186.8 - 61.8 pounds to go

I'm keeping the number the same as last week, even though it was down 1.4 pounds on Friday. I don't want to keep "cheating" by logging weights from other days, just in case it was a fluke.

My training session Friday was incredibly hard. He had me doing new things that were so challenging that I sincerely felt like it was my first day working out. I had already been thinking about my knees lately. Even though I've lost weight, they seem to crack and snap a lot more and it kind of concerns me. And then what does the trainer have me doing? Jumping up onto a bench. I was absolutely petrified every time I had to do it. All I could picture was missing the bench and landing on my face, or catching the edge of the bench with my shoe. Instead, I landed on my face when I was doing the stability ball jackknives. If you've never seen one, feel lucky!

Basically, you get into push up position with your legs on a stability ball. Then you roll the ball inward, bringing your knees into your chest. Getting up onto the ball is a workout alone, and I tried several different ways, all of them being "the hard way." I got up there the first time just fine, he second time I kept falling off. And these hurt like mad. Of course there were girls at the gym doing these at the same time, making it look effortless and beautiful. Not mine! And when I went to get off, I think I took both legs off at the same time and ended up rolling forward and falling on my face. I kept making fun of myself for it, and told my trainer it was a good thing I didn't have him taking pictures this time around. His response made it that much worse: "you looked like a crime scene victim!" I guess a little humility is good though, or something. I left that workout feeling incredibly weak and fat.

At my meeting with the nutritionist, we decided to go back to basics. I explained that the scale still wasn't reflecting a loss, the sudden 8 pound gain has stuck around, and I just can't take it anymore. I need structure, and a plan. So, I'm eating toast with PB for breakfast with some almond milk, a banana at AM snack, half a sandwich and some fruit for lunch, a fruit (and yogurt if needed) for PM snack, and a small dinner of 3-4 oz. protein, a small starch, and veggies.

Being as I am worried about being hungry all the time, she wants me to drink tea before every meal. Way back, my doctor had said she didn't want me drinking too much tea, but never gave a reason. So, we're going with maybe she was worried about the caffeine until I can ask her, and until then, I am enjoying it! She also thinks that I might be experiencing a lot more hunger on the days I work because I am associating sitting at my desk with eating and watching the clock to see when I can eat next. It makes sense, and it might definitely attribute, so I'm willing to shake things up a bit.

I mentioned my fear for my knees, explaining how they don't hurt per se, but I notice that they make more noise when I pivot or whatnot, so she suggested drinking 2 tablespoons of tart cherry juice concentrate in the morning and afternoon with some water. I had this warm the other day and I am in love! It's not cheap, which has me a little concerned, but if it helps, I am all allotting the money for it! She also suggested that I wear knee braces when doing cardio, and if I try to keep up with jogging, to find a grassy/dirt path. I'm not sure how feasible that is but I'll have to keep my eyes open. At the very least, I'm hoping the braces will help keep things compressed and comforted.

Let's hope for a good weigh-in this coming week, and a better strength session where I don't feel so weak!

186.8 - 61.8 pounds to go

Baby steps I guess. I'll take small losses over any sort of gain, any day.

I've been trying to work on being more positive, which is super hard. I'm trying to be more dedicated to exercising. I'm trying to make better food choices. All of it is so hard when you realize a lot of the hard work and effort isn't paying off. I mean it is - I don't want to go back to 250 pounds, or feeling so lazy and tired all the time, or breathing heavy after a flight of stairs, or barely being able to do a crunch, or any other number of things I could ramble off. I'm thankful that I've stuck things out this far. I'm just a bit disappointed that the one year mark came and went, and I wasn't where I wanted to be, so my mind seems to keep trying to derail me. All I can do is scream "There is no giving up!" I have said that from the very beginning and I am keeping my word. There is no going back.

I decided to follow the advice of my trainer and kick my cardio up a notch by jogging in spurts while walking. He may very well be right in that I'm not working myself hard enough. I feel like I'm going as fast as I comfortably can, but 60 pounds ago that was a lot more work than it is right now. So, I jogged. The first night, I jogged for a minute just a few times. I tried out the "Zombies, RUN!" app while out on a walk with the roommate and I think I need to look into a bit more. The storyline is okay - it's creative at the very least. But I only recall it making us run about 3 times.

The second night, I decided to jog every 5 minutes and I ended up pushing myself to go for 2 minutes. Two whole minutes with three minutes of rest in between! I was super proud of myself, even though I felt bad that I was slowing the roommate down. I was thankful he was so supportive and helped spur me on. I'm a little afraid of hurting my knees though, so I need to figure that out.

187.2 - 62.2 pounds to go

I've not been so good at getting my water in, or eating the right foods, or exercising. So, if I'm not changing things, "how did the scale go down" one might ask - and I have no idea. I'm frustrated, and angry, and confused, and just generally tired of not seeing any changes. More water, less water, more food, less food, more workouts, less workouts - it really doesn't seem to matter much. Just as soon as I think I see a change, the scale goes up the next week. So, I'm happy that it went down, but I'm not holding my breath. I just need to figure this all out and get out of this ditch.

189.6 - 64.6 pounds to go

And back up we go....

I've been trying to work on being more positive. When I go for walks with our roommate, he voices similar negative feelings about things in his life, and the social worker hat goes on. I tell him how normal some of those thoughts and feelings are, and we discuss steps to changing things in his life to make those feelings of inadequacy go away. I tell him to start recognizing those thoughts and immediately countering them with positive thoughts. And then I laugh: not at him, but at myself. These are the very same things I used to tell some of my therapy clients, the same things the nutritionist told me, and the same things I have told myself time and time again. It comes so easily to tell someone else to stop being so hard on themselves, to look at the bright side, to make mini goals to achieve an end result and to stop looking at the forest instead of the trees. Yet it's so hard to enact in my own life.

186.6 - 61.6 pounds to go

The scale is just not cooperating with me, and it's really starting to weigh on me (ha! see what I did there!) I met with the nutritionist and came clean about my lack of good decisions lately, but even with the slip-ups here and there, neither of us can explain why the scale suddenly jumped up 9 pounds a few weeks back, or why it's not going back down.

Emotionally, things have been really rough for me the last few months. After deciding that my relationship with my mother was nothing short of toxic and making the decision to estrange myself from my parents, I've been on a huge emotional roller coaster. I've had days where I'm fine and things seem clear to me, and then I have days where I seemingly cry for no apparent reason. It's one of the toughest decisions I've ever had to make and it's constantly bubbling beneath the surface.

During my meeting, the nutritionist and I discussed what could be causing the scale to not reflect my efforts. Sure, I've not been diligent about getting in my 12 glasses of water per day. Yes, there have been days (more than I'd like to admit) where I was over my calorie goal. Of course there are also days where the food choices I've made were not so stellar (birthday week wherein I had cake every night for 6 nights!) And unfortunately there have been days where I've neglected going to the gym or getting out for a walk. But for the scale to suddenly bounce up 8-9 pounds is unexplained. My belief that it was only water weight from a weekend of bad food has since waned after watching the scale stay up for weeks.

And then she asked about my thoughts and attitude toward myself. Let the waterworks begin! As I sat there blabbering on about my mother and how I am allegedly a "horrible daughter," I saw myself get smaller and smaller. Contrary to how I would describe myself, mentally I am horribly negative and tough on myself. And while there is no explanation as to why the scale is being so unkind lately, one thing was very clear: I have to learn to be positive.

My homework for the next few weeks is rough, but absolutely necessary. First, I need to identify my keys for success. One of the examples we wrote down was that I'm able to get my 12 glasses of water in when I'm mindful of the time and set time limits (e.g. 3 glasses by noon.) The second thing I need to do is to negate all of the negative thoughts I have by immediately countering them with a positive. So instead of repeatedly telling myself, "You only managed to lose 59 pounds in a year," I need to tell myself "But I lost 59 pounds! And over 40 inches!" Lastly, she suggested I focus more on picturing what I want the scale to read, rather than on what it says. Every night and every morning I step on the scale. This is hugely not recommended. I, personally, like seeing the difference between the two numbers and I know the reasoning behind those numbers enough to not freak out. Could I stop? Absolutely. That's not where my problem lies. My issue is that the numbers are not going down. Since the beginning of the year, I've lost roughly 15-20 pounds, which is barely even trying in my opinion. And lately, those numbers are bothering me. There's no explainable reason and it's starting to negatively impact how I view this journey. So instead of focusing on "the scale said X this morning," she wants me to envision stepping on the scale and seeing a smaller number and being excited about it.

So, do I think a mental overhaul will help the numbers come down? I'm not sure. The mind is a powerful thing, I won't deny that. While I don't think it's the only reason the scale isn't moving, I'm up to trying whatever I can in an effort to get back on track. Plus, I could use a little less negativity in my life!

189.4 - 64.4 pounds to go

Ugh! I just cannot seem to get back on track lately. It seems like everyday includes either eating too much, or making bad food choices, or both. It also didn't help matters that last week was birthday week. Since my birthday was on Tuesday this year, we decided to invite people over on Saturday. But we couldn't just do nothing on the actual day! So we took the roomie to a local coney place we had never been to, then decided on a Japanese Steakhouse for dinner - not tons of sodium hiding there! No sir! And since I am a huge slacker when it comes to my birthday (denial maybe?), I didn't bake a cake. And since that isn't acceptable at all, we headed to a local grocery store bakery to pick one up. Since the roomie decided we should get a 13x9 cake rather than a really small cake, you know, because he would eat it all, I happily obliged. Stupid me! That really just meant that all three of us had cake every single night up until the weekend when I made a cake for the party. So, not only did we eat bad on my birthday, and a couple days after that, but we also had cake for dessert every night from Tuesday through Sunday, as well as some of the cookies I made for said party, plus all the traditional store-bought barbecue food because with all the baking I did (3 types of cookies, a 3-layer cake, and ice cream), I didn't have time or energy to care about making things like potato salad - though I did make baked beans!

So, the scale being up, *again,* should really come as no surprise, it's just a little defeating. I see the nutritionist this weekend and I am really ashamed just thinking about going and telling her how awful things have been. I also have a training session that morning and being as I haven't been since August 24th, I'm really not looking forward to the butt-kicking and soreness that will inevitably occur. Okay, I lie, I kind of am, but talk to me about it Saturday and I may sing a different tune!

188.6 - 63.6 pounds to go

This backward slide has got to end. I figured that the issue was excess water weight from all the sodium in our not-so-great food choices lately, and maybe it still is, but I thought that the scale would reflect that by now.

Our camping trip was far from what I had expected. Since we hadn't been camping in probably 8-10 years, we ended up renting a little cabin in a state park. I had no idea you could do such things! When we got there, I initially thought the place was kind of cute. It was a small cabin with just a main room with the beds and long table with a mini fridge and microwave on top, and a decent sized bathroom. We unpacked, ran to the corner party store for some firewood and ice cream sundaes, and decided since the fire would take a couple hours to build and put us eating dinner at around 10:00pm, we'd head into town and grab dinner. What a joke! The bar we ended up going to was the only place we saw that was open (that wasn't a pizza joint) and was packed with people watching football, snacking, and drinking beer. I had assumed since it was so busy, it had to be a good sign. Instead, we left aggravated and wishing we had walked out. My food was barely room temp, our fries were cold, the waitress came by only to take our order and give us our food. I think we were there over an hour, easily. If it hadn't been for the fear of someone catching us walking out on our tab, we would have done so, especially when two different waitresses told us to have a good night (before giving us our tab) and asked if we had been given our tab.

Once we got back to the cabin, I started noticing all the little things I didn't like: the vinyl-coated hard-as-a-rock mattresses, the dirt/sand-coated floor, the lack of any sort of cellphone signal. Our bed sheet didn't fold under the corners, which meant that every time we moved, the sheets came off, leaving the vinyl exposed. Earlier in the week, I had pulled a muscle in my lower back, and the mattress did a wonderful job making it worse. Now add in there that my husband forgot his CPAP mask, meaning he would be snoring in addition to me being paranoid about the sheet coming off and my back being angry.

We ended up leaving the campground a day early. In fact, we really only stayed there from about 8:00pm Friday until 3:00pm Saturday, just enough time to unpack things and then re-pack them. No hiking (too many darn mosquitoes), no beach, just a fire to make grilled cheese sandwiches while we tried to decide when to leave. At least it was the best grilled cheese sandwich I've ever had! And I learned that I am apparently not nearly as outdoorsy as I wanted to be. I hate bugs, I hate germs (the vinyl mattress cover), I like clean floors I can walk around on barefoot, I like having WiFi or at least a signal so I can do things. I never felt more prissy in my entire life.

187.4 - 62.4 pounds to go!

What a shamefully bad weekend of pigging out! There is really no shock to this weigh-in being so horrible. But I'm clinging to the fact that it has to all be water weight. My sodium was out of control and while I might have gained a pound, no way I gained 8.

We picked up our new roommate on Thursday, which meant grabbing lunch while there. I actually did pretty well with that: a chicken sandwich with avocado and lettuce, no sauce (they forgot) and fruit instead of chips. Then we stopped by a couple stores that sell exclusively cherry-themed goods. So yummy!

For dinner, we decided to treat the roommate to one of our favorite places because who wants leftover goulash their first night? So we took him to one of our favorite pizza places instead! And then came Friday night, after a long trip to Ikea, where we of course had lunch! So dinner was a great burger place that we hadn't been to in a few months.

Saturday was disastrous in terms of food. My oldest niece had her graduation party, so again, lots of bad food. I went into in with the mindset that I wasn't going to eat much, that we'd eat sensibly before and afterward. Not so much! I had made cake and Oreo cheesecake cupcakes, plus there was a cake from a bakery. Saying the fat girl emerged would be an understatement!

After we left the party, we both agreed we were really hungry. Even after all the food we had eaten, we just didn't feel full. Maybe it was because most of it was processed junk, maybe it was in our heads, who knows. So we picked up dinner from a favorite chicken place local to our area so the roommate could experience his third local area favorite.

This week, after all of that awful food and increase in calories, it has been really hard to get back into the groove. I've not been drinking enough water. I've gone over on calories a couple times. I've not been to the gym thanks to busy-as-heck schedules during the day and a lack of motivation after dinner.

This next weigh-in will actually be a day late as we are going camping, and while I intend to thoroughly enjoy myself, it will not be anything like last weekend! I felt fine up until around Sunday, when it felt like my stomach was going to war with all the horrible food choices I had made. So while I don't always feel like we eat the best we can, we've definitely come leaps and bounds!

179.4 - 54.4 pounds to go!

Finally! To see that scale dip below 180 was such a great feeling, and it happening this weekend was all the better. I celebrated one year on Sunday, even though I technically started this journey last July. But after some thought, I decided to go with the date I became truly serious. I had been trying to eat a little less and eat better, but it wasn't until mid-August that we joined the gym and I signed up with MyFitnessPal. So, yes it's off, but ignore that!

I met with the nutritionist on Friday and I guess it went okay. I had only lost 3 pounds since my last visit with her, which was 6 weeks prior as opposed to 4. That was a bit depressing, but I had gone into the weekend saying that all negative thoughts were going to be pushed aside. She also pointed out, again, that I was eating 1600 calories before and now I'm actually eating more than that and should ween myself back down. I tend to disagree on this point though. I think I was eating too little when I was starting out, so while it was great to have the pounds just dropping off, I'd rather go about this in a healthy manner. I've also been pretty good lately about hitting the gym at least 4-5 days per week, so I think 1850 calories is completely safe. And from the scale saying I dropped 2 pounds, I'm going to keep on the way I am for now! Aside from that, we changed up my meal plan a little bit. I'd recently been feeling really hungry in the late morning up until dinner and she decided maybe it was due to having too few carbs before/after a workout. I'd been trying to really up my protein and lower my carbs (I always go over 40%) but she said 85-90g of protein is just fine and that I should think about upping my carbs to 45% to help fuel my workouts. As always, I'm willing to try it! Being hungry so often is really annoying and if that helps, I'm all for it! Aside from that, we're trying to mix in more fruits and veggies - nothing too new there. I'm always really bad with veggies being as I hate most of them unless they are cooked. Her idea involves either a side salad with lunch or some leftover veggies from dinner. Why I had never thought of that, who knows. I'm also back to eating a full sandwich at lunch to see if that helps. I had recently started eating just the meat and cheese since I kept going over on carbs, but the last week or two, every time I would get to the gym before lunch, my stomach would start growling like I hadn't eaten all day and I would just feel like I couldn't give it my all. So, more carbs equals more bread and hopefully less stomach growling and fatigue!

I spent a good few hours on Sunday trying to find "before" pictures of myself that weren't half naked and completely embarrassing. The best I could come up with was one from October, after I had already lost 20 pounds. Looking back, I wish I had taken pictures not only in limited clothing to see all my rolls and jiggly spots, but in an outfit or two for comparison sake. But, I found the picture below and decided it would suffice. The shirt is an XL and it was pretty tight though the lighting poorly shows it. The pants are the dreaded Target pants that say they are a size 20, but I currently wear a loose 16 (omg, to say that!) and those 20's fit almost perfectly. But, what you can't see in the picture is that they were about three inches from buttoning. (I decided to keep that picture to myself for now!)

XL Shirt and size 20 (really like a 16) pant. 10/09/11 vs. 08/19/12

My favorite picture is this next one. I had calculated the number of inches I had lost in the last year and decided to get a picture of me showing the number of inches with a measuring tape. It also shows how lose the shirt and jeans are a little better since I'm not standing with my arms straight at my sides. It's so weird to remember those jeans being so stinkin' tight. My thighs barely fit and I was just praying for the day when I could zip them up, even if it meant laying down on the bed first!

Showing the number of inches lost - 40.25"

So, here are my tallies for the year. 

Weight lost: 59.2 pounds (238.6 down to 179.4)

Inches lost: 40.25 (almost as many inches as pounds!)

Measurements from 8/21/11 and 8/19/12:

Neck: 16" down to 13.5" - 2.5" lost

Bicep (R): 15" down to 13.25" - 1.75" lost

Bicep (L): 15" down to 13" (estimated starting measurement) - 2" lost

Chest: 49" down to 41.5" - 7.5" lost

Waist: 49" down to 41" - 8" lost

Hips: 50" down to 45" - 5" lost

Thigh (R): 26" down to 22.25" - 3.75" lost

Thigh (L): 26" down to 21" - (estimated starting measurement) - 5" lost

Calf (R): 17.25" down to 15" - 2.25" lost

Calf (L): 17.25" down to 14.75" (estimated starting measurement) - 2.5" lost 

I keep hearing the voice in my head saying that some of those measurements are probably off (just look at the new thigh measurements and the difference between the two). But I'm pushing them back because I know those were only a sampling. There's really no true way to know how many inches I've lost but just look at all the areas I wasn't measuring that are now slimmer: my chin, my fingers, my ankles, etc. So, 40.25" it is whether it likes it or not. Now to work on all the negativity! 

Oh, I almost forgot the best (well, maybe not) part! I got my hair hacked off on Saturday, so I was fussing around with it on Sunday morning, trying my best to make it look decent. As I turned my head this way and that, I noticed wrinkles on my chin. Not age wrinkles, but "I've lost weight" wrinkles, the ones caused by excess skin. The only way I could describe it is if you've ever played with balloon weights made from filling a balloon with sand. I pushed the current fat aside, the wrinkles went with it and stayed. I pushed the other way, and again, they went that way. I came out of the bathroom telling my husband about my new, weirdly scary but fascinating discovery, pushing my chin fat this way and that for him to see. It's my first taste of the loose skin issue and it's one I've been afraid of since the start. I've no doubt in my mind that it will be an issue after 10+ years of being obese. But, I'd rather be skinny and worry about loose skin than be miserable and obese again. Mark my words, self - you are never going back to 250 pounds again! 

181.6 - 56.6 pounds to go!

I was delightfully surprised by the scale this week. My water intake wasn't so great and the scale pretty much stuck at 183-184 all week. Saturday I was feeling pretty deflated: the scale was sticking again, one year is rapidly approaching, clothes felt like they were tighter than normal. And while it's never a feeling of giving up, it definitely leaves me wondering what else I can do differently. I'm definitely proud of how far I have come, I won't argue that, but I am a huge bit disappointed when I see that I've lost just barely more than 20 pounds since January 1st. Eight and a half months later, I was hoping to be a good deal lighter than I am now. Twenty-one pounds in eight and a half months is barely 2.5 pounds per month. Ugh! I miss how easy it was in the beginning, how the pounds were just flying off. Granted, I was eating about the same amount of calories as I am now, and I was 65 pounds heavier, but dammit, it was nice! I don't even want that overnight-I'm-suddenly-skinny dream so many have - just a constant 1-2 pound loss per week would be nice. I'll just keep dreaming, and hopefully make it happen.

So, next week marks one year. It's bittersweet as I see how far I've come, but also how far I have left to go. I keep holding onto that mantra of "the year is going to pass whether I do something or not." Ultimately, I have to remember that it won't matter how long it takes, that no one but me will care (and once there, even I probably won't!) and that the end is all that matters.

183.0 - 58.0 pounds to go!

I kind of knew this weigh-in was coming. The initial drop in water weight was nice but it wasn't really a loss. It's disappointing though. My weigh-in the week after this upcoming one marks my one year anniversary, and with last week's weigh-in, I was hopeful that maybe I could hit the 70 pound mark. I don't understand why the scale is being so stubborn.

This last weekend we didn't do so well on the food front. Seems like when dinner time would roll around, we were floundering and caught off guard. We had a scare on Saturday morning when we learned that our dryer had stayed on all night long the previous night. I dried a load of clothing on Friday night and figured I would just get it out the next day. We're usually good about not running the washer/dryer/dishwasher at night, just in case something goes wrong. In this situation, I was under the impression it would have stopped by about 9:00p.m. and didn't think to go check on it. By morning, the husband ran down to the basement for something and said he heard the dryer running. At first, I thought maybe he was mistaken as the air conditioner was running. Nope, he was correct. I had noticed probably a week prior that my niece ran some clothes in it and that the dial didn't appear to advance. I second-guessed myself though and thought I was imagining things. Luckily, it appeared that the dial hadn't rotated through  the cycle but the timer must have because the dryer was basically stuck cooling down. I really don't want to think about what would have happened if the heat had been going for the 12-14 hours it was running. Should be a swell electricity bill though! Of course, once we had purchased our new set and I tried to get as much laundry done as I could before the new set was delivered, the dial started advancing. So, I know that wasn't weight loss related, but hopefully you can learn from our little scare!

This week I'm going to focus on making sure I get back to drinking 12+ glasses of water per day. The last several days have been horrible and sodium has been up - not a good combo. Next weigh-in has to be a loss!

180.2 - 55.2 pounds to go!

So, I'm having very mixed feelings about this week's weigh-in. On one hand, I am so ecstatic that the scale went down, especially by 3.4 pounds! But on the other hand, I feel like it won't last.

I saw my doctor on July 23 to get some blood work done. It had been a few months since my last profile, and even longer since my last cholesterol check. Of course, with all the stress and drama in my life lately, it wasn't all good news. I had been monitoring my BP since March when she agreed to take me off of it and the measures were never that great: not as high as they used to be, but still a bit high, particularly the top number. While I was there, I measure 140/87 and then 152/90. Years ago, that number was more around 155-160/110-15, so it has improved, just not as much as I was hoping. So the bad news is that she placed me on a diuretic (water pill) in hopes that it will help with the numbers a bit. This, in turn, equaled a big loss on the scale this week and now I'm left worrying that when I stop taking it, the pounds will go back on again.

The good news from the visit is pretty great though! My cholesterol came in at 202, just 2 points above "normal." It's not been that low, ever! My HDL increased, LDL decreased, and triglycerides decreased: all were considered in the "normal" range. At my previous visit, she had checked my glucose levels, even though I told her I had recently eaten, and then stated she wanted me to continue on Glucophage. This is always fun to explain to people taking a medical history as I am not diabetic, but have Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome which can cause insulin intolerance. The worst thing about this pill, for me anyway, is that it makes me really ill when I first start taking it, and I am horrible at remembering to take pills. Add to that the iron pills I was on, which really upset my stomach, and I was one miserable individual!

At this appointment, I got to tell her again, with shame in my voice, that I hadn't been taking either. She weighed me in, congratulated me on losing another 9 pounds since I saw her in March, and then informed me that depending on the results ,she may switch me to a timed-release glucose pill, a different type of iron pill, and since my vitamin D was also always low, a smaller dose of that. I felt so discouraged leaving there. I've worked so hard to lose those 65 pounds, hoping the whole way that I could get rid of my medicine cocktail, and I was leaving with the possibility of it having not changed. And then those results - I about did a happy dance! My numbers had gotten better in spots, but I truly think that eating out at restaurants, even though we were trying to make better decisions, restrained them from improving much.

So the great news is the improved blood profile! My iron is still low, but low normal. My vitamin D was normal due to all those wonderful walks outside! My cholesterol levels have improved to numbers I have never seen! But that cursed water pill. I sincerely need to learn to chill out and look into things like yoga and meditation. It seems unbelievable that I could quiet my brain, but it is definitely a goal!

We took new measurements and photos as well. I'm working on figuring out a way to overlay two photos so that I can see a true difference. Looking at two pictures side by side just doesn't show the inches I have lost very well I've noticed. I played around with one program and tried lining up my face but the differences were so huge that I started to doubt it's accuracy. Hopefully soon I figure out how to gauge if the two photos are truly the same scale.

Measurements from 8/18/11 and 7/31/12 - almost one year apart!
Neck: 16" / 13.75"
Bicep(R): 15" / 13.25"
Bicep(L): 15" / 13.5" (starting measurement is an estimate as it was not taken)
Chest: 49" / 42.5"
Waist: 49" / 42.5"
Hips: 50" / 45.25"
Thigh(R): 26" / 21.5"
Thigh(L): 26" / 22.25" (starting measurement is an estimate as it was not taken)
Calf(R): 17.25" / 15"
Calf(L): 17.25"/ 15.25" (starting measurement is an estimate as it was not taken)
Body Fat Percentage: 54% / 40.5%

That brings the total number of inches lost to 35.75, and a 13.5% decrease in body fat. None too shabby!

Current Weight: 180.2 pounds
Current BMI: 32.96
Pounds Lost: 64.8 pounds
BMI Lost: 10.68
Pounds to Meet Mini-Goal #3 (175): 5.2 pounds
Pounds until BMI is 'overweight' instead of 'very overweight' (176.5): 3.7 pounds

183.6 - 58.6 pounds to go!

The scale finally had different numbers this week. Thank goodness! That was actually my weight from Saturday morning as I knew my sodium was going to be high Saturday night. But I was so excited to see those numbers that I snapped a picture.

Nothing otherwise exciting last week. I'm working on keeping my promise to my personal trainer. I was a bit disappointed when we spoke about the scale not moving and his only recommendation was to start eating a bit less, but as the husband said, that's the typical thought regarding weight loss. So I'll just silently agree to disagree and keep on my path. If the number don't seem to move, I'll think about dropping them lower, but I'm guessing it won't be a problem. If anything, looking back, I wasn't eating enough. I wasn't someone on a very low calorie diet, eating only 1200 calories per day and exercising like a mad woman. But, 1600 calories per day while exercising 5 days a week is low according to the calculators I've used. I ate my exercise calories back at least, so there is that. At the moment though, I'm playing around with the numbers. Part of me wanted to drop to 1800, just to push the weight loss a little faster, but the other part of me decided 1950 was a better option. I'll have to gauge it better once a few more weigh-ins are under my belt though.

In four more weigh-ins, I'll hit my one year mark. Well, my fudged one year mark I should say. I started weighing in around mid-July, but it wasn't until mid-August that I started watching what I ate and really "trying" to lose weight. So, I'm going with that date. I'm really far off of the number I had hoped to lose within a year, but I'm trying my hardest to focus on the positive. And I am sure after today's doctor visit, I'll feel a bit better. With all of the unwavering drama in my life that just won't seem to go away, it's hard to focus on the positives, but you can be sure I'll be celebrating the big day!

How to Break a Plateau via Fat 2 Fit Podcast #45

Today is another day where I am feeling stuck. After almost three months of seeing the same numbers, I'm starting to really wonder if I'm stuck here for good. I still have so much more to lose and I just can't seem to shake this plateau. So, off I decided to listen to a few more Fat 2 Fit podcasts and what do you know? I caught up to the one about weight loss plateaus. I thought the information may be useful to others, and as a reminder to myself. So here are my notes from the Fat 2 Fit podcast regarding breaking weight loss plateaus.

Causes of plateaus:
1. Not eating enough
2. Giving up on diet/exercise and/or not trying as hard
3. Dieting 2-3 months and body stops losing

Breaking a plateau:
1. Eat at maintenance or slightly above for at least 1 week
2. Try zig-zagging: eat more one day, lower another day (e.g. 1500 one day, 2200 the next, for avg. of 1800 per day)
3. Change your diet and exercise regime. Try eating more protein, or adding interval training.

Ways to avoid a plateau:
1. Moderate calorie restriction - never more than 500 below maintenance
2. Exercise
3. Take time off from dieting such as once a week, one meal a day, etc.
4. Don't let your body adapt to a specific workout routine - change things up by increasing intensity/speed, trying different machines, etc.
5. Eat more often throughout the day to speed up metabolism

Our bodies are designed to keep us alive through times of famine. So to avoid a plateau, we need to keep it guessing. If a plateau does sneak in, we need to show it that we aren't really in any danger by shaking things up a bit.

185.2 - 60.2 pounds to go!

I'm starting to hear that little voice in my head telling me I won't ever weigh less than 185. I've been bouncing around the same 2-3 pounds for the last three months now and I'm really hoping this cut will push my body back into losing again. If not, I honestly have no idea where to go next. I'm just going to hold onto the fact that last week I was technically eating at maintenance due to not working out, and I've fixed that this week. So damn it fat cells, start shrinking!

Last week was a rough week. I made the decision to estrange myself from my parents, my job has been making me really angry, I feel like I have no idea what I want to do in terms of a new career, and I just felt so lost. I'm now feeling a bit better about my decision, but I still feel lost. But, before this becomes less weight loss related, let's move on!

I had an emotional training session on Friday. No sooner did my trainer ask me for details about how things had been going and I started sobbing. The poor guy was probably so taken back and I could tell he wasn't sure what exactly to do. I ended up confessing that I hadn't worked out all week and we both agreed that I should channel my anger into a great workout. I pushed myself harder than I had in a long time, and I ended up feeling it for 4 days. Weighted squats, alternating lunges, and jump squats left my legs so sore that I ended up having to walk down the stairs backwards, with my arms on the stairs in front of me. I basically did the same for going up the stairs, not backwards of course, but it probably didn't look as silly. It definitely made it hard to do anything other than sit and remain motionless. But I did end up walking on Saturday and Tuesday. I can't say it made them feel any better, but at least they didn't feel any worse.

Going in to Friday's session, I was prepared to tell him I was not going to be able to purchase any more sessions with him. They are definitely not cheap, and while I wasn't sure if I could get up the nerve to follow the nutritionist's advice and take classes instead, I figured financially it was the best choice. However, after our session he said he had something to discuss with me. Before I even had a chance, he told me that he wanted to give me 4 free sessions if I bought the same package as I did last time because he really enjoys our sessions and he looks forward to them because of how hard I push myself. I've struggled with this, wondering if he was just blowing smoke up my ass, but to voluntarily give up 4 sessions worth of paid time has to mean something. I think I'm just to used to being taken advantage of and rarely being on the receiving end of the generosity of others. Needless to say, I couldn't refuse his kindness. In return, he made me promise to work hard, and I plan to use that promise as motivation to get my butt in gear.

185.2 - 60.2 pounds to go!

Man, I cannot for the life of me get over that 60 pound mark. It's been teasing for weeks, just like the 199 pound mark did at the beginning of the year.

Last week I was lazy. I won't even sugarcoat it, it was pure laziness. And I can list out all of my excuses, but in the end, that's what they are: excuses. Our office building flooded, which I am mentioning more for my own sake because my memory is *horrible.* So, yeah, a water valve burst overnight in the building connected to ours, which sent tons of water barreling toward our building since the whole thing is on a slope. The water eventually poked holes in the drywall, resulting in buckets of water pouring out of our ceiling tiles. Thankfully, I had that next day off (though I would have been paid for an emergency shutdown, darn it!) and my cubicle didn't seem to take any damage. Last week, however, we were moved into a classroom with most of the building before taking up residence in a vacated office. My walking partner, however, was sent to a location about 30 minutes away. This, combined with being out of sorts in this huge open room that we've tried to make our own (with students and staff peering in at us, or namely me due to my position in the room), and it being over 95 degrees everyday, meant I did not walk at all. Not at the gym, not outside, nada.

The good news in all of that, however, is that not only did I lose the 3.8 pounds in water weight from the holiday party we attended last weekend, but I also maintained! At first I was kind of upset about maintaining, but when I used the calculator to triple check my numbers, I noticed that 1900 calories per day is my maintenance amount at a sedentary activity level. So, I only have myself to blame. Thankfully, my walking partner is back as of today, so we'll be getting out on lunch again.

I had another meeting with the nutritionist on Friday, and I kind of lied. I know, I know, shame on me and all that. But, I made the decision to do so based on past conversations with her and the recent hypothesis that I needed to break this darn plateau via increased calories and less exercise. Via her notes, I had gone from 188 to 185, so not a total failure; however, at my last meeting with her, my weight reflected water retention. According to the data I have, I was 185.8 at that weigh-in vs. this week's 185.2. Nothing to celebrate really. That wasn't my lie though. She asked how exercise is going, and I felt like I knew what her response would be if I said I was toning it back a bit. So I told her what I was doing before my reset: 3 days strength training, 6-7 days walking/cardio. And of course she was pleased. And of course I sat there thinking "and I felt like I had no life and the scale wasn't moving."

We discussed dinner being a bit better. On maintenance, I can't really say I was limiting dinner to only 450-500 calories, but I think there were nights when I definitely did better by only taking 3/4 of a serving. We also spoke about the gym we go to and how we looked into other ones. Currently, it seems as though our membership is pretty low ($46/mo for 2 people) compared to the couple we've looked in to for comparison. My big issue last I met with her was the gym announcing that their promo for free classes before 1pm was ending. Now classes are $7 per session, which could really add up. I also recently was really bummed at my training sessions coming to an end, which are not cheap at all! For now, he and I have agreed to back down to every other week. Since sessions have to be in advance, I figured I would agree to 20 sessions to get the cheapest price and then pay for 2 per month. It'll take a while, but it seemed better than fronting all of that money up front, especially when I don't have it! The nutritionist pointed out that trainers are usually really good for beginners, but not necessary after that unless you need motivation, but I definitely feel like I need that extra motivation. It's another person checking in with me every couple of weeks, and it's someone pushing me more than I push myself. She has me kind of kicking myself for verbally agreeing to set up more sessions and fork out all that money instead of taking classes, but it's something I really wanted to do. Hopefully my bank account can keep up.

189.2 - 64.2 pounds to go

Oh sodium, how I hate you. I sincerely wish companies would learn to make their food taste good without piling on tons of sodium. 

This was the second week eating at maintenance, and I think it went okay. There were still plenty of days when I ate dessert at the end of the night to meet my calorie goal. Overall though, I didn't do too poorly. Nothing can be as bad as it was almost a year ago! We would eat fast food probably a good 4 or more times per week. We'd go out to restaurants just as often. I think I'm being generous if I estimate that we cooked at home twice per week. I'd drive through Tim Horton's or Dunkin Donuts, or when I had time I'd go to McDonald's, for breakfast; lunch would be a frozen meal, Subway, or maybe a sandwich if I wasn't in the mood to run out; and dinner was almost always out. And weekends...oomph. We'd wake up so late (noon-2:00pm) that we'd just get fast food and eat enough that we really didn't need to eat dinner. I was actually kind of proud of the fact that I could go all day on one meal. Maybe because I thought it could mean I wasn't really getting fatter? I mean less food has to mean less weight! 

Anyway, maintenance is officially over. I've lowered my daily calories to 1900 and we'll see if the scale starts moving again. It's funny to me that at 2400, I would often have calories left at the end of the day, but at 1900 I'm finding I have to be careful about what I choose to eat. 

185.4 - 60.4 pounds to go!

I had the strangest thing happen when I got on the scale: I didn't believe the numbers. I did a double-take and tried to process the numbers, thinking "WHAT?! How is it 185? It should be like 165!" And I honestly felt like I had suddenly gained 20 pounds and was completely off-course. It's really strange because not long ago, I couldn't wrap my head around my weight for the complete opposite reason. I would get on the scale and have to really drill into my head that I was no longer 245 pounds. I'd repeat it over and over and over again until I logged it in to the multiple sites I use. But now it's like my brain had caught up and kept going and I've stayed behind. In the beginning, I had worked out monthly amounts to meet 100 pounds in a year, and as I logged yesterday's weigh-in just now, I noticed that my "monthly goal" sheet said I am 32 pounds off of where I wanted to be at this point. And that, my friends, is why I would never suggest attaching amounts to future dates.

Quite honestly though, once that initial feeling of shock and disappointment passed, and I realized I've not been to 165 yet, I was quite happy. 1) I'm supposedly eating at maintenance, so not gaining is a big plus! 2) I was .4 pounds lower than my previous lowest weight a couple weeks ago, and with eating more calories, my sodium intake all week was pretty horrible. Between both, I figured the scale would go back up to around 187. After this week, when I go back to cutting, I think I am going to try 1900 per day and see if that does anything.

Yesterday was the end of week one of eating at maintenance. I've found it really hard to eat all of my calories and not eat some sort of junk, and now I'm really paying for it. We have a bunch of June birthdays in my office, so last week included ice cream, and cheesecake. And then I'd have calories left at night, even after a fairly big dinner, so I'd eat more ice cream, or cookies. Then we went to a local festival and there was ice cream with topping stations. And what is the best kind of ice cream? Free ice cream, of course! Well then I had to have some at home the next night, cause it was hot outside (not inside, where I was, but outside.) Today was another birthday and I found my fat-self fighting like a champ to get back out. The hostess brought in chocolate cake, Entemann's chocolate frosted donuts, various cookies, and chips. I'm proud of myself for only having a very small piece of cake, but in my lunch box are four cookies I intend to share with the husband and niece after dinner tonight. And the fat-self wants to run down there and get two donuts and another piece of cake to go as well. Quite honestly, I think it's from all the junk I've had this last week. When I have sugar like that, I crave it and that is exactly what is going on. It feels like a drug habit and I just have to have some, even just a little bit. It's an awful feeling.

Over the weekend, I accomplished a huge NSV (non-scale victory). We had gone to the local festival on Friday and I decided that my niece and I would go again on Saturday to avoid being cooped up all day. But instead of driving there and fighting for a parking spot, I decided to see if we could walk there and back again. I also found that I'm way better at beating down my anxiety monster, so I guess that was two NSV's! Before we left on our walk, that little voice of doubt kept nagging at me and I noticed I always had a positive response. It felt hugely empowering to have a rational voice telling the illogical side to back off. Here are a couple I remember:

• Anxiety: "What if you can't make it? It's an awful long walk!" Me: "Then we'll call the husband and ask him to come get us!" 
• Anxiety: "But on the nature trail, he can't come get you! He just told you that himself!" Me: "Then we'll sit down for a few minutes and rest. No bigs!" 
• Anxiety: "Those new shoe inserts sure do feel odd. They actually kind of hurt, and we're not even moving yet!" Me: "Well then I'll stop and rip them out and carry them home!" 

We totally made it, by the way: 7.37 miles round trip! My niece ended up bringing shoes to my house that are falling apart, which I was not aware of before our walk, so she was in a lot of pain. While we sat at the festival for a bit, I offered to call my husband and have him bring her some better shoes, or pick her up. In the end, we walked the main road in case we needed to call him, but she suffered through it. Super proud of her for it! My feet were hurting in the end, but nothing too horrible. Maybe the pride of having walked that far was helping!

Reset Progress

For the most part, being on maintenance has been pretty smooth. I have no issues eating 2400 calories per day. In fact, on some days, I even eat into my exercise calories! I've tried to not feel guilty by reminding myself that a few hundred extra calories is not going to cause me to gain. I'm really not looking forward to going back down to 1800 or so though. 

My biggest issue has been eating clean. I haven't been eating complete junk, and maybe it's no more than usual but now that I am watching it seems like a bigger issue. Balancing macros is also really tricky. I'm almost always consistently over on carbs. It's almost like everything I eat has a bunch and by dinner, I'm over. I don't think it's a huge issue, especially if on strength days, but I would think it happening every day is something I should curb. 

I've also been slacking on exercise this week. A co-worker that I normally walk with every day decided to check out our gym. I was super excited since this means I won't have to worry about walking outside when it's 90 degrees out. This made me really excited at the prospect of doing strength training every other day like I should be doing. But then I feel guilty for leaving him on his own in a strange place. So, I walked instead. And then yesterday he pulled a muscle in his back and decided to take it easy, so I didn't go. I'm finding it really easy to just blow things off and that really worries me. 

So far this week, the scale has been a consistent 186-187 pounds, which is good. Eating more calories has also meant going over on sodium by a good bit every day, so I could in fact be around 185. I was almost hoping it would go down a little bit, just so I can see the scale move again! 

My big shock for the week was going shopping for a bathing suit! A month or two ago, I found a post from a lady giving away some of her clothing on a Reddit group. I was only expecting some shirts but she ended up mailing me a bathing suit and some other stuff as well. Since I'm still holding on to all of this belly fat, the top was a bit snug, so I decided to head out and buy another one. I'm a bit sad that the top I bought was a size 20 but I'm trying to remind myself of two things: 1) I bought it at Target, and from what I have experiences, their sizes ALWAYS run small; 2) the top is really loose in the stomach area and the 18 I tried on fit just fine. I also need to remember that I went shopping for a bathing suit! I've not swam in a pool in probably 12-13 years, and I've not worn a suit in about 9-10 years. Plus, 60 pounds ago, I probably would have been freaking out about having to buy a size 28. So, there are pluses! Thankfully, Old Navy just emailed me that all of theirs are on sale this weekend for 60% off, so I might save some money as well as find I fit into a smaller size. Going to be crossing my fingers (and toes!)

186.6 - 61.6 pounds to go (and a reset!)

I am officially sick of this plateau. Beyond even. I try to talk myself into focusing on the positives, but most days I just feel defeated. When you're counting calories and adding in more and more exercise and still not seeing the scale move, it wears on you. And over the weekend, it got to me. I threw my hands in the air and decided to message someone on MyFitnessPal whom I consider a knowledgeable resource. I was combing over the last 8 weeks in my head, wondering what I could be doing wrong and my conclusion was: nothing. I'm eating out less often, I'm exercising more, I'm pushing myself, I'm still logging everything that goes into my mouth, and yet the measurements and scale aren't moving. Something has to be wrong.

So, off to him I went, messaging him in the middle of the night, venting to him my frustrations. I explained my confusion at yet another plateau, at the increase in hunger which drove me to up my calories by 200 per day, and the need to "do more" given by the nutritionist. I gave him background information, like how I ate 1600-1650 calories per day since the start and only recently increased them, and that the first plateau landed in January, didn't end until mid-February, and yet here I am again. And in typical fashion, I walked away with a wealth of new information to consider, such as how lots of cardio while cutting can actually hinder weight loss.

Essentially, his hypothesis, which stems from this article is that my body is under too much stress. You create stress on the body when you cut calories. Now add even more stress by exercising, and adding more and more exercise because the scale isn't moving, and we have a bad formula. Too much stress can lead to chronic levels of cortisol, which can lead to decreased hormone levels like ghrelin and leptin, decreased metabolic rate, and water retention. When reading over the information, it makes sense. Do I know how accurate it is? Absolutely not. However, from what I have researched, it seems like a plausible explanation. There were times during the winter that I would barely exercise and yet the scale moved. Messed up levels of ghrelin and leptin can wreak havoc with appetite and I was recently going through that phase where I couldn't eat enough. I can't blame the nutritionist for telling me to stop being lazy and get the scale moving faster, but it might very well be too much. On the outside, it makes sense that cutting calories and exercising more would mean bigger weight losses. But on the inside, it also seems logical that my body could be freaking out and wondering what is going on! 

So, for the next 2 weeks, I'll be following Dan's advice, because quite frankly, at this point, I can't afford not to. Eight weeks of not seeing any progress is truly weighing on me and I don't want to risk sneaking food or giving up completely. His advice is as follows:

• Eat at TDEE for 2 weeks, which equals a glorious 2400 calories per day.  I used the Fat2Fit calculator, entered my current weight as my goal weight, and used the moderately active number. Dan suggested lightly active, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. I'd rather gain a pound than potentially not reset things.
• 90% clean food - no more than 5-6 ingredients listed, no chemicals, minimal processing, etc. (which I already do)
• Avoid soy (pretty sure I already do this too)
• Start a strong lifts program or a similar heavy lifting program (3 days of heavy lifting)
• Walk on rest days, but no running, HIIT, power walking, or other intense cardio! Allow diet to be the primary means of losing!
• Watch macros
• Protein should be at least 1g per pound of lean body mass, so at least 86g per day per this calculator
• Fat can shift from .3-.7g per pound of lean mass, so 26g-60g per day
• On workout days, eat less fat and more carbs, such as fruits, bread, pasta, starch (because carbs are fuel!)
• On rest days, eat more fats and less carbs. Greens are good choices as they have less carbs.
• Subtract dietary fiber from carbs to get true carb number

Appreciating the Scenery

Today I decided to stop being so hard on myself. Yes, it stinks that the scale is not moving as fast as it was before the New Year. Sure, it's frustrating to be at least 20 pounds heavier than I had aimed for at the moment. It's disappointing that I still can't wear all the clothes that my ultra generous co-worker gave me back toward the beginning of the year. It's not fair, it sucks, and it makes me want to stomp my feet and "throw a wobbly" as I saw someone call it. But, that's life. It's still a journey no matter how long it takes.

I still meet little goals along the way, learn new things about myself, and change and grow in many ways. Plus, my brain is having a really hard time catching up with things, and the slower I lose, the more I notice the little things. Just the other day I was sitting somewhere and looked at my thighs and thought "wow, they really look quite a bit smaller!" Today I decided to stop being so bummed about all of the things that haven't gone my way, and focus on some of the accomplishments I have made:

• 59 pounds lost - almost 24% of my highest weight
• 52 pounds, or 21.75%, since beginning this journey on August 18, 2011
• Under 200 pounds, and not only under 200, but under 190
• Taken off blood pressure meds
• 33" lost 
• Went from a size 24/26 pant to a size 16
• Down from a size 24/26 or 3X top to an 18/20 or XL
• It's summer and I'm wearing sandals that last year hurt because my feet were swelling so bad; this year they feel too big
• My wedding ring has a ring sizer on it and a lot of times it still feels too big
• I started at the gym huffing and puffing doing 2.5 mph at a 5% incline; now I can go 3.5 mph and double the incline
• I could barely walk the short way around the campus I work at, now I'm constantly looking for ways to add more distance
• I jogged half a mile, which wasn't much, but I still did it and proved to myself that I could
• Husband and I walked .3 miles to a restaurant for dinner and I had to have him go get the car and come pick me up; now I can walk over 3 miles and not bat an eye
• I can do planks, and side planks, and boat pose, and lots of other things I thought were "too hard"
• I can feel bones I've not felt in a long time, if ever: collar bones, upper shins, hips
• I've gained muscle, or at least defined them; seeing my biceps makes me proud
• I went without pop for about 9.5 months, drank some, and hated it
• Haven't had "fast food" (aka McDonald's, Taco Bell, Wendy's, etc.) since January; it wasn't my choice and I ate half of a very plain salad

Ultimately, no one but me will care how long it took to get to my final destination. And in the end, even I won't care. It just matters that I get there - and I so will!

185.8 - 60.8 pounds to go!

Less than a pound to go until the half way mark. That is such a huge relief!

Last time I checked in I said I would up my calories if the scale didn't move, and thank goodness it did. I didn't end up working out a ton more like the nutritionist wanted. I'm a bit apprehensive about that, to be honest. There are so many different viewpoints on things that it's hard to know who the believe. I've read in many places that losing weight is primarily about the food you eat and getting enough sleep, and exercise comes last. Then there's the whole "calories in vs calories out" argument, which is true to a point. So I've struggled with choosing what to do. Yes, I want the scale to move faster, who doesn't? But I also know slower is better, and if I am working out 2 hours a night now, what's to come later?

I had a hard time sticking with my meal plan this last week. I took Wed and Thurs off so that the husband and I could celebrate our anniversary. Really what this means is I didn't eat meals and snacks like I should have and do on workdays. Not sure why I have struggled with this from the start. Days I work, I want snacks! Days I have off, I eat just "meals" and that's about it. Though, I guess to be fair, there are days like our last training session where I am hungry, and want to eat snacks, but errands get in the way.

This week I am going to try to motivate myself to hit the gym on my lunch hour. My walking buddy is down for a little bit and it's getting hotter outside, so I figured I'd change things up a bit by doing my walking HIIT routine and burning about double what I do walking outside. And maybe next week I'll hit the halfway mark....

187.0 - 62.0 pounds to go

Ah, plateaus: depressing, frustrating, demotivating. It's rough watching the scale stay within the same couple pounds week after week. It's tough knowing I wanted to see the scale lower than it is by this date. It's difficult to figure out what caused it, why it's happening, and what to do. It nags, making me wonder why I'm bothering, what the point is, and who cares. It eats at me every time I step on the scale, log the weight for the week, and watch the one year date rapidly approach. And in spite of all that, it is worth it. It's tough, but it's temporary. I've come so far, there's no way I'd give up now.

I had the husband take my measurements before meeting with the nutritionist. Most of them stayed the same, a couple supposedly increased, a few decreased by a quarter of an inch. Considering they are subject to human error, since it's not like I have tattoos of where to measure, I wasn't really counting it as a victory.

The nutritionist seemed to think I'm just not doing enough anymore. Walking 40-50 minutes everyday isn't enough, nor is strength training once a week (this one I agree with.) So while it could be a plateau (which I thought she didn't believe in after the last one), she just wants me doing more. And I am willing to try, but I also feel like I have no life as a result. But, that's the price I have to pay for overindulging for so long.

Aside from exercising more, the nutritionist wants me to work on only eating 400-500 calories at dinner. This is going to be rough. Dinner is traditionally the biggest meal and to cut it way back just feels odd. And 400 calories at dinner is not a lot. I meticulously log all of my food, I create recipes when we cook from scratch, we try to cut out a lot of things, but sometimes it doesn't help. So I am trying, but I may need to gradually step down. One tip she gave me, that I loved (but shamefully haven't tried yet) was to take 1/3 less. As a typical American, if it's on my plate. By taking less, I may noticed I'm satisfied and save some calories, and if I'm not full, I can go back for the remaining 1/3 and feel like I am getting seconds. We'll see how that goes - I am hopeful.

Last night I couldn't bring myself to go to the gym. I had come home from work, started on dinner, ate, and then watched TV while letting it digest some (working out while full is BAD!) and decided I didn't want to come home and go to bed. Instead, I made myself proud and did a strength workout at home! I've done plenty of body weight exercises that I have no excuse to not do them at home: planks, side planks, calf raises, etc. And while I didn't take as long as I do at the gym, where I'm going from spot to spot and/or putting things away, I still managed to get a decent burn. I'm not sore today though, which might mean I need to make things harder on myself.

So, here's hoping for a better weigh-in this weekend. If the number doesn't move again, I'll up my calories to maintenance. The nutritionist stated the obvious in that I need less calories now that I weigh less, however, I don't think I am eating at maintenance. If 1800 calories a day is maintenance (1500 net after exercise), I greatly do not look forward to the future. Instead, I think I was eating pretty close to BMR (after exercise) for a while and my body is wondering what's going on. The first plateau was 5 months in, this one was at 4-4.5 months in. I just wish I had started steadily losing as much as I was before the first plateau. My body seemed to start the year off by saying, "ok, fun's over...we're not losing that much every week anymore. Deal with it!" I guess I just have to fight back.

186.8 - 61.8 pounds to go

I'm late in posting for last week, but my weight was the same last week and this week, so I'll roll it all into one post.

Apparently what I thought was a trend of plateauing on the scale for a couple weeks and then losing decently for 2-3 weeks was a myth. And these are the times when losing weight is the hardest. It's not hard to stay motivated and keep doing what I know is the right choice in the long-run, but it mentally breaks you to see the scale not moving. Even when you think you are prepared for it, and maybe even okay with it, you aren't.

I upped my calories from 1625 to 1800 last week. My line of thinking is that for the amount of activity I was doing (40 min walks M-Th, training on Friday), I was probably eating too little. The new calorie amount also lines up with the nutritionist's revised meal plan, so I don't feel like it will set me back.

Until I do measurements next week, I won't truly know if this is a plateau or not. However, if it was, then hopefully I broke it with all the days I was over on calories this week. It was husband's birthday last week, so we went to our fav place: a Japanese steakhouse. And against my better judgement, I ate it all, again. Then we splurged on popcorn, pop, and candy at the theater. (FYI: after not having pop in nine months, I can honestly say I do not miss it one little bit!) As if one day of being over wasn't enough, we also had a barbecue over the weekend to celebrate his birthday with family and friends. I did manage to eat in moderation, however, the cake and ice cream I made were too-die-for and clocked in at about 1,000 calories combined. And, uh, we ate the leftovers of everything Sunday and Monday as well. Don't judge me!

This coming Friday I meet with the nutritionist and sadly, if my weight stays the same throughout the week, I'll be reporting a 1 pound loss since I saw her a month ago. I'm thinking of doing measurements a couple days early to see if they have changed before I meet with her, but I'm still on the fence about it. In the event they are the same, it would probably be a good thing to know so that she can lift my spirits and give me some ideas.

187.6 - 62.6 pounds to go

The scale, she is fickle.

I think I did really well this week. We only went out to restaurants twice this week (yes, that's more than once, I know!) We went to the gym a few times, I walked at lunch like usual. So it may just be the change in routine I guess. I hope. If not, the nutritionist will have some brainstorming to do. I'd certainly hope I'm not plateauing again after only losing 15 pounds.

Another staff member at the gym noticed the difference in our appearance after we checked-in. While I was waiting, he was asking me how things have been going and how many inches I've lost. That struck me: he asked about inches and not weight. The number on the scale is huge for most people yet it can be so deceiving, which is why it's so important to take measurements as well as use the scale.

So, here's to another week. I have our meal plan all made out, which takes the stress out of frantically trying to figure out dinner in 30 minutes. And we'll see if the scale keeps with the latest trend. If so, the next two weeks should be 1.5-2.5 pounds losses.

187.8 - 62.8 pounds to go!

I'm a bit shocked at this week's amount: I drank lots of water, I ate over some days in the beginning of the week, and under on days later in the week, I worked out hard on Friday. I'm just sort of at a loss as to why it wasn't a bigger amount. I was really kind of disappointed to meet with the nutritionist on Friday and report the same weight I had had the week prior (for weigh-in, not last meeting with her.) It still amounted to 4 pounds in 4 weeks, but we were aiming for the scale to move a bit more between meetings.

Our personal trainer really kicked my butt on Friday. He had me doing a few new things, and some harder versions of other things. From his comments and my soreness, we worked primarily on glutes and legs. I'm still sore today actually!

My meeting with the nutritionist went well, aside from the weight issue. I'm sure she doesn't want me to get discouraged, so she said 4 pounds was great. In my head though, I recalled her saying we wanted to started seeing more than 3. Yes, 4 is greater than 3, I am aware of that. But I figured we were aiming more for 6+. She chastised us for eating at restaurants so often (which we needed, again) and pointed out that could definitely be hindering things. We're going to try plotting out a weekly dinner menu with at least one dinner that can be eaten twice, and we're looking for more baked recipes. I informed her of my love for baking and explained that out of the two batches of cookies I made (32 total), I only ate 2, which I think is damn impressive! I also told her about a co-worker helping me try and get a side/hobby business going to feed my love of baking so that I don't have to eat what I make. I don't think she feels it's a very good idea as she told me I need a new hobby. I'm sure she's concerned about me gaining everything back. I have no intentions of giving up baking though - sorry! But, in the meantime, she's on a mission to help me find more dinners that are baked, so that I can enjoy helping with dinner and maybe calm the baking bug.

Yesterday at the gym we both received some really nice feedback. One of the trainers happened to be behind the counter when we were walking over to gather our stuff to leave. He did a double-take and said he hadn't realized it before but suddenly noticed I have lost a bit of weight. Then I headed into the bathroom to wash my face off and one of the staff members said the same thing. She was asking how we've been doing it and told us to keep it up as we both look great. Since she walked out with me, she caught up with the trainer who had previously commented and asked him if he had noticed. It's really nice to hear once in a while (not all the time cause then I get self-conscious!) since it's hard to see it ourselves. We took pictures on Sunday morning, before we had gone to the gym, and I explained how I feel like I need a magnifying glass to see any differences. I see some and I think the problem is that they are very slight. When you think about losing 60 pounds, it seems like there should be a huge difference because, well, imagine 60 pounds of hamburger! It's a lot! But on someone like me who had a lot to lose, and still need to lose about another 60, the differences aren't very big at first. It's kind of depressing that I got that huge and had that much to lose and can't enjoy the big differences yet, but I'm happy to be on this journey nonetheless.

This week going forward, at least until July when classes start up again for us, we're going to work on only going out once per week and following a dinner menu for the rest of the week. I'm also going to force myself to go to the gym more often. Ideally, I'd like to be going at least Monday, Wednesday and Friday to do some strength training and then head there or walk outside on the other nights. One year is coming up fast and I'm really not liking the potential one year total, so I need to step it up!

Here are the measurements for this week:
Neck: 14"
Bicep (R): 13.5"
Bicep (L): 13.75"
Chest: 43.25"
Waist: 44"
Hips: 45.75"
Thigh (R): 22.5"
Thigh (L): 21.75"
Calf (R): 15.75"
Calf (L): 15.25"

188.2 - 63.2 pounds to go!

So nice to see the scale move like that again! And even better to move into the 180's! The last time I was at this weight was probably senior year of high school, so 1997-98.

I still can't wrap my head around these new numbers. I know them enough to repeat them back on various websites I use to weigh-in, or to tell someone, but my brain just does not connect the dots. It's like I'm waiting for someone to jump out and yell "HAHA! We were manually setting your scale - you're really 245 pounds still."

I feel different, in that I have more energy. Not all the time, especially with the classes we were taking and how draining life can sometimes be. But in general, I can do a lot more than I used to without feeling winded or exhausted. I can also feel certain bones that I wasn't able to before, which I've mentioned in the past on here. My recent obsession has been with my collar bones. You can't see them just yet, but I constantly find myself feeling around that area since there is less padding there. 

Last I looked at my progress pictures, I still couldn't really tell a difference. As of a month ago, I've added pictures that are a bit more revealing as the other ones don't show my legs. I really wish I had taken those pictures in the beginning as well. For 50 pounds lost though, I don't see a huge difference. My huge belly is still there hanging in the wind, my fat rolls still waving "hello" on my back. I think those are the things keeping me from noticing a difference. I look down, or in the mirror, and I see that same old flab. It's supposedly gone down a few inches, but that's really not noticeable from my angle. 

Anyway, enough whining. I'm getting there, no matter what! So far, this has been an awesome experience. I've pushed myself to do things I never would have before. I've learned a lot about proper nutrition and fitness. I've gained a little more self-confidence just by showing myself that this journey is possible. As a young adult, I was always around family and relatives who exclaimed losing weight was just so hard, if not impossible. I don't recall ever hearing any of them mention what they were doing to lose weight, but it was hard! I think as I got older, even into high school, I held onto the hope that it would just go away on it's own, or that I would grow taller! But why bother trying to lose weight when all of these knowledgeable adults say it's impossible? I guess I just had to be ready. Like any other habit people are trying to create/break, I just had to want it. Sure, I had said in the past that I was sick of being fat, that I really wanted to be thinner and healthier, that I really wanted to lose weight, but I never did anything - nothing! I never wanted it enough. This time, it's mine! It's not impossible - it just takes time!


Current Weight: 188.2 pounds 
Current BMI: 34.42 
Pounds Lost: 56.8 pounds
BMI Lost: 9.22
Pounds to Meet Mini-Goal #3 (175): 13.2 pounds
Pounds until BMI is 'overweight' instead of 'very overweight' (176.5): 11.7 pounds

190.4 - 65.4 pounds to go

So Sunday's weigh-in was a cheat weigh-in again. We were visiting family 4 hours away and didn't have access to a scale, so I used Friday's number. We ate really, really bad all weekend: lots of fattening, greasy, fried food and way too much sodium. I was definitely feeling it come Sunday and just felt rather gross. The scale this morning was up 3.5 pounds or so from Friday so I am hoping to flush out the extra sodium over the next couple days and see that number return.


Today, I am really, really feeling discouraged. I am part of a group on MyFitnessPal that is all about eating to lose weight. The group organizer has done tons of research and freely gives the info to anyone interested so that they can educate themselves and see his sources of information. Last week or so, I had used his information to calculate my BMR and TDEE. Following his directions to the letter, it proposed that I eat 1634 calories + exercise calories, or 1850 calories no matter what. I was thrilled to set my daily amount to 1850 after how hungry I've been lately. I had asked him to run my numbers just in case I was incorrect and this weekend he finally got around to it. His advice is the following:


BMR 1247 
TDEE 1932 
Set MFP to 1546 daily 
Protein and Fats 30% each If you have no fat movement in 2 weeks adjust Protein up and carbs down.


For some reason, seeing 1546, which is 100 lower than what I was previously, just depresses me. For one, I was eating around that and constantly hungry. Second, I've been eating 300 more than that for about a week, which had me feeling more full but I was also not really losing much of anything.


And that's the thing about weight-loss: everyone has different advice and there's really no way of knowing who is correct! My nutritionist doesn't like counting calories but rather prefers that I eat healthy. Lots of people agree with this, but also feel that a calorie amount is needed to create a deficit. Still others point to the fact that a deficit is a deficit, even if you eat junk. People like myself that want to know all of the why's and how-come's are left confused. 


I'm really just hoping something works to kick-start things again. The last couple weigh-ins have been good, but before that it was beginning to go down one week and stay steady for a couple weeks. The one year mark is closing in, and while I realize I won't hit the 100 pound mark like I wanted, I'd at least like to hit 80. 


**Edit: I finally figured out, with the help of some searching and a MyFitnessPal friend, how the group organizer got a different number. The Fat2Fit BMR calculator uses goal weight in it's calculation, so in a sense, you are eating like the thinner person you want to become. The organizer runs the numbers on a separate calculator using current weight as a goal weight and then just cuts 20% from TDEE. This method calls for less calories and has to be recalculated every 10 or so pounds. So, all is better now. I need to just learn to breathe.

191.8 - 66.8 pounds to go!

So this week's weigh-in I cheated. It's the first time I've ever done it, and I sort of feel bad, but I don't at the same time. We always weigh-in on Sunday. Whatever that number is, we record it. Well, this last week, I rocked all week. I clearly got the excess sodium/water out of my system and I was careful to not go over by much and see the scale creep back up. Then we met up some people on Saturday at Buffalo Wild Wings. That always blows things out of the water. If there is anything healthy on their menu, I would love to know what it is. I opted for a basket of buffalo chips, which I thought were supposed to be unsalted, but came salted (ugh!) and some wings. I had planned on only eating three wings at most since they are packed with sodium and focusing on the unsalted potato slices. That didn't go so well. So, can you guess what happened on weigh-in morning? Yup, scale was up. Granted it was only .6 pounds of water weight, but it would have meant another week with no loss. So, instead, my weigh-in was my Saturday morning weight. There, I explained it. I feel better and there's no way you can make me change it! For the record, since I weigh myself unofficially every day just to check on water weight from sodium, etc, today the scale said 190.4! Maybe come Sunday I'll be in the 180'! Man that would rock.

This feeling of constantly being hungry is driving me insane! I've been eating two morning snacks and two afternoon snacks like the nutritionist suggested and I still can't shake it. Even now, I've had my toast with PB and almond milk, a banana and almonds (which I ate early!) and my stomach is hurting. I told the husband last night that if it goes on much longer, I'm going to break down and just have a day where I eat (healthy, not junk) and just go over my calories by as much as is necessary to feel full. At the moment, I am waiting for some people from a group I belong to on MyFitnessPal to run my numbers for me and check my BMR and TDEE against what I calculated. I'm fairly certain my daily calories are within 50 calories of the "sedentary" calorie level, but I am so hoping they suggest upping them a couple hundred or so. And this time, I'm recording the info here since MFP decided to delete my messages after a couple months without warning.

193.0 - 68.0 pounds to go

These are definitely the kind of weeks that make it or break it for people trying to lose weight. For the past two weeks, I've been diligently walking 2 miles at work. It takes me roughly 37 minutes and is quite hilly in some spots. Fridays are gym days now that we have a personal trainer again, and we've even been going on Saturdays as well. So why the half pound gains the past couple of weeks? I have not a clue.

My meeting with the nutritionist went well. I told her about being constantly hungry the last couple of weeks and she set me up eating more snacks throughout the day saying that it's a sign of a higher metabolism (which I remembered her saying, but shouldn't that mean a loss, not a gain?) I am all for eating more though because the last couple weeks have been awful! It eventually got to the point where my morning banana would not hold me through to lunch. Aside from that, I had only lost 3 pounds since my previous visit and she said she wants to see me lose more, to which I said "you and me BOTH!" I guess all I can do is hope that it's muscle building from my walks and personal training sessions, but I've not researched how quickly muscle builds to know if that's a plausible cause.

We did measurements and photos yesterday. Here are my starting measurements and yesterday's:
Neck: 16" / 14.25" ---- 1.75" lost
Bicep: 15" / 13.75" ---- 1.25" lost
Chest: 49" / 43.75" ---- 5.25" lost
Waist: 49" / 43.75" ---- 5.25" lost
Hips: 50" / 46.5" ---- 3.5" lost
Thigh: 26" / 22.5" ---- 3.5" lost
Calf: 17.25" / 16" ---- 1.25" lost

Total inches lost: 21.75

192.6 - 67.6 pounds to go

The gain this week is water weight, so I'm not fretting about it. Earlier in the week I was at 191.4, so I have a feeling somewhere around 191 was what I would have been at had it not been for all the sodium I ingested over the weekend. My eldest niece is staying with us for her spring break and came down on her birthday, so it felt appropriate to take her out dinner as she had not celebrated yet. Of course we chose our favorite place, a Japanese steakhouse. She had never been to one (apparently we took her sister years ago but not her!) and agreed to trying it (and loved it!) But clearly that wasn't enough salt, no no. Her and I went grocery shopping the following night and dinner was really late, so we picked up pizza. Normally I would feel bad, but I don't recall having pizza since late November. I could check the MFP records, but I'm feeling too lazy, so let's agree on November.

I had my first training session with the new trainer and it was great! He's got a sense of humor and I don't feel like he's judging every word that comes out of my mouth, or doing sales pitches for supplements! He mainly had me doing core work, which is what I had wanted our other trainer to do. Saturday and Sunday I was in a great deal of pain from being so sore, and today I still am in a couple of spots. I had told him I had missed that feeling, up until that feeling was back! Now we have the fun part of paying for more sessions with him though. I swear I need a part-time job just to be able to afford it.

Previously Lost Body Parts

I almost completely forgot: last week I noticed I can feel the bone right below my knee cap! I have no idea what the bone is to word that a little more eloquently, but whatever. So yeah, all week I've been bending and unbending my leg just so I can feel it. I've also noticed for a couple weeks that my neck/upper chest area has thinned down a bit and while I can't quite see my collarbones, I can feel more than I did!

192.4 - 67.4 pounds to go!

That weigh-in was a pleasant surprise! Maybe getting up and moving is the key point I need to remember if I want the scale to move more than a pound at a time. I made sure to walk every day on my lunch hour, doing my little stints of jogging. Then we met with our new trainer on Friday and did a workout then. All week I noticed I was much more hungry, which was a good sign! I continued jogging during my walk at work, but conquered my fear of running on the treadmill at the gym! So now that I know I can do it, I may give it a break for a bit as it drove my heart rate a bit too high.

I met with my doctor on Tuesday to have my blood pressure medication re-evaluated. I've been really bad at taking them and figured I should probably go see her rather than potentially hurting myself. The wonderful news was that I no longer need them! The nurse checked me initially and got a reading of 127/72. After talking with my doctor for a bit, she decided to take a reading as well and it had spiked to 148/76. So while the top number wasn't great, she said the bottom number was and I'm in no danger of stroking out or anything! That was such a wonderful, wonderful feeling. I used to dread the doctor's office so bad because it was always high. I think when I initially got put on them, I was about this weight, but I was around 150-160/110. But now, so long Ziac! I hope to not see you for a very, very long time, if ever again!

The new trainer feels like a great match, I'm just not sure how we'll be able to afford seeing him twice per week  (once for both of us) at $70 a session. Doing the math, that's more than my house payment per month! But he did seem to approach things a bit differently than our last trainer, which is good. He also seemed to be on the same page as me when it comes to nutrition. I laughed when he mentioned watching sodium levels on food because I already drive the husband crazy. But he had some good info, like using whole cooked chicken/turkey in place of lunch meat (which means we'll use chicken/turkey breasts otherwise we would waste it.) He also explained the whole "breakfast is the most important meal of the day" thing. Our bodies fast throughout the night since we're not eating, which means it is breaking down muscle to feed itself. Come morning, we need to feed our body to tell it "you're being fed now - stop breaking down muscle please!" He explained that it's also important to eat carbs at breakfast, as they are a source of energy and will digest more quickly than, say, protein (though there are slower burning carbs like oatmeal.) Kinda neat though, huh? I thought so.

Oh yeah! 7.4 pounds to go before I'm halfway home! It's all downhill from there, right?!

.29 miles

.29 miles - that's the distance I can job. If you want to get technical, it's even less than that - .13 and .16 miles. I decided I wanted to clock the distance yesterday while out for my lunch walk/job around campus, and that was the app I used told me. Today I struggled with it, and probably only hit .28. I fought, I told myself not to give in to the pain, to picture myself heading toward a goal line. I just couldn't do it though. Maybe it's the seasonably warm weather (76 degrees with a real feel of 83 degrees), or that this was the third day in a row, but eventually I'll get there. Half a mile is my new goal. It doesn't even half to be all at once - interval training is quite the thing! Just as long as it's half a mile. Maybe in two months. Or three.

194.8 - 69.8 pounds to go!

I've officially hit the 50 pound mark, and I still cannot much of a difference when I look at progress pics/myself in the mirror. Sure, I wear smaller clothing, I can feel my hip bones when I lay down (which I always find myself feeling as though I have a growth, lol), the scale says a smaller number and people say they see a big difference, but to me, it's just not a big difference. Not a 50 pound difference. Not a you-lost-a-small-child difference. And definitely not a you've-lost-20%-of-your-starting-weight difference. I know, I probably come across as whiny and needy. I'm trying not to, believe me. Fifty pounds is a lot! I've tried to lift it at the gym and I struggle. That's two big buckets of kitty litter (I struggle carrying one!) I just don't "feel it." I have more energy, I am stronger than I thought, I can do more than I gave myself credit for, I can walk/bike faster, I can jog!!! But I guess my struggle is that I still look down and see this big ole flabby gut hanging down and it doesn't feel like it's gone down at all. It has obviously, because I can fit into smaller pants, but it seems to be taking it's sweet time. 


I'll stop whining now and mention some highlights from the last couple weeks. Last week, I decided to hit up Fashion Bug because they had a great deal on dress pants (never mind that the fit I get means upping 2 pant sizes, grrr, why make them that way?!) While looking around, a woman decided to strike up a conversation with me about her whole life story. During that though, she held up a shirt asking my opinion and said "this is a 3X though, it won't fit you. What are you, like a 1X?" OMG! I almost wanted to hug her, aside from that fact that I would come across crazier than her. I wish I could tell like so many others can!


Thursday, March 15, I jogged! Like really, really jogged! Thanks to my nutritionist, I got up the nerve to just try it. Granted I didn't take her advice in picturing a paper blowing away from me, or something chasing me, but I figured outside of the gym would be the least anxiety provoking. It wasn't far by any means, nor fast, but I hadn't jogged sine probably 1996. I was still anxious, and kept checking over my shoulder before I started, but the feeling of accomplishment soon took over. And today I jogged a little bit further! Maybe soon I'll be up to half a mile!

Tomorrow I go to the doctor's to see what my BP is like off of meds. I haven't taken them in quite a while, so I figured I need to see what it's like without rather than assuming it's okay, and maybe get a lower dosage (I hope!) Plus, it will be my first visit since 2002 where the scale will read under 200! That's the most exciting part! The assistant normally puts it at 150 first and then slides the top part over, and I always wanted to tell her "who are you kidding? I'm well over 200!" But now I won't have to! YAY!

And here's this update that I hadn't done in quite a long time!


Current Weight: 194.8 pounds 
Current BMI: 35.63 
Pounds Lost: 50.2
BMI Lost: 8.01 
Pounds to Meet Mini-Goal #3 (175):  19.8
Pounds until BMI is 'very overweight' instead of 'severely obese' (191.2): 3.6 pounds

196.2 - 71.2 pounds to go!

Ah, sodium, how I loathe thee. I feel like I will never get a grasp on eating less than 2,000 mg of sodium per day. Of course, I was blessed with being kind of sensitive to excess sodium, so anything over about 2,000 mg equals water retention. The husband, yeah, not so much. He saw a gain this week as well but that's because we caved and ate at our super fantastical favorite restaurant (a Japanese steakhouse) which threw us over by quite a bit. Even days we cook at home I tend to get really close to the daily recommended value of 2,500 mg. Guess I'll have something new to research.

My meeting with the nutritionist went pretty well. I'm obviously a bit flustered that I've only lost about 5 pounds since I saw her four weeks ago, but she's always right there to reassure me that I'm exactly where I need to be and it was a loss nonetheless. She also reminded me that just because we are super duper busy with classes, homework, exams, house stuff, life in general, and cannot get to the gym, we can always *walk outside!* Thankfully we're not the only ones who get tunnel-vision and think "gym or nothing" when it comes to exercising. As she pointed out, we started eating better and we joined a gym, at the same time, so we naturally equate the two. Just seems a bit silly that I would forget in my opinion. I literally had just looked at my stationary bike the day before and thought to myself, "Duh! Ride the bike when you can, dummy!" We also chatted about my inability to accept how much I have lost thus far. To me, 50 pounds just doesn't feel like a lot. For someone who only have a little bit to lose, sure! But I still have 70+ pounds to go, another 50 at the very least. I still don't see much of a difference. In fact, while we were away for the weekend, I wore a new pair of pajama bottoms and was admiring that they fit. And what did I end up saying? "Huh, I look skinnier...there's clearly something wrong with this mirror." lol

So, the weekend went pretty dismally as far as food goes. We were in Traverse City for our niece's 2nd birthday, which meant eating out for almost every meal, eating birthday cake, trying to behave but still going over. I think it balanced out with being under the day we came back home, but again, the sodium. /shakes fist vigorously!

This week I'm going to try and work on my sodium intake. I really wish food manufacturers would realize how bad it is and cut back. I'm also going to go for walks at work, at the very least, since the weather is supposed to be in the 60's all week! Yay for a *very* mild winter and the onset of spring!

Oh, and measurements/pictures are a couple weeks late thanks to our busy schedule. Hopefully that just means more of a difference!