206.0 - 81 pounds to go!

The 200 mark is looming in sight! The closer I get to it, the more impatient I become!

For the holiday get together at my parents house, I wore my size "20" jeans from Target. I say "20" because they are the same width as some 18's I have bought, but they fight a lot tighter. I was proud to finally be able to zip them and wear them, but they were uncomfortable really fast. I just bought some a pair of 18's and 16's from Old Navy yesterday while on a shopping spree with my niece and the 18's fit perfectly! It was a very strange feeling to enjoy clothes shopping, though it ended quickly as we went into more stores and the large variance in sizes started showing up. I'm still proud of the new clothes I bought and can wear, but it would be nice if all of the store sizes were universal.

I did really well at both of our holiday parties this last weekend, though I went way over on sodium both days and I think that skewed my weigh-in a bit. I am so sick of sodium I could scream. I know if the scale reads higher due to excess water from too much salt that it's just going to come off, but I hate messing up a weekly weigh-in because of it. I also got through packaging up all of the truffles and cookies for people without sampling more than a truffle (and considering how heavenly they are, that's impressive!)

For my own future reference, here is a list of everything I made this year:
Chocolate chocolate-chunk muffins
No bake cookies
Oatmeal peanut butter chocolate chunk cookies
Mint chocolate chip cookies
Double chocolate cookies
Peanut butter blossoms
Cherry chocolate blossoms
Chocolate mint blossoms
Chocolate thumbprint cookies
Peanut butter cup cookies
Coconut macaroons
Oatmeal scotchies
Classic shortbread cookies
Rolo pretzel bites
Peanut butter M&M pretzel bites
Hockey pucks (Ritz cookies)
Peppermint bark
Oreo truffles
Mint oreo truffles
Peanut butter pretzel truffles
Coconut truffles (Mounds)
Butterfinger truffles

207.4 - 82.4 pounds to go!

Completely forgot to post my weigh-in with all the hustle and bustle for the upcoming holiday. I normally post while at work, but with the looming winter close down, everyone is feeling lazy and chatty. At this point, we've made it through most of our holiday parties and have managed to lose weight after all of them, which is wonderful! Now to just finish my baking frenzy and get through packaging all the goodies without sampling too many!

209.8 - 84.8 pounds to go!

I'd love to say I'm officially out of the 210's, but next weigh-in is the one that I know will go up a pound, so I don't want to get too excited just yet. But, I could not have been any more happy that the scale moved for yesterday's weigh-in, especially since this last weekend was my in-law's holiday get-together. We were really bad on our sodium all week, especially while out of town, and Friday was basically a grazing day with all the holiday food, so I was kind of expecting the worst. I also ate quite a few cookies on two different nights last week. For as many as I was baking, I could have done a lot worse I guess. I was doing really, really well in the beginning but I think I was hungry both times I sampled a few too many. And now I have a bunch of cookies for me thanks to the cookie swap and gifts from the in-laws. Thankfully they are all frozen, so I can eat them very sparingly over the next few months!

Our trip to see the husband's family went really well and several people commented about how good we look, which is so nice to hear when you feel like there is no difference. I know the scale is moving, so I am sure there are changes, but it's hard to tell. But, I went to Kohl's while we were visiting and I bought two new pairs of pants in a size 18! I was pleasantly shocked since the pair of 20's from Target still barely fit. When I compared the two, the 18's are actually about an inch smaller. Go figure. Either way, I'm looking forward to watching them become loose!

Last week I saw my doctor to get a yearly review of how things have been going. She didn't really do a review unfortunately, and according to their scale, I had only lost 1 more pound since seeing her in November. According to my info, I lost 4, but either way it left much to be desired. I mentioned to her that I gained like I always do around the middle of the month and then gained again 2 weeks later but her response was less than stellar: "now that you've lost a bit, you'll probably slow down to 1-2 pounds per month." In my opinion, that just doesn't seem right: 35 pounds down with 85 to go and I'm going to slow down?! Not if I can help it! I can see if I only had 30 to go, but not 85!

I have three more holiday parties to get through, one of which is mine and the other might not have much food, so I'm in the home stretch! Here's hoping I can get back to losing 2 pounds a week!

212.4 - 87.4 pounds to go!

These last few weigh-ins have been really frustrating. The husband also gained about half a pound this week, so maybe it's increased muscle from the balance class we took early Friday? I really have no idea how long it takes for muscle to build. It's just odd that he and I gain and lose together (minus the ~1 pound gain I have everything month) which leads me to believe it's not overeating. We both eat different things for the most part, and we both vary everyday on whether or not we are over or under by a little bit. So the only reason I can come up with for weeks like this is sodium, muscle gain, or gremlins. Whatever it is though, I'd like it to go away! I had high hopes of hitting 200 on New Year's Day and I think after hovering around 212-213 for 3 weeks, it's pretty much not going to happen.

As I mentioned above, we did a sample balance class on Friday morning. We were the only two in the class, which may have been a good thing. It was a mix of things like squats and should-tap pushups with Bosu ball exercises. I'm still pretty sore even today in the upper chest and lower abs, but it's nothing compared to the last class we tried! I'm really hoping they schedule this class a little later than the sample (8 am!) so that we can take it every week! If the scale is going to be mean and not move, I at least want to tone up some more.

Yesterday was also measurements and photo day. I finally noticed some differences in my photos. One of the rolls on my back (god, that's awful to type) is smoothing out and my upper arms don't look like cottage cheese anymore. I also take a picture wearing a pair of size 20 jeans from Target and an XL shirt and I noticed the gap between the button and clasp is slowly getting smaller! I was able to get them on one day last week by laying down on the bed and they didn't feel too bad once I stood up, but I figured I would wait until I can properly button and zip them. Compared to a couple months ago, I've only got about an inch to go!

Here are the measurements from 8/21/11 and 12/4/11:
Neck: 16"  /  14.5"
Bicep: 15"  /  14.25"
Chest: 49"  /  46.5"
Waist: 49"  /  46.25"
Hips: 50"  /  47.75"
Thigh: 26"  /  23.25
Calf: 17.25"  /  16.75

That's a total of 13" since August 21 and 4" more than the last measurement tally!

Another Post On How My Journey Began

Today I've realized I'm really glad I'm on this journey and that it's been so easy for me thus far because things could have turned out much differently.

Over the summer, probably around June or July, the husband and I were taking a walk. It was a cool night (the only reason I wanted to go) but by the end of the .74 miles we were hot and exhausted. During the walk, I revealed that I was sick of being overweight. It's not something we talked about much in our household growing up, and that carried over into my own household. I criticized our lifestyles and scoffed at our inability to walk less than a mile without hurting and becoming so winded. And I mentioned having serious considerations about lap-band surgery. I had recently watched a friend go through it and as hard as it was for her the first few weeks, it was nothing compared to my mom's ordeal. It was something that would keep my mouth from eating too much or I would suffer the consequences. Husband decided he was on board with it also and told me to call our doctor's office and schedule an appointment to get the ball rolling. Something that was just an idea rolling around in my head had suddenly become very real. So I spent hours researching it, scaring myself to death. Did I really want to survive on a liquid diet for several weeks? To cause myself to be ill if I ate too much? I've never had surgery and I have a huge fear of dying (so huge I've had panic attacks.) That risk really worried me. Was I really okay with putting my life in someone's hands just to be thin? They also wanted to know what types of things were done beforehand in an effort to lose weight. I had done nothing! And then there it was: they wanted adherence to a diet before surgery that would result in weight loss. I can't find now where I was looking, and it may have only been 10 pounds or so, but I remember thinking "if I have to diet to lose weight before the surgery, why have the surgery?"

I vaguely remember my mom going in for Roux en-Y gastric bypass surgery (it's been at least 15 years). But more vividly, I recall her not being able to go upstairs, her inability to eat more than a couple tablespoons without being sick, the restrictive diet that she's since gotten around. After all that struggle, all those times she'd sit miserably, clutching her stomach, telling us how she ate too fast or ate too much or even ate the wrong thing, she's gained it all back. Sure, she might be down a little bit from her starting weight but she has a bunch of loose skin now so it's hard to tell. And on my journey, I've just come to realize how little they taught her about proper nutrition, portion control, and exercise. Even though she ate barely anything in the beginning, her stomach pouch eventually expanded and with it, her appetite. I remember her getting up in the middle of the night because she was hungry, grabbing snack cakes by the handful and taking them back upstairs with her. Nothing about that surgery made her re-evaluate how she ate or lived. She didn't stop buying junk food or take walks or join the local community center. Nothing set her up for continued success. The weight was coming off regardless of what she did or didn't do, so there was no need to change for the long-term.

When I logged into MyFitnessPal this morning and noticed one of my friends posting about how excited she was to be back down to her pre-Thanksgiving weight, everything sort of hit me. I realized I should be hugely thankful to weigh less than I did on Thanksgiving. It was the holiday weekend and I lost 2.6 pounds. I didn't have to worry about eating and making myself sick (something my mother still does on holidays), or eating the wrong foods, or not chewing enough.

So today I am thankful for my journey. I've learned to eat properly, to take care of myself, and to listen to my body for signs of hunger or satiation. Even on days when a weigh-in doesn't go as planned, or I feel like eating something that will set me over on calories for the day, I never feel like giving up. I'm thankful I have much more self-determination than I ever gave myself credit for.

212.0 - 87.0 pounds to go

I'm a bit disappointed in today's weigh-in. Being as last week was a gain, I figured this week would follow the usual trend of being a really good weigh-in. I'm glad it was a loss, I just feel like I lost a week. My only hope is that I am retaining water from all the sodium in the pizza we ate last night at a birthday party. It's a stretch, but I'm hoping. I meet with my doctor again in just over a week to go over how much I've lost this year and my goal was to hit the 35 pound mark, so I think I need to step it up.

Thanksgiving went okay but I still overate. Halfway through I noticed I was comfortably full, but still kept stuffing my face. I didn't stuff myself silly but I went beyond what I should have. The day before I was under on calories by about 500, so I figured I was safe with the 500 calories I went over on Thanksgiving. Now to get through the in-law's Thanksgiving/Xmas party in 2 weeks.

On the plus side, we went shopping on Black Friday and I decided to attempt to meet the nutritionist's goal early (of buying a new pair of black pants.) I've been terrified of trying on pants for fear that the size would only go down by one. I ended up taking in a size 20 and a 22, figuring the 20's would be tight like the ones I have from Target. Amazingly, they fit! I didn't even try on the 22's because the others fit well enough it seemed silly. I didn't buy them since they were so long, but it was a great feeling!

214.6 - 89.6 pounds to go

I can't even begin to explain how angry I was at yesterday's weigh-in. We had so much sodium throughout the week and I am normally on top of things come the weekend. I know to watch the salt 2-3 days before weigh-in, but no, we still went over. The most aggravating part to accept is that it was my monthly weigh-in day. Any other week if the scale went up almost a pound, I'd suck it up and look forward to the next weigh-in. This time I was excited though. This time I just needed to lose .8 pounds to hit the 213 mark and be on track.

I was partly tempted to wait to record my weight until today or tomorrow, knowing the salt killed the weigh-in, but I decided to not play around with the rules. Today I jumped on the scale though, as I do almost every day, and I was at 213.2. So, either I only lost .4 pounds, or I am still retaining water (and being as Saturday I went over, and last night was close, I am betting the latter.)

Sodium is Evil

I am so anxious about this week's weigh-in. Not only do I want to lose weight (obviously) but it's also my monthly goal weigh-in, which I really want to meet. At last week's weigh-in, I thought I had it easily met, if not exceeded, since I was only .8 pounds over the goal. I figured that's less that a pound, I got this! But this week has been pretty bad in terms of sodium as far as I can tell. Almost every day has been really close to the daily limit, if not a couple hundred over on a couple days. So all week when I've stepped on the scale, it has read at least 2 pounds more than my weigh-in weight from Sunday. Consistently, all week. So while I keep telling myself "just drink lots of water, watch your sodium these last couple days, it'll be fine..." I can't help but worry the scale is not going to be kind to me Sunday. Logically, I know it has to be water retention, because there is no way I have eaten 7000 extra calories to justify a 2 pound gain.

On a better note though, I have been jogging up the stairs at work every hour like the nutritionist wanted me to do. Thankfully, a co-worker offered to go with me, and then another, so we have a little gang of three. It's really hard to log as exercise though. We do two reps per hour (one rep is 2 flights up, 2 flights down, 2 walks down the hall) and normally go at least 6-7 times per day. For as out of breath as I am from the start, and as frequently as we go, it has to be a good burn of calories. Or at least I hope it is! If I weren't going that, I wouldn't be getting any exercise at the moment, because the sun setting so much sooner has really had an impact on our motivation to go to the gym. We somehow need to break that cycle!

213.8 - 88.8 pounds to go!

I was actually thinking this week's weigh-in would see a gain, since I was noticing a trend of gaining every 4 weeks was developing. So, seeing the scale go down was a pleasant surprise! Plus, this means I only have to lose a pound by next weigh-in to be on schedule for my monthly goal! I was thinking it would be difficult to achieve after being a week off last month and after having the flu a couple weeks ago. 

We've been completely slacking when it comes to the gym. Eating better is more natural, and we do that everyday, but with winter fast approaching and the sun setting so insanely early, we both kind of groan at the idea of working out. Somehow we need to get out of that slump because it's only going to get worse. If we could afford it, I would make appointments with the trainer every other day since that gets us there. Maybe as soon as I sell a kidney that can happen.

Last Monday I went to see my doctor and she informed me that I had lost 10 pounds since I had seen her the month before. It's little reminders like that that make me happy. I hadn't even noticed since I focus on the weekly numbers. She was so proud it really made my day. So next month I am going back to have another blood profile done and to do a yearly weight review. 

I saw the nutritionist on Friday and that went well also. Since the last time I had seen her (October 21), I lost another 8 pounds. To be fair, the flu hit in the middle there but nice to know it's not really 1.5 pounds every week like it sometimes feels. We also discussed how crazy I am going about the holidays. We have Thanksgiving in a couple weeks, then the husband's side is doing a holiday party 2 weeks later, then 2 weeks after that is xmas. Having something big like that every 2 weeks scares me. The dishes I am making feel like a safety net: I know what's going in them and I can plan ahead by inputting the recipes. So we discussed what I had already planned on: eating 1/2 a cup or less of certain dishes. I don't have to eat everything, nor do I have to eat lots. And if I eat breakfast, lunch and snacks like I've been doing, I won't be ravenous come dinner like I was in the past and I won't pile my plate with mounds of food. I just hope I can follow-through with that. I also plan on getting in a good workout before heading to his family's party and taking a walk at some point should the weather permit. I have to say, it felt really weird to book a hotel room only after making sure they had an exercise room. And it couldn't just be any old exercise room, I had to make sure it looked like it had a few options and it had to have an elliptical! That machine and I have a very strong love-hate relationship!

Measurements and Photo Day

Yet again, I was disappointed by our pictures and measurements today. At just under 30 pounds lost, I still can't see a difference in the photos. I guess if I really squint, I can kind of tell my double chin is a little smaller, but otherwise the changes are too subtle to notice just yet. I'm thankful for all the people saying they can tell, including our hairdresser who hadn't seen us for 5 weeks. Which on that note, my crazy (literally) mother has been telling people that I am "unrecognizable." Part of me wonders if in her head I really am, or if she is trying to sabotage me. My hairdresser had just seen my mother 5 minutes before we got there and she had informed him "you won't even recognize her she's lost so much." As politely as he could, he said "I can tell you've lost weight, but unrecognizable? I knew who you were!" At the time, I just laughed it off as she's been telling others the same thing, including a friend of hers who said "according to your mom, you've lost like 50 pounds and then I saw you post to FB that you lost 20 pounds." Now I'm wondering why she would say such things. Am I supposed to be embarrassed I haven't lost that much? Is she really just trying to lie and brag to people to make herself look good (as the mother of someone who's lost so much, and probably the correct answer.)

Anyway, enough about that. Here are the measurements from 8/21/11, 9/16/11, 10/9/11 and 11/6/11:
Neck: 16" / 15" / 15.25" / 15.5"
Bicep: 15" / 15" / 15" / 14.5"
Chest: 49" / 48.5" / 47.5" / 46.5"
Waist: 49" / 48" / 48" / 47.5"
Hips: 50" / 50" / 50.5" / 49.5"
Thigh: 26" / 24.75" / 24.5" / 24"
Calf: 17.25" / 17" / 16.75" / 17.5"

In the bigger picture, I have to focus on the fact that I have lost 9" since 8/21/11 (as long as both thighs, biceps and calves have lost/gained the same inches.) Nine inches in 11 weeks isn't too shabby, right?

216.4 - 91.4 pounds to go!

So happy with today's weigh-in! Last week when I had the flu, the scale hit the 216's and I figured once I started eating and drinking again, it would definitely shoot back up. It did and how today's weigh-in was so good, I'll never know. Throughout the week the scale was saying around 218 pretty consistently which bummed me out. While I was sick and knew the numbers were reflecting that, I really liked seeing 216, so I am super excited it came back!

I looked back at an old paper I wrote for a behavioral psych class in 2002 in which we did a behavioral modification. I chose to focus on myself and incorporate a healthier diet and began drinking water for probably the first time in my life. (I lived in a schoolhouse built in the 1870's and our well meant really smelly water.) While I don't have many records of my weight throughout my life, I do know that in January 2002, I wrote that I weighed 218 pounds. To be at a number I haven't seen in 9 years is crazy! For the experiment, I ended up losing 19 pounds in 12 weeks. Considering I lose an average of 1.5 pounds per week, I might not beat that number, but I sure am going to try!


Current Weight: 216.4 pounds
Current BMI: 39.58
BMI Lost: 4.06
Pounds Lost: 28.6
Pounds to Meet Mini-Goal #2: 16.4
Pounds until BMI is 'very overweight' instead of 'severely obese' (191): 25.4 pounds

219.8 - 94.8 pounds to go!

I'm a wee bit late in posting this week thanks to a bout of the flu! Ugh! Sunday and Monday were horrible but today I feel a lot better. I just have to make sure I drink plenty of water because I wasn't the last few days. I ended up with dark purple shadows around my eyes and according to a co-worker, that was a sign of dehydration. We thought it was a sign of malnutrition, but either way, time to rebound!

So Sunday's weigh-in wasn't a huge loss, but a pound is still good. This week I am hoping for a better number being as I ate so little. My weight since the weigh-in has gone down into the high 216's, which was nice to see but I know won't stick. I think at the moment, my body is retaining water from being dehydrated anyway, but a loss should still be in the cards.

This week I go for my first "regular" personal training session. I'm mixed on how I feel about this. The trainer I had met with kept texting me like once a month. She had recently told me about her new idea to do half sessions (at half the price obviously) for those who didn't have the time/money for full sessions. I had said I was interested, but in that polite "no thanks" kind of way. Last week she caught me at the gym though and asked if I wanted to meet with her with time to discuss things. For some reason, I kind of expected to do some training and then talk. Wrong! Instead we set up a bunch of sessions. So on one hand I like that I'll meet with her and learn new things to keep me going and feel challenged, but on the other hand I feel like I was cornered into spending money we didn't have on something we can do without. Hopefully the latter changes and it's well worth our money I guess.

221.0 - 96 pounds to go!

Not too shabby of a weigh-in! I'm a bit concerned about being behind for my monthly weigh-in goals, but progress is progress.

My meeting with the nutritionist went well. She said I've lost 14 pounds since I first met with her, but I think I gave her a different number (i.e. my weight from the doctor's office, which would have been higher.) Either way though, she seemed happy! We modified my meal plan a little bit so that I'm not as hungry come 3:00 - 4:00 p.m. (hopefully!)

It would be nice to get to a point where we don't have "bad" days. We always worry about how the weigh-in will turn out because we eat at restaurants a couple/few nights a week or we indulge or we don't watch our sodium intake. And I am noticing more and more than when I do make a bad choice, I tell myself it's okay because you have to indulge once in a while. Once in a while is fine, but it shouldn't be a couple-times-a-week motto! Must curb that!

224.8 - 99.8 pounds to go

I'm a bit late posting this week. Good grief!

Sunday's weigh-in wasn't a surprise thanks to our new scale - completely water retention. So last week was horrible in terms of working out thanks to being sick, and this week wasn't so great either. I don't think we ate so well the whole time either, though we are learning that even bad choices now aren't as bad as they used to be, and we are mindful of how much we eat if it is a bad choice.

I'm hoping this week's weigh-in will be a bit better. So far, according to the scale, I'm back down to about 223. Maybe with a couple more workouts and eating a better over the weekend will result in a loss!

The Elliptical Was My Bitch

Last night when we left the gym, I was angry at myself. I rode the elliptical for 7 minutes as my warm-up before strength training and I was so tired. The longest I had ever gone on one was 15 minutes and it took all I had (imo anyway.) So leaving last night, I swore, "Someday, I'm gonna own that damn thing." Not own as in purchase, but ya know, more like defeat it. But I just could not use the elliptical.

Tonight, that changed! I went in thinking I would only ride it for 20 minutes. The husband had said he was aiming for an hour and I thought he was crazy. But slowly, the minutes climbed and I thought "if I can physically still push down on these steps, I can keep going." And keep going I did!

It should have been a nice round number, but half way through I decided to listen to music instead of watch TV. Dummy me, however, had the phone leaning against the "cool down" button so as I was doing something, I hit it. I about cried. I knew I was aiming for another 25+ minutes so I could take a picture. I had it all planned out in my head, and even considered trying to be in the shot. Instead, all I could do was prey that I could keep increasing the cool down minutes (to over 30!) and guess at how long it had been. Either way though, I'm proud. I set out to defeat that machine, and I think I did just that!

223.8 - 98.8 pounds to go!

Less than 100 pounds to go! WOOHOO!

Last week I was a bit worried. I started out the week craving so much food. We ate out a few times right off the bat simply because we were lazy (er, I was lazy, he was sick). Husband stayed home *all* week due to being sick, which I caught by Tues., which also meant no gym. Yup, zero trips! I remember on Sunday evening, as he was feeling cruddy from the cold just kicking in, we settled on pizza and a movie. I knew it was wrong, that it was a lot of calories, that I should only eat maybe 2 slices of pizza and 1 bread stick, but I just couldn't help myself. 3 pieces and 3 pieces of Crazy Bread later, I didn't regret my choices at all! If anything, I wanted more! >.< Come Tuesday, I ate the leftovers. I had a horrible doctor's appointment that was excruciatingly painful. So what did I do, I ran to food for comfort. /sigh

Add to that the trip to a Mexican restaurant where our fav. waiter changed to and who always gives us free dessert. We tried to eat relatively well. I chose fajitas again, which I never eat more than maybe a third of, and husband chose some steak thing. He had looked up the cals, added it to his journal, specified for the waiter which dish it was and he still got the wrong one (one that was WAY higher in cals). We're both too nice to have pointed out the mistake, esp. since the waiter is someone who we've requested for over 2 years now. But to drive the sword in even further, he brought us this huge brownie sundae. Omg, it was incredible! (It probably wasn't, but we don't eat dessert very often anymore, so it was!) Yeah, see what kind of a week we are talking about now?

We got better as the week went on. The colds let us, we ate at home, we kept checking the scale throughout the week to make sure things were okay. And while on one hand I keep thinking "don't you dare step on that scale other than weigh-in day!" I kind of think checking a couple/few times is good. It's good to know the difference between morning pre-food/dehydrated weight and end of the day post-food/hydrated weight. And it's good to catch things before they are out of hand. While I hope it doesn't happen, if I were gaining weight, I would want to catch it as early as possible to fix things.

We took pictures and measurements yesterday and decided to make them coincide. It'll be much easier looking back to say "I weighed X in that photo" if it's on the same day as a weigh-in rather than in-between. I was a bit disappointed that after combing over both photos and trying to spot differences, I saw none. I could tell the husband's double chin is getting smaller, but nothing for me. It might be too early, as he said, I was just hoping 20 pounds would show somewhere.

The new measurements didn't help much either. I think the hard part there is that it's hard to measure in the exact same place. I have freckles/moles I use as landmarks for certain ones, but not all. So while some measurements were down, others increased, which made no sense. I know, like he pointed out, that it could just be that he pulled the tape measure too tight last time, or it was in a different spot, but darn it, they better come down!

Current Weight: 223.8 pounds
Current BMI: 40.93
BMI Lost: 3.87
Pounds Lost: 21.2
Pounds to Meet Mini-Goal #2: 23.8
Pounds until BMI is 'obese' instead of 'morbidly obese' (218): 5.8 pounds

New Goals!

I didn't think about this at the start, but now that I've actually exceeded my first mini goal, I realize I need to plan out some others! So, I'm going to write down not only some mini goals, but also a monthly progress chart. I remembered yesterday that the head trainer at the gym had asked how much I wanted to lose, and I think I said 100 or so. It should have been more, but I know the chart he made was for 100 pounds in a year. I scoffed at him like he was insane - I know not to set myself up for failure and look long-term like that! I know there will be set backs! But yesterday I created a little table to plot out 3 month "goals" to meet that 100 pounds in a year and  what do ya know, I'm actually on track so far! So, I'm  going to include those monthly goals as well, realizing full well that esp. with the holidays approaching (ugh!) there *will* be setbacks. There just will....

Mini Goal #1: 225 - Met 10/09/11

Mini Goal #2: 200

Mini Goal #3: 175

Mini Goal #4: 150

Ultimate Goal: 125

Monthly Goals / Recorded Weight: 

09/18/11: 230.0 / 230.6

10/16/11: 221.5 / 224.8

11/20/11: 213.0

12/18/11: 205.0

01/15/12: 196.5

02/19/12: 188.0

03/18/12: 180.0

04/15/12: 172.0

05/20/12: 163.0

06/17/12: 155.0

07/15/12: 146.5

08/19/12: 138.0

227.0 - 102 pounds to go!

Not a great week, but not as bad of a week as I had predicted. We keep saying we won't step on the scale before weigh-in but come Wednesday or so, we break down and do it anyway. All last week the scale was inching up, not down, which set the tone for the week (which is why I keep saying I won't peek!) Best as I can tell from the food log, it was most likely due to high sodium. We were doing really well with not eating out but we've gotten lazy again. On the plus side though, we are making better choices when we do go out! I don't know what I would do without a smart phone. Before I even order I start checking the MyFitnessPal database to see what dishes are reasonable.

I met with the nutritionist on Friday to review how things have been progressing. My recorded weight when I met with her the first time was 234 (which I think is what the doctor visit that day recorded, which was a little high) and Friday it was 228.5. Not too bad I guess. She made some suggestions based on what I've been eating, mainly that I need to watch sodium and that I can split my snacks up into smaller snacks if need be. She also suggested that we start doing less strength training and more cardio, which I do not plan on doing. Her point was that cardio will burn the fat faster, but building muscle will burn more calories and help tone as I lose the weight. She also wants me to start getting up every hour while at work and walking around the building, as well as going on a walk at lunch. I know both are great ideas, I will just have to get over being anxious. The building doesn't bother me so much, but walking at lunch will probably be a solo venture. I have a walking buddy right now if I want, but she will soon be moving, and others that walk have buddies and they go much faster than I can. So, time to suck it up, put on some music, and go!

Hopefully this next weigh-in I'll meet my mini goal of 225!

227.8 - 102.8 pounds to go!

So clearly Sunday was a great day! I was really hoping that the scale would wiggle down to 227.6 so I could lose 3 pounds even, but oh well!

The bigger part of my week was the class we took at the gym on Friday. The sign for the class showed kettlebells, so I was a bit excited thinking we'd be getting to play around with those. HA! Not even close! Here's a list of the exercises we did (all done twice except stretches):

• circuit 1: jumping jacks, push-ups, planks
• circuit 2: pelvic thrusts, stiff leg lifts, shoulder touch push-ups, kneel to stand drills (or kneel stand kneel drills)
• circuit 3: long stride sprints, squat thrusts
• circuit 4: traffic cone leg/arm swaps (we basically put our left leg out and touched the cone in front of us with our left hand, then jumped and swapped to the other side), Bosu ball arm thrusts (quickly), stability ball arm squeezes
• stretching: hamstring stretches, forward arm circles, backward arm circles, arching side stretches, camel/cat stretches, butterfly stretch.

Everything was extremely difficult for us. The first jumping jacks were fine, and then it all went downhill. I could maybe do 3 modified push-ups, and I held the plank for maybe 10 seconds. Pelvic thrusts were fine even through the second set. The stiff leg lifts I had to modify. He wanted us to lift our legs up straight and alternately lower them down and back up. Instead, I bent at the knees and kicked straight out. The should touches were brutal! I can't stay in a push-up position, let alone on one hand as I slap a shoulder. Ugh! And the kneel to stand drills hurt my knees.

The sprints were difficult only in that he wanted us to run to a cone and back, then across the room and back in long strides. "To the cone should be 3 steps!" HA! I think I was taking like 6-7. In comparison to the squat thrusts though, it was easy. I could at least just run. The thrusts made me feel like a frog and all awkward.

Come stretching time, I suddenly felt sick. I remember giggling during the arm circles as the instructor explained that in the military he was called "Giggles." He was telling us about a time when he challenged his instructor and I noticed my arms were super tired. We moved in to the arching side stretches and I recall feeling really tired. He came over as I put my arms down and forced me to stretch over toward my husband. I remember him explaining how it should arch like a bridge and made us into a bridge. And then I felt ill. The room was spinning, my eyes couldn't focus, I felt like I would be sick. I stood there, not sure of what to do. Was I going to puke? Could I walk to the bathroom? The sick feeling left but the urge to pass out was creeping up on me. Thankfully the instructor noticed and brought me a glucose tab while the others did some cat/camel stretches (of course, the one I really wanted to learn properly!) I felt a little better within a few minutes, enough to learn a lower back stretch (bend at the waist, hook fingers under toes or grab calves, alternately bend one knee at a time like walking in place). I felt sick for a good hour or so afterward.

Now the gym is asking us if we want to sign up for any of the classes on a regular basis and as time goes on, I think "we really should do something to push ourselves!" But being sore from Saturday through today makes me cringe at the thought of doing that class on a weekly basis.

Sunday Should Be A Good Day

So I peeked this morning at the scale, and yesterday morning as well. I had told myself it had to stop. Once a week, that's it! But this morning was a pleasant surprise - 238.0! This leads me to question Sunday's weigh-in. Did I really gain a pound? Was it water weight? Did taking a couple days off help somehow? Which let me tell you, two consecutive days off from the gym is BAD! I mean, it was good, but it made going back really hard. After just two days, I was tired and wanted to nap again after getting home. Once we were there though, even with my back hurting all day, it was easy to get going. I don't care for cardio days so much, but strength training days are almost fun! There are so many options, and once you start to get tired you just go swap to a different set of muscles. I get intimidated when there are lots of people and trainers in that area, but maybe soon I'll get over that.

230.6 - Not Out of the 230's Yet

Yesterday's weigh-in was such a disappointment. I worked hard all week, I ate under 1550 calories ALL week, we were even good when we went to a family pot luck. People are telling me (and I know) it's probably just muscle, as evidenced by the decreased inches, but it's still a bummer. When you work that hard and stay that focused and disciplined, you hope to be rewarded with something you can see. Even though it was a disappointment, I'm sticking with it. So here's to a new week!

8/18/11 & 9/16/11 measurements:
neck: 16" / 15"
bicep: 15" / 15"
chest: 49" / 48.5"
waist: 49" / 48"
hips: 50" / 50"
thigh: 26" / 24.75"
calf: 17.25" / 17"

Gym Fears

I have no idea what my deal was yesterday. Being as it was strength training day, I was looking forward to going to the gym for most of the day. A couple hours beforehand, I started to just feel mopey. I wanted to go home and lay on the couch, all evening. No exercise, no strength training, just couch. We still went, of course. Then the issue quickly became that it was bloody busy as hell in there. We parked and knew it was crowded and I repeated out loud that I had every right to be there, more in fact since I have so much to lose!

While doing squats, the head trainer corrected me on my foot positioning. No big deal and it helped cause the way I was doing it made my knees hurt! But then I noticed my trainer, exactly where I needed to be. Ugh! I know from training with her that she watches people. And having had the head trainer correct me, coupled with doing new things on my own that she never showed me, I was mortified. I ended up skipping a few exercises all out of sheer fear and embarrassment.

Heading home, I was disappointed in myself. I was angry we went and I didn't do as much as I wanted, and we were going to be eating late as usual. The prospect of waking up at 5am to go workout first does not appeal to me though. Maybe someday I will change my mind, but at the moment, no way!

I'm also dreading the inevitable S.A.D. that is coming up. The days are getting shorter and colder. I can just feel it deep down, clawing to get out. I desperately hope the husband has motivation to get me out the door. Now is when I really wish I had some followers for support later on. Or that I could live on the other side of the globe in a few months!

229.5 - 104.5 pounds to go!

Officially under 230! YAY!

I've been really bad about posting lately due to having a week off of work and my computer at home being off and pushed aside. I really should look into an app that will let me post via my phone.

The gym has been fun. I never thought I would say that! Strength training is by far my favorite day to workout. It's nice to get a group of muscles sore and then take a break to torture some other muscles. It breaks up the monotony and there's no chance of shin splints! I was so bummed the other day when my calves hurt for the first 40 min. of my workout on the treadmill. That pain is so excruciating.

Overall, even though I'm losing weight at a slower pace than I would like, especially considering the fact that I'm eating less and exercising at least 6 days a week, I feel more energetic! I've already warned my husband that while right now I am the motivator and always excited to go, things may change and he may need a fire under his bum to get us out the door. With winter coming, I pray this keeps up and S.A.D. won't be an issue, but time will tell I guess.

Current Weight: 229.5 pounds

Current BMI: 41.98

BMI Lost: 2.83

Pounds Lost: 15.5

Pounds to Meet Mini-Goal: 4.5

Pounds until BMI is 'obese' instead of 'morbidly obese' (218): 11.5 pounds

230.8 - 105.8 pounds to go!

So I'm not sure if the weigh-in on Sunday was correct or not. The first couple times I hopped on the scale, it read 232.2, exactly one pound less than last week's weigh-in. I got kind of mad at the fact that we've been working our butts off and it went down exactly one pound, to the tenth! So, I moved the scale about a foot over and got on again, and the scale flashed 230.8. I made sure to get on the scale probably 6 more times, and moved it back to the spot it was in, and it kept reading 230.8. Obviously this is a better number and I feel more rewarded, but this coming week it may mean a gain. So far this week, it feels like we've not made the best decisions. I ate too many calories on my birthday (cause, ya know, it was my birthday!!), then we ate pizza with the sis-in-law for Labor Day, and we've gone out a couple times since even though I swore we would get better at eating at home. And jumping on the scale prematurely has put me around 232. Ugh! I really just do not understand how I can go from being completely sedentary and eating poorly, not watching what I eat at all, to exercising 6-7 days a week, tracking calories and watching what I eat AND not losing every week. I just don't get it.

Gym Anxiety

A couple days ago I did my first strength training circuit without the trainer by my side. Huge anxiety levels! There were so many people there, and I had to keep taking out my sheet of paper that she wrote on, figuring out which machine to use and what to set it all at. I had to keep skipping over machines because they were in use, and then I skipped a couple due to not knowing what to do or forgetting. I was supposed to do push-ups but couldn't figure out how to place the weight bar in the same position it was in last week. Then in all my anxiety, I forgot to throw the medicine ball around. And at one point, I couldn't find either of the stability balls I needed. Then I noticed one off in a corner with no one by it, so I went and grabbed it only for some guy to suddenly walk up and say "I'm using that!" Ugh, then get your ass over here and use the damn thing! Like I was going to hog it, do you see me?! Do you really think I could walk off with it for like half an hour? Really?!

Tonight I have to do strength training again and I am so afraid of it being busy in there. I know it'll get easier as I learn the machines. Then I have to learn new machines, and on my own, which is even more frightening. But there is no way we can afford the trainer. Time to become an expert at strength training I guess!

233.2 - 108.2 pounds to go!

Current Weight: 233.2 pounds

Current BMI: 42.65

BMI Lost: 2.15

Pounds Lost: 11.8

Pounds to Meet Mini-Goal: 8.2

Pounds until BMI is 'obese' instead of 'morbidly obese' (218): 15.2 pounds

Gym: Day 2, and Compliments Are Nice

So day 2 at the gym was a bit better. I changed before we went, which meant just throwing my purse into a locker. No changing in a hurry, praying no one comes in. No trying to hurry while the husband waits. We also took my oldest niece along as she is staying with us for the next week and a half. I wasn't sure if she would want to, or if I wanted her to, but it all worked out pretty well. Her and I rode stationary bikes and talked while Matt walked on the treadmill before joining us.

Somehow, the bikes at the gym are so much different than mine at home. Mine has less resistance bands, which means at the gym that I have to set it at 5-6 to feel like a 2 on my home bike. So one would think it would be easier to do more/go farther on the gym bikes. Ugh, if only. Instead I log my activity and see that I've gone considerably slower, like 5 mph slower. It just makes no sense to me. But today my outer thighs are slightly sore, so I must have worked them more than normal.

I met my trainer by chance. She was talking to a woman by us, then came over and asked how things were going. I was immediately annoyed that I said "I'm dyin'" and her response was "no no, we don't say those words around here! you're not dying!" Well yes, woman, I understand in the literal sense that I am indeed living, and in fact prolonging my life, but as a matter of speech, I was tired, sweaty, and wishing I could stop. So my trainer is this very thin, blond woman from CA who overly perky, enthusiastic and positive. While I understand why my husband points out that they kind of have to be, I know that while I am pushing myself to the point of hurting, I don't want a cheerleader. Well, maybe I do, but I don't!

Today I told two co-workers about our new "changed lifestyle." Both were extremely supportive, of course. One offered some tips, which the gym employees had already covered: strength training first, then cardio. I was taken a bit off guard at the info he seemed to have learned from his friend, namely because he's lost weight via depression/starvation. The other co-worker was "inspired." I told her to wait a good 6 months before being inspired, but it was nice to hear.

Gym: Day 1

Last night was our first night going to the gym and I learned a lot.

I felt like I took too much stuff with me for starters. I decided to take my bag, loaded with workout clothes, a towel, a book, my shoes. Then add my new purse, which is pretty big (to me) as well. I changed in a hurry, hoping no one would come in as I took my bra off or something, which thankfully didn't happen. But do I really feel like changing that fast every time? Do I go into a stall instead? Maybe I should do like my husband did and just wear my outfit there, lock up my purse and be done with it.

So first we walked on the treadmill. All I could do was notice the people around us that were jogging/running, pray my calves would not start burning, and ward off fears that people were watching my fat ass jiggle as I walked at my measly 2.2 mph. We did the 5 min cooldown at the end, which slowed us all the way down to .5 mph at the end and some woman was looking at us like we were dumb. Do people not do the cooldown?!

Stationary bikes were definitely outnumbered by the treadmills, ellipticals, and some other machine I don't know the name of. Thankfully, not many people seem to use them. The recumbent kicked my butt. It was nice not having my butt hurt and leaning back, but holding my legs up while peddling tired me out way faster than an upright bike. So, I switched! Now my complaint is that I go way faster on my bike at home, but as my husband noted, we had just walked on the treadmill. So now I'm torn between walking and biking, or just biking (which I can do at home!) While I think I should definitely walk to build up some muscle and gain speed, I'd much rather peddle my life away on a bike, and it burned more calories, which at this stage, I need to do!

Things, They Are a-Changin'

Things I have changed in the last couple/few months:

• Cooking/baking from scratch as much as possible
• Stopped drinking pop and now drink water 95% of the time
• Exercising more (tonight is our first night going to the gym!)
• Eating less and trying to exercise portion control
• Following Ramit Sethi's advice re: saving money, investing, etc.
• Stopped playing World of Warcraft!

235.6 - 110.6 pounds to go!

What a great feeling seeing the scale go down 3 pounds!

We still haven't hit the gym yet. We bought new shorts/pants, shoes, and locks for the lockers. We even know what bags we'll be using (him Nintendo, me Domo). I think the anxiety of not knowing what to do and how often is stopping me until a trainer calls us. It's silly, I know this and I tell myself this constantly, but I can't defeat the anxiety of going. Regardless, they should call tomorrow to schedule a meet-up, so there's not much longer.

Two Milestones Today

I rode the bike twice today! Twice!! The first time, I spent 32 min at the second resistance level. Normally I only spend about 5 min before I feel too tired in the knees/thighs, but today I spent the whole time on that level. Then we did some errands, got some more items for the gym, and I rode again while we watched a show... for 55 min! I feel great just knowing I rode not once, but twice, let alone on step 2 and for almost 90 min today! Crossing my fingers for a great weigh-in tomorrow!

Gym Anxiety

So today I signed up at a local gym and holy hell am I anxious, still. I tried to tell myself going in that they could care less about what I look like, that I'm the one who cares. It was increasingly hard to do so as they asked more and more questions about motivation to be there, what I've done before this, etc. As much as it costs to sign up though, I am sticking to it!

I signed up for only a couple of sessions with a trainer, mainly to figure out what I need to do the most. That's the part that has me the most anxious, aside from knowing I can't do a whole lot. To start, they make you meet with a head trainer who goes over some info, takes measurements and does a couple tests. One was on a treadmill. He had me walk for 5 min at 2.5 mph at a 5% incline. That little bit was so tiring and made the outside of my legs hurt so bad. I felt so pathetic being winded that fast. I understand a trainer has to be in really good shape and all, but it definitely made me feel like a huge loser.

So, measurements for future reference, which also reinforce why I feel like a big blob:
neck: 16"
bicep: 15"
chest: 49"
waist: 49"
hips: 50"
thigh: 26"
calf: 17.25"

Oww!

I realize that I didn't ride the bike for 5 days and therefore, my butt should hurt from riding the bike. But after riding for 3 days in a row, the pain isn't getting any better. So, today I bought a Zoic Urban Assault Wide Pad. After looking around at what others suggest for an aching rear end, I came across two suggestions: new saddle, or wear bike shorts. My big concern with a saddle was that most recommend going to a local bike shop to ensure you can try several seats, make sure it is fitted properly, etc. Seems a bit hard to a stationary bike. So shorts seemed like a good, no-brainer idea. Instead of a padded seat, pad your own seat! The price ranged a lot, as did size, and then I worried I would either get a pair that were too big or too small, or that they would eventually need replacing from losing weight. Somehow I came across the removable piece, and while there aren't any reviews that I can find (unbelievable, I know!), I figure you can't lose with something that fits in whatever you want to wear, no matter the size. That's my hope anyway....

238.6 - 113.6 pounds to go (again)

Two steps forward, one step back. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised being as I know what I ate and how little I exercised. I hadn't gotten on the exercise bike since Aug. 9! A whole 5 days without riding! Ugh! It seemed like every time I had good intentions to do so, we got home too late or I was tired from being outside, etc. I guess it just means that pretty soon, I might have to wake up earlier so I can do it before work. That alone might motivate me to get my butt on the bike even if it's midnight! I know, I know, then I'm not utilizing the exercise correctly and it could be helping me burn calories all day, but sleep is important! >.<

So, here's to another week. Hopefully it won't be filled with bad decisions again.

237.0 - 112 pounds to go

It felt great to see that all my hard work this week paid off. I ate a little better (not perfect, but better) and I rode the stationary bike 3 times. Moving the seat up another notch and forward a little bit seemed to help, so no expensive bike seat needed!

Current Weight: 237.0 pounds

Current BMI: 43.3

BMI Lost: 1.5

Pounds Lost: 8

Pounds to Meet Mini-Goal: 13

Pounds until BMI is 'obese' instead of 'morbidly obese': 19 pounds

Farmer's Market Haul

We finally went back to the farmer's market yesterday and for $25, I think we did pretty well!

• Bread (1 loaf) 
• Zucchini (1) 
• Squash (1) 
• Green beans
• Onions (3)
• Peaches (8)
• Corn (4 ears) 
• Potatoes 
• Cauliflower (1 head)
• Carrots 
• Garlic (1)

What A Dilemma

So today I face a dilemma I never thought I would have: whether or not to ride the exercise bike. And not like "ugh, I don't feel like riding it but I really should...boo." The dilemma is more that I rode for 24 min on Tuesday, and 25 min last night, and the seat has made my ass hurt really, really bad. I've been doing research this morning about different types of bike seats, wider seats, etc. and all I can really conclude is that it might be more of an adjustment issue. I guess the seat could just be too hard. Trying to find a better seat, or even info. about what the issue could be, is like finding a needle in a haystack. I found some interesting looking "lawn chair style seats" but a) they look like they would slouch onto the metal poles that hold them up and b) they cost half of what my bike did! I found a bunch of seat styles claiming they are wider, soft, gel, adjustable in width, the list goes on and on, but nothing really guarantees it will fix the issue. So, I guess even though I feel like riding tonight, I might have to take a night off, already. Sitting on it yesterday hurt tremendously bad, even with a pillow on the seat, until I adjusted to this magical spot, which then meant that my, um, nether regions and ass went numb.

I guess of all the things I could complain about, this has to be the best one!

Cutting Down Your Sugar Intake

Loving the Small Bites archive today!

• Cut down your sugar intake.  The average American adult consumes 22 teaspoons of sugar a day.  That’s approximately fourteen more teaspoons than what is recommended as a daily limit by the American Heart Association.  Start training your palate to get used to lower amounts of sugar by making small cutbacks today.  Usually add three packets of sugar to your morning coffee?  Try it with two.  Normally drink a 20-ounce bottle of soda with lunch?  Opt for a 12-ounce can.  Two weeks after implementing these changes, make a few more subtle cutbacks.
• Set up a fruit bowl at home. One of the easiest ways to make sure you’re eating the recommended two servings of fruit every day is to have it readily available.  Sticking an apple in the back of your refrigerator’s fruit-and-vegetable drawer serves no purpose.  Place the fruit bowl in whichever room of the house you spend the most time in, and fill it with fruits you like.  If the only fruits you like are Granny Smith apples and grapes, so be it.
• Stock up your desk drawers. Say farewell to the vending machine.  Next time you’re at the grocery store, stock up on healthful, work-friendly foods.  Some suggestions: nuts and seeds, 100% whole grain crackers, unsweetened dried fruit, 100-calorie bags of popcorn, and truly good-for-you bars like Lara, Clif Nectar, and Kashi Tasty Little Crunchies.

Give yourself two to three weeks to get used to these changes, and then see how you can gradually build your way up to better health.

Making Baked Goods Healthier

Another great post by Andy Bellati!

Highlights:

1. use whole wheat pastry or whole wheat white flour
2. make your own alternative flour, such as oat flour (grind quick cooking oats: 1.5 cups = 1 cup flour)
3. use unsweetened applesauce
4. add oat bran and ground flax (couple Tbls.)
5. consider using fruit as sweeteners (bananas, dates, etc)

Andy Bellati's Tips for Grocery Shopping - Twitter Style!

Source: http://smallbites.andybellatti.com/?p=6514
Before hitting the supermarket: Eat something.  Prepare yourself with list or tentative weekly menu.

Basic rule: Front of packaging = marketing (ignore!); back of packaging = actual nutrition information (read!).

Baking Aisle: Dried unsweetened shredded coconut = great snack/addition to homemade trail mix!

Beans/Legumes: Top-notch nutrition.  Canned? Go low-sodium (or rinse regular under cold running water for 30 secs; this also removes some gas-causing raffinose.

Bread 1: Sprouted grains offer higher amount of minerals.  Aim for > 3g fiber & <2 g sugar per slice.  Don’t get distracted by # of of grains/seeds.

Bread 2: 100% whole grain w/3 grams fiber offers more nutrition than white flour w/5 grams of fiber from isolated fibers (ie: inulin).

Canned soup: Bean-based best (more fiber & protein).  Aim for <700 milligrams sodium in whole can.

Cereal: Whole grain 1^st ingredient, <4 grams sugar, >4 grams fiber/serving. No “crunchlets” (artif. flavor + dyes + corn syrup + oil)!

Cheese: Organic whenever possible.  Strong flavors (i.e.: parmesan) best; small amounts yield lots of flavor.

Condiments: Prioritize spices (chock-full of flavonoids and antioxidants) over jarred spreads (ketchup, mayonnaise, etc.).

Dairy milk: Organic and grass-fed golden standard.  Organic but not grassfed is decent alternative.

Eggs: Here’s the awful truth: humane eggs not sold at supermarkets.  For that, get pasture-raised from local farmer or check out info at Animal Welfare Approved.

Frozen aisle: Plain veg, fruit, bean-based burgers (ie: Sunshine Burgers!) great standbys.

Grains: Quinoa & wild rice very easy to cook.  Try out!  PS: Add splash of canned coconut milk & lime juice to pot when cooking brown rice.

Non-dairy milks: Organic crucial for soymilk.  FYI: Plain varieties of most non-dairy milks contain 1.5 teaspoons sugar per serving; choose unsweetened.

Nut/seed butters: Should be one ingredient (ground nut/seed) or two (ground nut/seed + salt).  Everything else is unnecessary.

Nuts and seeds: all wonderful; hemp very high in protein, chia very high in fiber.  Different nuts/seeds = different healthful properties.  Mix & match!

Oatmeal: Go for plain and sweeten yourself with fruit (or just 1 tsp of sweetener of choice).  Top w/nuts or seeds for protein & fiber boost.

Oils: Flax, extra virgin olive, and hemp great for salads and raw dips.  Virgin olive, peanut, and coconut best for cooking.  Avoid corn/cottonseed/soy (too high in omega 6)

Produce 1: #1 priority: colorful variety.  Thin/no skin?  Choose organic if possible.  For best flavor/to support community, buy some local items!

Produce 2: Dark leafy greens a must!  Most offer vitamin K & calcium — a 1-2 super-boost for our bones.

Salmon: All Atlantic is farmed.  Most canned is wild.  Alaskan is only sustainable kind.

Shrimp: Domestic farmed a safer bet; those farmed in Thailand/India exposed to many pesticides, chemicals, and antibiotics.

Tuna: Chunk light lower in mercury than albacore, but if made from skipjack tuna, moderately high.  Canned in water best so omega 3s don’t get drained out.

Yogurt 1: Look for “Live & Active Cultures” seal.  Greek = more protein, less calcium. Plain best (but Siggi’s has flavors w/little added sugar).

Yogurt 2: If it comes in a tube and is brighter than lipstick, it’s “nogurt”.

239.2 - 114.2 pounds to go

Well, it definitely wasn't the greatest result, but at least I didn't gain! I was honestly expecting the scale to say I had gained. It was a horrible week for food, including eating fast food several times, a conference where I felt like I ate way more than I should have, and eating at several restaurants, which usually aren't much better than fast food when you think about it. So, a .3 loss is definitely welcomed!

We finally watched "Food, Inc." last night, which did exactly what I thought it would do: repulse me on many levels. I'm angry at big companies controlling everything just to make big profits, angry that animals are treated so horribly, and angry that consumers are shielded from knowing where and how their food was produced. This did the same as the other movie we watched a couple/few years ago (and I can't recall the name): made me realize we have to make smarter choices. I loved the ending of "Food, Inc" simply for pointing out that as consumers, we have the say-so! Not the big companies, but us! That's a pull I'd like to take advantage of more than I do!

239.5 - 114.5 pounds to go

I did my weigh-in today as opposed to Sunday. Sunday's read said 242 and I knew there was no way I gained 4.5 pounds. I figured I would wait until today being as we spent a lot of time outside on Saturday in 90 degree weather with high humidity (think it said "real feel" was around 101). So between that and not taking my BP pill, I have a pretty good feeling I was retaining lots of water. So, here's to next week's weigh-in going better!

Current Weight: 239.5 pounds

Current BMI: 43.8

BMI Lost: 1

Pounds Lost: 5.5

Pounds to Meet Mini-Goal: 14.5

Pounds until BMI is 'obese' instead of 'morbidly obese': 21.5 pounds

Bad Girl!

I knew as I was doing it that it was bad. I was writing this post in my head. "Not eating lunch isn't a good thing. You know you have to eat 3 meals." But, I was lazy, we're in the middle of an upper-90 degree heat wave, and I really wasn't hungry at the time. I have no idea why I'm barely hungry lately, but I suspect it's just the summer affecting things.

The bigger thing is just wanting to do it for once. I feel like someone else took over my body. Who is this person *not* wanting ice tea to drink? Eating less, what? And on top of all that, I'm enjoying a financial book. Like can't-put-it-down enjoying it. Granted it depresses me that I can't do much with our mediocre income, especially when I see myself making less with a Master's degree than an in-law that never graduated, but I just have to be happy with where I am, or make a bigger effort to change things. No one else can do it for me. But this is a nice place. I'm slowly working to change things. One small, baby step at a time!

Still On The Path To Sunday

I think I did fairly well yesterday. I've been in the habit of only eating half of my breakfast. It's fast food oatmeal, so not great to begin with, but maybe half a serving isn't too bad. The only reason I love buying oatmeal in the morning, as stupid as this is to type, is to get a large ice water with extra ice. A big shock for me was them actually giving me unsweetened ice tea instead, which I used to *love* but instead made me crazy mad. I only drank about 1" worth out of the cup, maybe less because ice had melted.

Dinner was fun. We split a salad *and* the main course: a huge feat! I know he didn't want to split the entree with me, but I stood my ground! I ate a small helping and was comfortable instead of full. And...no dessert! When we left I was imagining going home and eating a bowl of frozen yogurt with hot fudge sauce, but instead I jumped at the opportunity to go shopping. A good diversion I think!

Hopefully Not a Set-Back

Last night I was in the mood for comfort food. Not sure what my deal was, but I felt like I do in the middle of winter: exhausted, lazy, craving heavy food. So we had a modified tater tot casserole: hamburger, cream of mushroom soup, mixed veggies, and mashed potatoes on top. No cheese, no tater tots. Not sure it was the most healthy dinner, even without the cheese and tater tots, but I guess I can't expect to eat nothing but healthy after years of not.

I resisted the urge to weigh myself. I'm anxious to find out if I've lost more weight, but I know I have to wait until Sunday. I certainly hope the motivation sticks. With several people around me losing weight, I really need to jump on the bandwagon.

Goals

Using the format from from Jennette Fulda's site:

Starting Weight: 245 pounds

Starting BMI (Body Mass Index): 44.8

Mini-Goal Weight: 225 pounds

Goal Weight: 125 pounds

Weight to Lose: 120 pounds

Pounds until BMI is 'obese' instead of 'morbidly obese': 27 pounds (218)

238.6 - 113.6 pounds to go

Clearly my "this is it" moment faded. 16 months later and I am still in the same spot. Funny how I didn't even recall the specifics of that post, only that I made one proclaiming that "now is the time to change!" 16 months later I could have changed! Even if I had only lost 2 pounds per week for 3 of the 4 weeks per month, that's still 96 pounds. Even with a big plateau, setbacks, etc. it could have been at least 50. /sigh

I read "Half-Assed: A Weight Loss Memoir" by Jennette Fulda last week, which reminded me that I'm not alone. Others have had similar experiences, similar feelings, similar triumphs and failures. Some carry on and others make a decision to change their lifestyle.

Fortunately, out of nowhere, I think my taste buds had decided to veto a lot of the crap I was putting into my mouth. I slowly began drinking less pop and switched over to iced tea. After the doctor said she didn't want me drinking much iced tea and that I should drink water, I slowly and unintentionally started switching back to water. Years ago I drank lots of water, probably too much in fact. Not sure why I stopped, or when for that matter, but I did. So while others are recounting their difficulty in jumping off of the soda train, I got off at a stop. On the rare occasion I take a sip of Coke, remembering fondly how much I loved fountain Coke, I'm taken aback by how sickly sweet and carbonated it is. Maybe it was the article explaining how bad the caramel color is, or the amount of sugar in there, but some switch flipped and for that, I am thankful.

Over the weekend, we watched our 1 year old nephew. Lord, is that a lot of work. Definitely showed me that we could not possibly have a child in the shape we are in if we wanted. Food-wise, I found myself not wanting to eat. I didn't want hamburger or pizza. Without trying, I'm slowly evolving into a food snob, which is good because maybe it will help me recognize the bad food choices before they go into my mouth!

To end on a positive note,I had used my sister in law's scale after putting the nephew to bed. I had hoped all my efforts to drink more water and eat less had paid off but knew I wouldn't be able to tell. So I hopped (well stepped, or it would have busted) on their scale, only to be sorely disappointed that it read 245.x. It was frustrating to know I had taken some little steps and they weren't paying off. To humor myself, I weighed myself at home the following morning, remembering to wait until morning to reduce the chances of water retention, food, waste, etc. could sway the outcome. To my surprise, it said 238.6! Under 240! WOOHOO! So, maybe I just needed to do it on my time, or see others doing it, or hear the doctor say it was nice to see someone move down on the scale for once, I don't know. But here's hoping!

Current Weight: 238 pounds

Current BMI: 43.5

BMI Lost: 1.3

Pounds Lost: 7

Pounds to Meet Mini-Goal: 13

Pounds until BMI is 'obese' instead of 'morbidly obese': 20 pounds