I've officially hit the 50 pound mark, and I still cannot much of a difference when I look at progress pics/myself in the mirror. Sure, I wear smaller clothing, I can feel my hip bones when I lay down (which I always find myself feeling as though I have a growth, lol), the scale says a smaller number and people say they see a big difference, but to me, it's just not a big difference. Not a 50 pound difference. Not a you-lost-a-small-child difference. And definitely not a you've-lost-20%-of-your-starting-weight difference. I know, I probably come across as whiny and needy. I'm trying not to, believe me. Fifty pounds is a lot! I've tried to lift it at the gym and I struggle. That's two big buckets of kitty litter (I struggle carrying one!) I just don't "feel it." I have more energy, I am stronger than I thought, I can do more than I gave myself credit for, I can walk/bike faster, I can jog!!! But I guess my struggle is that I still look down and see this big ole flabby gut hanging down and it doesn't feel like it's gone down at all. It has obviously, because I can fit into smaller pants, but it seems to be taking it's sweet time.
I'll stop whining now and mention some highlights from the last couple weeks. Last week, I decided to hit up Fashion Bug because they had a great deal on dress pants (never mind that the fit I get means upping 2 pant sizes, grrr, why make them that way?!) While looking around, a woman decided to strike up a conversation with me about her whole life story. During that though, she held up a shirt asking my opinion and said "this is a 3X though, it won't fit you. What are you, like a 1X?" OMG! I almost wanted to hug her, aside from that fact that I would come across crazier than her. I wish I could tell like so many others can!
Thursday, March 15, I jogged! Like really, really jogged! Thanks to my nutritionist, I got up the nerve to just try it. Granted I didn't take her advice in picturing a paper blowing away from me, or something chasing me, but I figured outside of the gym would be the least anxiety provoking. It wasn't far by any means, nor fast, but I hadn't jogged sine probably 1996. I was still anxious, and kept checking over my shoulder before I started, but the feeling of accomplishment soon took over. And today I jogged a little bit further! Maybe soon I'll be up to half a mile!
Tomorrow I go to the doctor's to see what my BP is like off of meds. I haven't taken them in quite a while, so I figured I need to see what it's like without rather than assuming it's okay, and maybe get a lower dosage (I hope!) Plus, it will be my first visit since 2002 where the scale will read under 200! That's the most exciting part! The assistant normally puts it at 150 first and then slides the top part over, and I always wanted to tell her "who are you kidding? I'm well over 200!" But now I won't have to! YAY!
And here's this update that I hadn't done in quite a long time!
Current Weight: 194.8 pounds
Current BMI: 35.63
Pounds Lost: 50.2
BMI Lost: 8.01
Pounds to Meet Mini-Goal #3 (175): 19.8
Pounds until BMI is 'very overweight' instead of 'severely obese' (191.2): 3.6 pounds
Monday, March 19, 2012
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
196.2 - 71.2 pounds to go!
Ah, sodium, how I loathe thee. I feel like I will never get a grasp on eating less than 2,000 mg of sodium per day. Of course, I was blessed with being kind of sensitive to excess sodium, so anything over about 2,000 mg equals water retention. The husband, yeah, not so much. He saw a gain this week as well but that's because we caved and ate at our super fantastical favorite restaurant (a Japanese steakhouse) which threw us over by quite a bit. Even days we cook at home I tend to get really close to the daily recommended value of 2,500 mg. Guess I'll have something new to research.
My meeting with the nutritionist went pretty well. I'm obviously a bit flustered that I've only lost about 5 pounds since I saw her four weeks ago, but she's always right there to reassure me that I'm exactly where I need to be and it was a loss nonetheless. She also reminded me that just because we are super duper busy with classes, homework, exams, house stuff, life in general, and cannot get to the gym, we can always *walk outside!* Thankfully we're not the only ones who get tunnel-vision and think "gym or nothing" when it comes to exercising. As she pointed out, we started eating better and we joined a gym, at the same time, so we naturally equate the two. Just seems a bit silly that I would forget in my opinion. I literally had just looked at my stationary bike the day before and thought to myself, "Duh! Ride the bike when you can, dummy!" We also chatted about my inability to accept how much I have lost thus far. To me, 50 pounds just doesn't feel like a lot. For someone who only have a little bit to lose, sure! But I still have 70+ pounds to go, another 50 at the very least. I still don't see much of a difference. In fact, while we were away for the weekend, I wore a new pair of pajama bottoms and was admiring that they fit. And what did I end up saying? "Huh, I look skinnier...there's clearly something wrong with this mirror." lol
So, the weekend went pretty dismally as far as food goes. We were in Traverse City for our niece's 2nd birthday, which meant eating out for almost every meal, eating birthday cake, trying to behave but still going over. I think it balanced out with being under the day we came back home, but again, the sodium. /shakes fist vigorously!
This week I'm going to try and work on my sodium intake. I really wish food manufacturers would realize how bad it is and cut back. I'm also going to go for walks at work, at the very least, since the weather is supposed to be in the 60's all week! Yay for a *very* mild winter and the onset of spring!
Oh, and measurements/pictures are a couple weeks late thanks to our busy schedule. Hopefully that just means more of a difference!
My meeting with the nutritionist went pretty well. I'm obviously a bit flustered that I've only lost about 5 pounds since I saw her four weeks ago, but she's always right there to reassure me that I'm exactly where I need to be and it was a loss nonetheless. She also reminded me that just because we are super duper busy with classes, homework, exams, house stuff, life in general, and cannot get to the gym, we can always *walk outside!* Thankfully we're not the only ones who get tunnel-vision and think "gym or nothing" when it comes to exercising. As she pointed out, we started eating better and we joined a gym, at the same time, so we naturally equate the two. Just seems a bit silly that I would forget in my opinion. I literally had just looked at my stationary bike the day before and thought to myself, "Duh! Ride the bike when you can, dummy!" We also chatted about my inability to accept how much I have lost thus far. To me, 50 pounds just doesn't feel like a lot. For someone who only have a little bit to lose, sure! But I still have 70+ pounds to go, another 50 at the very least. I still don't see much of a difference. In fact, while we were away for the weekend, I wore a new pair of pajama bottoms and was admiring that they fit. And what did I end up saying? "Huh, I look skinnier...there's clearly something wrong with this mirror." lol
So, the weekend went pretty dismally as far as food goes. We were in Traverse City for our niece's 2nd birthday, which meant eating out for almost every meal, eating birthday cake, trying to behave but still going over. I think it balanced out with being under the day we came back home, but again, the sodium. /shakes fist vigorously!
This week I'm going to try and work on my sodium intake. I really wish food manufacturers would realize how bad it is and cut back. I'm also going to go for walks at work, at the very least, since the weather is supposed to be in the 60's all week! Yay for a *very* mild winter and the onset of spring!
Oh, and measurements/pictures are a couple weeks late thanks to our busy schedule. Hopefully that just means more of a difference!
Monday, March 5, 2012
195.6 - 70.6 pounds to go
Yup, the scale didn't budge this week. Purely water weight I am sure, so no big deal. Hopefully soon I'll get back to losing ~2 pounds per week. January really set me back and is messing with my head. I keep feeling like I haven't lost much since the holidays - probably about 15 pounds. My parents hadn't seen me since then and stopped by over the weekend and both commented about how much I've lost since then. Maybe it's just me. Fifteen is better than nothing, but still messes with me and makes me feel like I'm crawling along.
We've been completely redoing our bedroom this past week and one of the items on the list is a mirror. It was actually kind of nice shopping for one and seeing myself. I kind of feel like I never get to aside from at work where I can see myself waist up in the bathroom. I still don't know that I see 50 pounds of difference, but I see a little one.
Our other major renovation to the bedroom is the closet. We ended up buying one big dresser and two smaller ones for the closets because I am tired of running out of room. When we put things back to normal though, I plan on going through clothes and tossing aside the things that no longer fit. Last night, right before bedtime, I suddenly panicked and realized that all of my work clothes were either dirty or stuffed in a basket somewhere in the sea of bedroom belongings that are temporarily strewn all over our loft. My solution was to see if my old pants still fit in the slightest. I kind of figured a belt might help and make it doable. No go, not at all. Which I seem to recall trying before, hence the progress pic of the old pants on bottom with new on top. Instead I quickly dug out my work clothes and started laundry, noting that we have to purge some of our old clothes. It will be a sad, sad day for sure. I have a lot of cute t-shirts than I absolutely do not want to get rid of that are getting too big. Why can't they be taken in on the sides?!
We've been completely redoing our bedroom this past week and one of the items on the list is a mirror. It was actually kind of nice shopping for one and seeing myself. I kind of feel like I never get to aside from at work where I can see myself waist up in the bathroom. I still don't know that I see 50 pounds of difference, but I see a little one.
Our other major renovation to the bedroom is the closet. We ended up buying one big dresser and two smaller ones for the closets because I am tired of running out of room. When we put things back to normal though, I plan on going through clothes and tossing aside the things that no longer fit. Last night, right before bedtime, I suddenly panicked and realized that all of my work clothes were either dirty or stuffed in a basket somewhere in the sea of bedroom belongings that are temporarily strewn all over our loft. My solution was to see if my old pants still fit in the slightest. I kind of figured a belt might help and make it doable. No go, not at all. Which I seem to recall trying before, hence the progress pic of the old pants on bottom with new on top. Instead I quickly dug out my work clothes and started laundry, noting that we have to purge some of our old clothes. It will be a sad, sad day for sure. I have a lot of cute t-shirts than I absolutely do not want to get rid of that are getting too big. Why can't they be taken in on the sides?!
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
195.6 - 70.6 pounds to go!
I have no idea how I managed to lose 3.4 pounds this week, but you won't hear me complaining. There were days I was over, there were days I was under, like all weekend while we watched our 8 week old niece. We didn't get to the gym at all during the week and even had to postpone our personal training session due to babysitting, so it really makes no sense in my head. But, I'll take what I can get after that plateau!
We bought a mirror this weekend at Ikea (mad <3 for Ikea!) so now we'll be able to see ourselves full length. Looking at myself in the mirrors while picking one out I think I noticed that I look a little bit smaller, but not much. I still see the big gut hanging, my slightly smaller shirt clinging to it because it protrudes. Years of wearing pants as they got smaller has made my stomach essentially look like it was cut in the middle. It's not quite muffin-top as it gets bigger below the waistline as well. And it's taking it's sweet time getting smaller, which is really aggravating. I really wish it would at least firm up so that I can stop worrying that I'm just going to have a bunch of loose skin hanging.
This week I'm going to focus on not being so freaked out if I go over on calories on some days. Losing 3.4 pounds in a week is great in terms of numbers, but realistically I know it's too much. So while on one hand I'm thinking "Who cares?! Let the numbers fall fast, that means we'll be in smaller clothing even sooner!" but I also know that slower is better. So while I'm not going to eat more than my daily amount, I'm not going to flip out and feel like the next day I should punish myself if I do.
We bought a mirror this weekend at Ikea (mad <3 for Ikea!) so now we'll be able to see ourselves full length. Looking at myself in the mirrors while picking one out I think I noticed that I look a little bit smaller, but not much. I still see the big gut hanging, my slightly smaller shirt clinging to it because it protrudes. Years of wearing pants as they got smaller has made my stomach essentially look like it was cut in the middle. It's not quite muffin-top as it gets bigger below the waistline as well. And it's taking it's sweet time getting smaller, which is really aggravating. I really wish it would at least firm up so that I can stop worrying that I'm just going to have a bunch of loose skin hanging.
This week I'm going to focus on not being so freaked out if I go over on calories on some days. Losing 3.4 pounds in a week is great in terms of numbers, but realistically I know it's too much. So while on one hand I'm thinking "Who cares?! Let the numbers fall fast, that means we'll be in smaller clothing even sooner!" but I also know that slower is better. So while I'm not going to eat more than my daily amount, I'm not going to flip out and feel like the next day I should punish myself if I do.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
199.0 - 74 pounds to go!
Not sure if I had mentioned this previously, but our trainer is leaving the gym we go to (and not by choice.) So part of me is pretty excited since lately she moves our appointments at the last minute, and part of me worries we won't get someone else who will do half hour sessions. The big positive at the moment is that the guy who taught the balance class we sampled will most likely be our new trainer, and he will definitely kick our butts!
Classes have been keeping us from the gym lately, which is really frustrating. I had planned on going Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday, but lately we need Mondays and Wednesdays to study or work on projects. We end up going on Friday a) because we have our training session and b) it's habit at this point, and then we slack off and don't go on Saturday because we're too sore and tired. This last weekend we spent a lot of time cleaning though, which I hope helped burn a few calories. We'd been so busy the last 2 months that housework had been neglected. I got tons done and made sure to move all the furniture and really deep clean. There's still so much left to do though. I'm really hoping the motivation to do more will stick for a long while so I can organize things as well!
Now on to the weigh-in! I'm quite happy I lost .8 pounds, considering I was supposed to come off maintenance calories beginning Sunday and instead pushed it back. We went out on Sunday to give our sweet baby niece back and they chose to meet at a Japanese steakhouse (our downfall!) So I purposely left my calories alone, knowing it would end up around 2,000 anyway. But I ate close to that amount all the way up through Wednesday too. So, considering I only had 3 days at a decent deficit and one day at the gym (plus one day of power cleaning), I'm okay with only losing about a pound. I am anxiously awaiting lower numbers though since I can't recall when I would have seen them last! I started HS at a size 16, but anything lower than that was obviously before that, so it's a bit exciting. Exciting and scary! I catch myself looking in the mirror lately, trying to imagine what I will look like as I keep losing. It's foreign to me, that skinny version. What will my face look like? I've never known it to not be fat. Will it always look fat? I guess only time will tell.
Classes have been keeping us from the gym lately, which is really frustrating. I had planned on going Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday, but lately we need Mondays and Wednesdays to study or work on projects. We end up going on Friday a) because we have our training session and b) it's habit at this point, and then we slack off and don't go on Saturday because we're too sore and tired. This last weekend we spent a lot of time cleaning though, which I hope helped burn a few calories. We'd been so busy the last 2 months that housework had been neglected. I got tons done and made sure to move all the furniture and really deep clean. There's still so much left to do though. I'm really hoping the motivation to do more will stick for a long while so I can organize things as well!
Now on to the weigh-in! I'm quite happy I lost .8 pounds, considering I was supposed to come off maintenance calories beginning Sunday and instead pushed it back. We went out on Sunday to give our sweet baby niece back and they chose to meet at a Japanese steakhouse (our downfall!) So I purposely left my calories alone, knowing it would end up around 2,000 anyway. But I ate close to that amount all the way up through Wednesday too. So, considering I only had 3 days at a decent deficit and one day at the gym (plus one day of power cleaning), I'm okay with only losing about a pound. I am anxiously awaiting lower numbers though since I can't recall when I would have seen them last! I started HS at a size 16, but anything lower than that was obviously before that, so it's a bit exciting. Exciting and scary! I catch myself looking in the mirror lately, trying to imagine what I will look like as I keep losing. It's foreign to me, that skinny version. What will my face look like? I've never known it to not be fat. Will it always look fat? I guess only time will tell.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
199.8 - 74.8 pounds to go!
This happened...FINALLY!
I could not be more thankful that this plateau is over. I will miss the extra 400 daily calories, but not as much as I miss seeing the scale show me lower numbers every week!
The week was pretty uneventful. I saw the nutritionist on Friday, the day that picture was taken. It was the first time I had ever seen that number and was completely taken aback. At our meeting, I explained to her that I had increased my calories to 2,000 per day to break the plateau, and I swear she looked at me like I started talking a foreign language. I pointed out that I started out January at 203, and then I ended it at 202, so clearly something was wrong. In my opinion, after 45 pounds lost, it was due. From the look she gave me, she doesn't believe in plateaus.
So aside from the look of crazy, we discussed working on smaller dinner portions. I usually had 600 or so left for dinner, and get kind of panicked at anything less than that, but she apparently wants me to eat around 400. I'm not making any promises, but it's worth a shot I guess.
Monday, February 6, 2012
201.8 - 76.8 pounds to go
For the first time ever, I completely forgot to weigh myself yesterday morning! I think being on maintenance calories just kind of pushed it aside in my mind since I knew I really wasn't going to lose anything. So, being as I had already eaten breakfast by the time I remembered, I shaved a few ounces off the number it displayed to keep the number the same as last week. (This morning it read "201.2" so I don't feel bad now.) It was a bummer because I am so far off of where I wanted to be. MyFitnessPal just told me today that I've logged in for 170 days in a row, so I am 10 shy of 6 months. If I can lose three more pounds (unlikely), I'll be at 40 pounds lost in 6 months. Granted, I know that's good, but I was aiming for 50 so it feels like a let-down. I know, I know, 40 pounds is substantial, it could have been nothing (or a gain), I could have pushed myself harder, I plateaued, etc. etc. etc. but it's just that feeling of not meeting a goal. It will happen eventually, I am well aware of that, but it doesn't make it any less disappointing from a goal standpoint.
On another note, I've learned to not doubt what I think is happening to my body during this whole process. Last time I met with the nutritionist, she acted like I was overreacting to not have lost in a couple weeks and pointed out how I had been slacking off in my workouts. Her point during all of it was that the scale would eventually go down and that at our next meeting I would be under 200, so it wasn't worth worrying over. Over the weekend, I realized my next meeting with her, the "you'll be under 200" meeting, is next week, and guess what? I don't think I'll be under 200. I'm okay with it, because there's nothing I can do about it, but it proved to me that both times now that I've mentioned an issue with the scale not moving, it's been downplayed like I'm just trying to hurry things along and I was correct! Something wasn't right! So, the takeaway here is listen to yourself! I knew what the scale had been doing, and I knew it wasn't time for it to start creeping downward. I'm just glad I decided to go on maintenance when I did vs. waiting a few more weeks to see what would happen!
I almost forgot! Saturday we did our measurements since we were busy the weekend before. Somehow, almost every single one of my measurements went up, which displeases me. I swear I need to get tattoos of dashed lines where my measurements should be taken. Here are the numbers from 01/01/12 and 02/04/12:
Neck: 14.25" / 14.75"
Bicep: 13.5" / 14"
Chest: 44.75" / 45.5"
Waist: 46.25" / 44.5"
Hips: 46.75" / 48"
Thigh: 23.25" / 23"
Calf: 16" / 16"
On another note, I've learned to not doubt what I think is happening to my body during this whole process. Last time I met with the nutritionist, she acted like I was overreacting to not have lost in a couple weeks and pointed out how I had been slacking off in my workouts. Her point during all of it was that the scale would eventually go down and that at our next meeting I would be under 200, so it wasn't worth worrying over. Over the weekend, I realized my next meeting with her, the "you'll be under 200" meeting, is next week, and guess what? I don't think I'll be under 200. I'm okay with it, because there's nothing I can do about it, but it proved to me that both times now that I've mentioned an issue with the scale not moving, it's been downplayed like I'm just trying to hurry things along and I was correct! Something wasn't right! So, the takeaway here is listen to yourself! I knew what the scale had been doing, and I knew it wasn't time for it to start creeping downward. I'm just glad I decided to go on maintenance when I did vs. waiting a few more weeks to see what would happen!
I almost forgot! Saturday we did our measurements since we were busy the weekend before. Somehow, almost every single one of my measurements went up, which displeases me. I swear I need to get tattoos of dashed lines where my measurements should be taken. Here are the numbers from 01/01/12 and 02/04/12:
Neck: 14.25" / 14.75"
Bicep: 13.5" / 14"
Chest: 44.75" / 45.5"
Waist: 46.25" / 44.5"
Hips: 46.75" / 48"
Thigh: 23.25" / 23"
Calf: 16" / 16"
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