186.8 - 61.8 pounds to go

Baby steps I guess. I'll take small losses over any sort of gain, any day.

I've been trying to work on being more positive, which is super hard. I'm trying to be more dedicated to exercising. I'm trying to make better food choices. All of it is so hard when you realize a lot of the hard work and effort isn't paying off. I mean it is - I don't want to go back to 250 pounds, or feeling so lazy and tired all the time, or breathing heavy after a flight of stairs, or barely being able to do a crunch, or any other number of things I could ramble off. I'm thankful that I've stuck things out this far. I'm just a bit disappointed that the one year mark came and went, and I wasn't where I wanted to be, so my mind seems to keep trying to derail me. All I can do is scream "There is no giving up!" I have said that from the very beginning and I am keeping my word. There is no going back.

I decided to follow the advice of my trainer and kick my cardio up a notch by jogging in spurts while walking. He may very well be right in that I'm not working myself hard enough. I feel like I'm going as fast as I comfortably can, but 60 pounds ago that was a lot more work than it is right now. So, I jogged. The first night, I jogged for a minute just a few times. I tried out the "Zombies, RUN!" app while out on a walk with the roommate and I think I need to look into a bit more. The storyline is okay - it's creative at the very least. But I only recall it making us run about 3 times.

The second night, I decided to jog every 5 minutes and I ended up pushing myself to go for 2 minutes. Two whole minutes with three minutes of rest in between! I was super proud of myself, even though I felt bad that I was slowing the roommate down. I was thankful he was so supportive and helped spur me on. I'm a little afraid of hurting my knees though, so I need to figure that out.