I've officially hit the 50 pound mark, and I still cannot much of a difference when I look at progress pics/myself in the mirror. Sure, I wear smaller clothing, I can feel my hip bones when I lay down (which I always find myself feeling as though I have a growth, lol), the scale says a smaller number and people say they see a big difference, but to me, it's just not a big difference. Not a 50 pound difference. Not a you-lost-a-small-child difference. And definitely not a you've-lost-20%-of-your-starting-weight difference. I know, I probably come across as whiny and needy. I'm trying not to, believe me. Fifty pounds is a lot! I've tried to lift it at the gym and I struggle. That's two big buckets of kitty litter (I struggle carrying one!) I just don't "feel it." I have more energy, I am stronger than I thought, I can do more than I gave myself credit for, I can walk/bike faster, I can jog!!! But I guess my struggle is that I still look down and see this big ole flabby gut hanging down and it doesn't feel like it's gone down at all. It has obviously, because I can fit into smaller pants, but it seems to be taking it's sweet time.
I'll stop whining now and mention some highlights from the last couple weeks. Last week, I decided to hit up Fashion Bug because they had a great deal on dress pants (never mind that the fit I get means upping 2 pant sizes, grrr, why make them that way?!) While looking around, a woman decided to strike up a conversation with me about her whole life story. During that though, she held up a shirt asking my opinion and said "this is a 3X though, it won't fit you. What are you, like a 1X?" OMG! I almost wanted to hug her, aside from that fact that I would come across crazier than her. I wish I could tell like so many others can!
Thursday, March 15, I jogged! Like really, really jogged! Thanks to my nutritionist, I got up the nerve to just try it. Granted I didn't take her advice in picturing a paper blowing away from me, or something chasing me, but I figured outside of the gym would be the least anxiety provoking. It wasn't far by any means, nor fast, but I hadn't jogged sine probably 1996. I was still anxious, and kept checking over my shoulder before I started, but the feeling of accomplishment soon took over. And today I jogged a little bit further! Maybe soon I'll be up to half a mile!
Tomorrow I go to the doctor's to see what my BP is like off of meds. I haven't taken them in quite a while, so I figured I need to see what it's like without rather than assuming it's okay, and maybe get a lower dosage (I hope!) Plus, it will be my first visit since 2002 where the scale will read under 200! That's the most exciting part! The assistant normally puts it at 150 first and then slides the top part over, and I always wanted to tell her "who are you kidding? I'm well over 200!" But now I won't have to! YAY!
And here's this update that I hadn't done in quite a long time!
Current Weight: 194.8 pounds
Current BMI: 35.63
Pounds Lost: 50.2
BMI Lost: 8.01
Pounds to Meet Mini-Goal #3 (175): 19.8
Pounds until BMI is 'very overweight' instead of 'severely obese' (191.2): 3.6 pounds
You're doin' good, Dawn. From what I have read, the fact that you don't see yourself yet the way others do is pretty typical. I think it will come in time. You're doing a heckuva lot better than I am!
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