I've been in a deep hole of self-hatred, friends. A very deep hole. Hating my body. Hating that I gained back every.single.ounce I had lost. Hating my job and my lack of fair compensation. Hating that the job I learned to love was closed down. Hating that I had stopped exercising and due to shame, can't even step back in the gym. Hating that I can no longer walk as fast, or as far. Hating that I get winded easily. Hating that going up a flight of stairs is no longer easy. Hating that my picture is now something I shy away from looking at compared to the pictures when I was 180 pounds and couldn't stop staring at the photo. Hating everything and everyone to the point that I barely recognize myself most days.
And then this post came along. Actually this pair of posts (Losing and Gaining and Accepting Myself at Every Weight & What I Learned Losing Weight the Second Time). It said so many things that I've thought, yet not acted upon. Why deal with the anger and hatred? Why try and fix things? And for that, I've paid...deeply.
It's time, friends. It.is.time.
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