185.2 - 60.2 pounds to go!

I'm starting to hear that little voice in my head telling me I won't ever weigh less than 185. I've been bouncing around the same 2-3 pounds for the last three months now and I'm really hoping this cut will push my body back into losing again. If not, I honestly have no idea where to go next. I'm just going to hold onto the fact that last week I was technically eating at maintenance due to not working out, and I've fixed that this week. So damn it fat cells, start shrinking!

Last week was a rough week. I made the decision to estrange myself from my parents, my job has been making me really angry, I feel like I have no idea what I want to do in terms of a new career, and I just felt so lost. I'm now feeling a bit better about my decision, but I still feel lost. But, before this becomes less weight loss related, let's move on!

I had an emotional training session on Friday. No sooner did my trainer ask me for details about how things had been going and I started sobbing. The poor guy was probably so taken back and I could tell he wasn't sure what exactly to do. I ended up confessing that I hadn't worked out all week and we both agreed that I should channel my anger into a great workout. I pushed myself harder than I had in a long time, and I ended up feeling it for 4 days. Weighted squats, alternating lunges, and jump squats left my legs so sore that I ended up having to walk down the stairs backwards, with my arms on the stairs in front of me. I basically did the same for going up the stairs, not backwards of course, but it probably didn't look as silly. It definitely made it hard to do anything other than sit and remain motionless. But I did end up walking on Saturday and Tuesday. I can't say it made them feel any better, but at least they didn't feel any worse.

Going in to Friday's session, I was prepared to tell him I was not going to be able to purchase any more sessions with him. They are definitely not cheap, and while I wasn't sure if I could get up the nerve to follow the nutritionist's advice and take classes instead, I figured financially it was the best choice. However, after our session he said he had something to discuss with me. Before I even had a chance, he told me that he wanted to give me 4 free sessions if I bought the same package as I did last time because he really enjoys our sessions and he looks forward to them because of how hard I push myself. I've struggled with this, wondering if he was just blowing smoke up my ass, but to voluntarily give up 4 sessions worth of paid time has to mean something. I think I'm just to used to being taken advantage of and rarely being on the receiving end of the generosity of others. Needless to say, I couldn't refuse his kindness. In return, he made me promise to work hard, and I plan to use that promise as motivation to get my butt in gear.