of that. But I figured we were aiming more for 6+. She chastised us for eating at restaurants so often (which we needed, again) and pointed out that could definitely be hindering things. We're going to try plotting out a weekly dinner menu with at least one dinner that can be eaten twice, and we're looking for more baked recipes. I informed her of my love for baking and explained that out of the two batches of cookies I made (32 total), I only ate 2, which I think is damn impressive! I also told her about a co-worker helping me try and get a side/hobby business going to feed my love of baking so that I don't have to eat what I make. I don't think she feels it's a very good idea as she told me I need a new hobby. I'm sure she's concerned about me gaining everything back. I have no intentions of giving up baking though - sorry! But, in the meantime, she's on a mission to help me find more dinners that are baked, so that I can enjoy helping with dinner and maybe calm the baking bug.

Yesterday at the gym we both received some really nice feedback. One of the trainers happened to be behind the counter when we were walking over to gather our stuff to leave. He did a double-take and said he hadn't realized it before but suddenly noticed I have lost a bit of weight. Then I headed into the bathroom to wash my face off and one of the staff members said the same thing. She was asking how we've been doing it and told us to keep it up as we both look great. Since she walked out with me, she caught up with the trainer who had previously commented and asked him if he had noticed. It's really nice to hear once in a while (not all the time cause then I get self-conscious!) since it's hard to see it ourselves. We took pictures on Sunday morning, before we had gone to the gym, and I explained how I feel like I need a magnifying glass to see any differences. I see some and I think the problem is that they are very slight. When you think about losing 60 pounds, it seems like there should be a huge difference because, well, imagine 60 pounds of hamburger! It's a lot! But on someone like me who had a lot to lose, and still need to lose about another 60, the differences aren't very big at first. It's kind of depressing that I got that huge and had that much to lose and can't enjoy the big differences yet, but I'm happy to be on this journey nonetheless.

This week going forward, at least until July when classes start up again for us, we're going to work on only going out once per week and following a dinner menu for the rest of the week. I'm also going to force myself to go to the gym more often. Ideally, I'd like to be going at least Monday, Wednesday and Friday to do some strength training and then head there or walk outside on the other nights. One year is coming up fast and I'm really not liking the potential one year total, so I need to step it up!

Here are the measurements for this week:
Neck: 14"
Bicep (R): 13.5"
Bicep (L): 13.75"
Chest: 43.25"
Waist: 44"
Hips: 45.75"
Thigh (R): 22.5"
Thigh (L): 21.75"
Calf (R): 15.75"
Calf (L): 15.25"